Super Smash World
by Laniv
Summary: Follow the greatest collection of warriors (and other people) in the Nintendo multiverse, known to all as the Super Smash Brothers, as they deal with having mortal enemies in the same general area. Together, they share laughs, overcome hardships, and perhaps even set aside their differences...? Or, you know, they could just beat each other up like they tend to do...
1. Chapter 1: Smash Ballot!

It was a beautiful Wednesday morning on a large, ornate mansion overlooking several smaller buildings. This main building stood tall and proud, with its logo, a circle split by two perpendicular lines, reflecting the morning light. A set of multicolored flags lay still, but had there been a light wind, one would have seen the array of symbols that adorned each one, such as Hyrule's legendary Triforce, or a common Super Mushroom.

This building served as the dormitory and general headquarters for a large group of warriors and their friends. They called themselves the Super Smash Brothers, or "Smashers" for short. And at that moment, the Smashers lay still in their beds, peacefully sleeping.

But not for long.

A large, floating, left hand, who had adopted the nickname "Crazy Hand", had ascended the clock tower, and was about to fulfill his duty for the morning: To wake up the Smashers and start their day. But Crazy Hand decided that simply ringing the bell was not enough—his brother, Master Hand, claimed he'd always had a penchant for the wacky—instead, he would surprise everyone not just with the bell, but with an assortment of explosives he had "borrowed" from the bomb room, a room kept heavily guarded. Crazy Hand had also plucked a Fire Flower from the garden to light the fuse.

Crazy Hand giggled to himself as he lit the fuse of the first Bob-omb. _The Smashers will get a kick out of this!_ The walking time bomb trotted towards the stack of Blast Boxes and flashed red. Crazy Hand covered his ears (somehow), and after this brief warning, the Bob-omb detonated.

The ground vigorously shook as three tons worth of explosives ignited. Bricks from the tower were loosened, and several birds in the vicinity were almost incinerated. Leftover flames fell to the ground and torched the flowers below. After the dust cleared, all that was left in the tower were a few piles of dust and one shaking, but thrilled giant hand.

Crazy Hand was ecstatic that his plan had worked. The Smashers were surely wide awake now! He turned to go, but right before he opened the door, he realized something horrible. The room was completely empty except for him. A little _too_ empty.

The bell was gone.

Crazy Hand's stomach (somehow) lurched. His brother would surely give him a hard time if he found out that the clock tower's bell had been blown up. A glint of gold outside caught his attention. The hand raced over to the window, and what he saw made him almost wilt to the floor. The bell had not been destroyed, as he had feared. Instead, it was falling right out of the sky, right onto the Smashers' dormitories. Crazy Hand helplessly watched as the bell crashed right through the roof with a large bang. He thought he heard a familiar voice cry out in pain too, along with several shouts of surprise.

Yes, the Smashers were surely wide awake now.

* * *

In one of the rooms of the mansion on the second floor, Mario, the famous hero of the Mushroom Kingdom was sleeping peacefully in his bed, dreaming of the newest Mario Kart racetrack: Pasta Circuit, which took place on top of a large plate piled high with fettuccine. Mario had "accidentally" crashed his go-kart into a fork, and to pass the time as his kart was repaired, had decided to take a big forkful for himself.

Mario smiled in his sleep, making a little moan of pleasure as his dream self was about to take the first bite. He failed to notice the large meatball falling onto him until he turned around…

 _Crash._

Mario's eyes abruptly snapped open. He immediately sat up in a panic. He looked around his room and saw the usual things: a spare tennis racket, a photo of Princess Peach by his bedside, and his trusty water pack F.L.U.D.D. propped up against the foot of his bed. In other words, everything was as normal.

Mario took a breath. "Mamma mia…" He hadn't been crushed a giant meatball, and, as he was disappointed to realize, there was no Pasta Circuit anytime soon. However, _something_ had made a loud explosion that woke him up. And as experience had taught him, loud noises out of nowhere were often a source of trouble. The plumber leapt out of bed, hurriedly put on his trusty red hat without bothering to groom his mustache first, and rushed out his bedroom door.

As he had expected, other Smashers had been woken up from the sudden explosion. Already, Link, the hero of Hyrule, and Samus Aran, the galaxy's greatest bounty hunter, were drifting out of their dorm, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.

"What was _that_?" asked the tall blonde bounty hunter. "I swear, if this is another one of Captain Falcon's crazy stunts…"

As if on cue, the F-Zero racer and part-time bounty hunter leapt into sight, still dressed in his favorite Blue Falcon-print footie pajamas. He took his trademark saluting pose with his hand on his hip. "Did Samus call me?" he asked in his trademark loud voice. "Does she need my help?"

Samus winced at Captain Falcon's voice, then took a deep breath and turned to face him. "No, _Douglas_ , I don't need your help right now." She added under her breath, "No one does."

Captain Falcon slumped in disappointment, then almost immediately regained his composure. "Very well then!" he declared. "I'll go and investigate the source of the crash! _Falcon Leave!_ " With that, Captain Falcon leapt majestically out of the group and hurried down the hallway.

Everyone stared after him, then Link broke the silence. "We should probably go see what that noise was about." The threesome exchanged glances, then took off after him.

As the heroes made their way towards the source of their rude awakening, they were joined by Princess Peach, the fair, beloved ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, and Captain Olimar, a very short man in a spacesuit who was accompanied by three Pikmin.

"Did you _hear_ that?! Honestly, it reminded me all too well of nighttime on the Pikmin planet. I thought for sure one of those beasts had broken in…"

Mario nodded as they passed by other waking Smashers. "And I was-a having such a lovely-a dream. You know, it was that-a dream about the races again."

Peach couldn't help but giggle at Mario's complaint. "Was it the one about Pasta Circuit, again?"

"Yes, but this-a time, it was fettuccine instead. Oh, if only you had-a been there, the ragu was very realistic this ti—"

Mario's reminiscing was interrupted by a low, pained moan that got louder and clearer with every step they took. A moan that, Mario realized with horror, sounded just like—

" _Luigi!_ "

Everyone immediately quickened their pace, with Mario and Peach taking the lead. The group dashed around a corner and up the stairs to the third floor, where a mass congregation of Smashers and Assist Trophies was surrounding a door. Just as Mario feared, the door led to Luigi's room. Mario and Peach shoved through the crowd and beheld the chaos that lay before them. Luigi was there, all right, but he was crushed under a giant bell.

"Someone… anyone… please?"

Mario leapt forward and tried to lift the bell off his brother, to no avail. The bell refused to budge. Amidst the crowd, he could hear a reptilian snort of laughter. "Yep, that's typical Luigi for you!" The voice belonged to Bowser, the king of the Koopas, Peach's recurring kidnapper, and Mario's archenemy. Mario chose to ignore Bowser's comments. Right now, he had to get this bell off Luigi. He tried again and, to his surprise, the bell lifted without Mario's lifting it. A shadow was cast over the plumber. Mario looked up to see who lifted the bell. Staring down at him was Donkey Kong, the king of the jungle (nobody knew if he held any political power, and nobody dared to ask). The bell was in his hands, hoisted high above his head. Mario gave the gorilla a silent nod of thanks. He stared down at Mario and flashed a toothy grin, then placed the bell down next to him.

"I'm-a free!" came Luigi's voice, still under the bedspread. "I can breathe, I can move— _ow!_ Okay, I can't-a do that yet…"

Everyone but the villainous Smashers rushed to Luigi's side. "Are you okay?" asked Peach, tending to his innumerous injuries. Toon Link had produced a towel seemingly out of nowhere and was dabbing at Luigi's forehead. Luigi's treatment was abruptly brought to an end by a deep booming voice. " _What is going on in here?!_ "

The crowd hushed as the large right hand floated into the room. He surveyed the damage: the bed was crushed, there was a gaping hole in the ceiling, various things were scattered across the floor, and Luigi himself lay in the middle, almost literally crushed flat. The tower bell stood still with a large crack in it next to Mario and Donkey Kong.

Master Hand turned to face the Smashers. He gestured to two of them, Wii Fit Trainer and Lucario. "Take him to the infirmary. I'm sure Doctor Mario will be able to fix him up." The Pokémon and the trainer gingerly picked Luigi up and placed him on a nearby stretcher. Luigi flinched and recoiled at every instance of physical contact, and he groaned as he was carried out of his room.

Master Hand now addressed the Smashers. "Please continue about your day. I will deal with whoever has done this, and they…" His deep, booming voice trailed off as he noticed his more sinister counterpart float by. His voice turned from firm and authoritative to dangerously peaceful. " _Crazy Hand… dear brother…_ " Crazy Hand flinched, then slowly turned to face Master Hand, who was quivering with rage. Then, in a small voice: "Y-yes, Master Hand?"

Master Hand made the get-over-here gesture. He was now literally turning red with anger. The other Smashers took this as an opportunity to take their leave. They all quickly hurried out and to the breakfast nook as Master Hand unleashed his rage over Crazy Hand, who seemed to be trying to shrink into the floor.

The Smashers had had worse mornings.

* * *

At the breakfast table, things seemed to slowly be returning to normal, except for the lack of Luigi. Yoshi sat down at his usual spot, right next to King Dedede and Charizard. It wasn't the best spot, considering both of their table manners, but it worked. He was about to dig into his breakfast— pancakes shaped like stars, courtesy of Chef Kawasaki—when a high-pitched voice suddenly interrupted him. "Goooood morning, Dedede!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Yoshi could see Dedede cringe at the sound. It was common knowledge that Dedede (and others) listed Kirby between losing food and rocks in shoes on his list of most annoying things in the world. He tried to gather up his breakfast and move somewhere else, but it was too late. Kirby had already sat down on the other side of Dedede.

King Dedede muttered something that would get him a bar of soap in his mouth had someone heard him. He finally mustered the energy to growl out a "good morning" to Kirby.

Kirby smiled in return, bouncing in his seat. Kirby noticed Yoshi on Dedede's right. "Good morning, Yoshi!" Yoshi turned and waved a sleepy greeting back to him. Satisfied with the wave, Kirby turned to his food and literally inhaled it in one go. He rubbed his stomach, then stared at his plate forlornly. "Is that all I get?" he asked to no one in particular. This question seemed to set Dedede off, because he slammed his hammer on the table in anger. "I'm telling you guys, that Wii Fit Trainer is starving us! _Starving us_ , I tell you!"

Yoshi stared at his now-empty plate, having licked all three pancakes down before. Yesterday, he had had four pancakes, and the day before there were five on his plate. For once, he thought, King Dedede was talking sense. Wii Fit Trainer, in a bid for a more "healthy lifestyle", had been cutting their portions of food since day one. King Dedede was still ranting. "How does anyone expect us to survive on these… these _scraps_?!"

Yoshi turned to look at Dedede. He had never noticed it before, but he could have sworn Dedede had a trace of a Texan accent. Dedede suddenly turned to Yoshi. "I mean, look at Yoshi. Those pancakes he just ate made up a third of his breakfast from one month ago! I did the math!"

On Yoshi's right, Charizard rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you guys weren't so fat, you wouldn't be getting your portions cut." Dedede seemed to take personal offense to this. " _Excuse me_?! I'll have you know, I am a king, a _king_ , I say,"—he pointed at his hat-crown as evidence—"and I am expected to be bigger than my subjects, both in size and in social status!" Charizard opened his mouth to speak, but Dedede interrupted him. "And don't go using Kirby as 'evidence', he is normally round!"

Kirby, who had been listening patiently to Dedede's ramblings, stopped bouncing in his chair. "Maybe Dedede's right. Normally I would have eight times as much food on my plate." Dedede smirked in response. "You see, Charizard? For once, the little pipsqueak's making sense!" Charizard tried to argue that even Kirby has his limits, but was once again interrupted, this time by the ringing of a bell. All the Smashers turned to look at the source, Nikki, a short young woman in a green jacket and red-rimmed glasses.

"Good morning, everyone!" Nikki called over the noise of the lunchroom. It was time for the daily morning announcements. The Smashers stopped and turned to listen.

The announcements were the same as usual: Items were not to be used outside of matches, please help Zelda with her upcoming party for when Lucas arrives (it was to be a semi-formal event), a preview of the upcoming matches for the day (Wii Fit Trainer grimaced as she heard she was against Wario) and a reminder to wish Stanley the Bugman, the resident exterminator/bartender, a happy birthday.

As the Smashers turned back to the last of their meals, Nikki cleared her throat, getting their attention again. "Also, Smashers are allowed to campaign for whoever they'd like to be invited to the tournament! The ballot box is located on the ground floor, so feel free to make a single vote per person! And," she mumbled under her breath, "I'd appreciate it if someone could help me sort the votes in the mailroom…" She stepped down from her stool and hurried out of the cafeteria.

At once, a buzz spread through the lunchroom. Fox stood up and tapped his glass for attention. "I would like to take this moment to remind everyone to vote for Krystal. She—"

Fox's campaign speech was interrupted by roaring laughter from Bowser and his son, Bowser Jr. "Great, just what we need, more Star Fox has-beens! How about a _real_ newcomer, like King Boo or something?" Fox just rolled his eyes, intending to continue, but Toad, the mushroom-headed servant to Peach, jumped onto the table. "Or maybe we could vote for me! I've been around longer than most of you guys!" This time, both Fox and Bowser snorted in derision. "What could _you_ do, short-stack? Run away and hide?" asked the giant Koopa. "Yeah, that's a real winning moveset." Fox interjected, "Besides, you're already a counter move for Peach."

Toad shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah… I've been wondering about that, _Princess_ ," he said, turning to glare at Peach, who looked very nervous and was about to excuse herself from the table.

On the other end of the lunchroom, Falco, Fox's wingman and best friend, sat observing the three-way argument with Marth, the prince of Altea. The bird turned to Marth. "Say, there's no rule saying we can't vote for veterans, is there?"

"We are allowed to vote for veterans, yes. What prompts you to ask?"

"I was thinking we could bring back the whole Melee crew!"

Marth gave Falco a derisive glare. "You can't be serious in bringing back everyone. Everyone, Falco? _Everyone_?"

Falco thought back to Pichu, the notoriously weak fighter from 2001, attempting to fight against the faster and stronger Smashers, keyword _attempting_. "Okay, okay, maybe not everyone. But we've got Dr. Mario and Mewtwo, so we might as well go all the way."

The two got up from the tables and moved to clean their plates. Marth said "I really don't think it would be wise to bring back Young Link. Toon Link already fills his shoes."

"All right, all right, fine. No Pichu or Young Link. But at the very least," said Falco as they placed their trash in the bin, "Roy is still on the table, right? I mean, you guys were really close back in the day, remem—"

Falco was stopped mid-sentence by Marth staring daggers at him. He had never seen Marth so angry, not since the time Wario had replaced his hair conditioner with chocolate syrup, or the time Roy had—ah, it was all coming together now. In an eerily tranquil tone, Marth told him, "We do not, under any circumstances, talk about _him_. Understood?" Falco swallowed and nodded as they walked out of the lunchroom.

* * *

"Next!"

The other four interviewers shivered as Pikachu scowled into his cup of coffee. The mouse Pokémon was not known for his enthusiasm for his job. He, along with Mario, Link, Samus, and (the worst part, in his opinion) Kirby were tasked with interviewing potential newcomers for the tournament. It was only 10 A.M. and already Pikachu was nearing his limit.

"I said, _next_!"

Mario put a comforting hand on Pikachu's shoulder. "Pikachu, relax. You're-a gonna get an ulcer if you keep-a going like this." Pikachu took a deep breath and sipped at his coffee. At that moment, a trio of three white creatures wearing black bow ties strolled into the room, led by a conductor in a starry afro. Link took out a clipboard. "Name?"

The creatures were silent for a moment. Then the one on the left opened his mouth wide to sing a loud, clear note. "Aaaah…"

"…Um…"

The five stared awkwardly at the trio of singers. Kirby nudged Link. "Just put 'em down as the Chorus Kids."

The Kid in the middle opened his mouth to sing a note, this time four musical half-steps above the first one. "Aaaah…"

There was dead silence from the interviewers. Then Mario spoke up. "I think they're-a from Rhythm-a Heaven." The third Kid now opened his mouth to sing an even higher note, even higher than the last. "Aaaah…!"

Pikachu now stood up. "If you're just here to sing, Master Hand's office is down the hall, up the stairs, and it's three—" Pikachu never got to finish his sentence. The conductor, who had been quiet up until that point, loudly declared, "Together, now!" On cue, the three singers opened their mouths and sang, or rather screamed, one loud, piercing note.

" _Aaaaaah!_ "

Pikachu paused to wipe his face clean of spittle. He stared at the eager-looking Chorus Kids and their conductor. "We'll give you a call," he said noncommittally. "Now get out."

With big smiles on their faces, the group of oddballs trotted out of the office. Pikachu sat back down. "Don't actually call them," he said to Kirby, who was reaching for the phone.

It was a slow day for the five interviewers. At the start of the tournament, Master Hand had judged Mario, Link, Kirby, Samus, and Pikachu to be the most "worthy" in deciding the newcomers. He set up a lobby near the dorms so people could come and go to have interviews. However, that day was going very slowly. Most of the hopefuls were out and about campaigning for others to vote for them. Samus turned to Pikachu. "Seriously, Pikachu, you need to relax. It's not good for you."

Pikachu retorted, "How can I relax if I have to deal with an endless slog of has-beens? And _he_ isn't making things any easier." He gestured to Kirby, who was happily bouncing in his seat and munching on a delicious strawberry shortcake. Pikachu stared at the clock. 10:01 AM. At this rate, he might actually get an ulcer. He groaned and massaged his temples. And the worst part was…

"Nobody is even coming."

The words came out in a sharp hiss. The heat of the day was slowly bearing down on Pikachu's sanity. Perhaps he should just leave. Just storm out the door and never look back…

…Wait a minute. Why didn't he just leave? Nothing was stopping him. After all, who would care if one interviewer was gone? Pikachu's mind was made up. He got down from his chair and walked towards the door. Mario spoke up.

"Pikachu, what are you-a doing? You can't just-a leave during the interviews." Pikachu turned around and smirked. "Oh, yes I can," he said offhandedly. "Just watch me." With that, he opened the door and left in a flash.

Kirby looked worriedly after Pikachu. Link put a comforting arm on Kirby's head. "Relax, Kirby. He'll come back eventually. It's not like he'll just abandon his job…"

Unbeknownst to Link, Pikachu had done just that.

* * *

Pikachu shut the door behind him. It was only 10:02 AM, so he had the rest of the day to himself. A gleeful grin spread across his face. The whole day, free! Pikachu skipped away, thinking about crashing with Yoshi for the rest of the morning. Perhaps later he could relax and help Olimar with his studies. He thought about all these things as he sauntered through the halls, relieved at last to have dismissed himself of his duties.

He passed by the music room, where Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were playing their instruments. He peeked into the yoga studio, where Wii Fit Trainer was instructing Dedede and Wario, who were unsuccessfully trying to perform the Dancer pose. He went by Shulk, who was talking to Master Hand.

Wait a tic… _Master Hand_?!

Pikachu froze and turned very pale. Master Hand would surely have his head if he caught him outside the interviewing room. Master Hand was busy conversing with Shulk, most likely about inviting Reyn to the tournament. Pikachu wisely sped out Master Hand's line of sight and shot down the rest of the hallway.

Still paranoid about Master Hand having spied him, Pikachu raced down the stairs. He didn't exactly know where he was going, and frankly, he didn't care. He just needed a place to hide until the interviews were over. He eventually found a plain-looking wooden door and shoved it open.

Once Pikachu was safely inside the room, he opened the door a crack to glance outside and check if Master Hand was chasing him. To his immense relief, the giant hand was nowhere to be seen. However, that also meant that Master Hand could possibly be around the corner. Pikachu decided to stay where he was. He turned around and got a good look at the room he was in.

It was a small, cramped, dusty mailroom. Piles upon piles of letters addressed to almost everyone involved with the tournament were stacked near a mail chute, which continued to steadily stream even more letters. Nearby, a bulletin board displayed the message, "Please keep our mailroom tidy!" in big block letters. And in the middle of all the clutter, a young woman in a familiar green jacket was slumped over a desk all alone.

Pikachu waddled over to her. It was Nikki, as he suspected by the red glasses next to her. He was about to wake her up when a pile of envelopes suddenly began to move. Pikachu leapt back with a surprised shout. Nikki woke up with a jolt. She looked around, blinking her sleepy eyes. She noticed the trembling stack of envelopes and nearly fell out of her seat in shock. A blue gloved hand poked out of the pile. Pikachu braced himself, cheeks sparking, as Nikki picked up a letter opener to defend herself. Another hand appeared, then an antenna with a blue light at the top. Pikachu stopped to stare.

"…Alph?"

The young engineer wiggled around, surrounded by envelopes, and fell to the ground in a heap. Nikki stood up and rushed over to help him up. "Alph! Is this were you were all this time?" she asked, dusting him off and wiping his helmet. Alph rose and came to his senses. "Huh… what…? I think I must've fallen asleep sorting all these votes…"

"Wait a minute, you work here?" asked Pikachu. Alph noticed the electric mouse standing there and nodded. "When I don't have any matches for the day, I come here to help Nikki sort out the Smash Ballot votes." Nikki beamed at Alph. "It's a lot of work, but we survive. Somehow," she joked. Pikachu nodded and coughed. _This mailroom is so dusty, it's a wonder they survive at all_ , he thought to himself. There was a long silence as Nikki sat back in her chair and skimmed over a new stack of votes.

A thought suddenly came to Alph. "Say… Pikachu, aren't you supposed to be giving interviews?" Pikachu casually replied, "I'm taking a leave of absence." Alph looked quizzically at him. "So, you quit your job?" Pikachu stammered and said, "I did no—well, you see, I—it's not exactly—the point of the matter is, I am not doing interviews today." He said this last part with finality, relishing the idea of not having to look at Kirby for the rest of the day.

Nikki, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, perked up considerably. "So… if you don't have anything to do today, could you maybe stick around to help?" Pikachu's ears drooped a little. He should have known he would get roped into doing work. And in such a tiny, narrow, extremely dusty, little mailroom… Pikachu found himself longing for the interviewer room. At least there, he could breathe fresh air. He was about to say no, but he suddenly remembered Nikki asking for help earlier that morning and how sad and desperate she looked. Pikachu glanced at Nikki and quickly regretted his decision. Nikki was in full puppy-dog eyes mode. He tried not to look, but Nikki had already made eye contact. It was like a whirlpool in those eyes. Pikachu turned to Alph in a last-ditch attempt. He flinched as he realized Alph was doing the same thing. Somehow, Alph had managed to get the antenna on his helmet to droop as well. With two people staring at him with those big round eyes, Pikachu had no choice but to say, "Fine, sure, I'll help."

This was met with a duet of "Thank you, Pikachu!" Nikki and Alph almost immediately cheered up and did a little happy dance on the spot. Pikachu found this almost overkill, but at the same time, it was worth it to see the two so happy. _After all_ , he thought, _it's just sorting votes for who should join the tournament_. How hard could it be?

* * *

Back at the interviewing room, time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. The temperature had climbed to 98 degrees. The ice in Link's glass had melted. And the interviewers themselves were sweltering in the heat. Their only relief was a small fan in the corner rotating slowly back and forth.

Kirby managed to gasp out, "Somebody… get Master Hand… to put in some air conditioning…" Link was slumped over his portion of the desk. He made a feeble effort to move his arm. He looked up at the clock. Only 12:45?! They didn't get out until 5:00 PM. He groaned out loud. "Man, nobody's even coming. Why are we still here?"

"We're-a still here," Mario said, taking off his red hat to fan himself, "in case somebody does come for an interview." Samus deadpanned, "And because Master Hand would kill us if we left. Speaking of leaving…" She glanced at Pikachu's empty seat. "I wonder how Pikachu's doing."

Link sarcastically replied, "Master Hand might have caught him already. He's probably scrubbing the floors as we speak." Kirby looked longingly at the door. "It's probably cooler in the hallways," he sighed.

"Excuse me."

All four interviewers looked up as a tan girl with purple hair dressed in a belly-dancer outfit. Kirby perked up considerably now that someone was here for an interview. He noticed Link's face turning red as he quickly sat up straight. Samus rolled her eyes at Link while Mario gave him a knowing look. Kirby asked, "Name?"

"Shantae!"

Kirby dutifully wrote her name down in his favorite crayon as Link struggled to keep a straight face. "Game?" he asked.

"I'm from the Shantae series."

Kirby scribbled down "Shantae series" on his clipboard. Link suddenly stuttered, "So w-w-what special abilities or powers do you have?" Samus couldn't bear to see Link embarrass himself. Kirby could, and giggled to himself.

Shantae straightened her top (Link gave a thankfully-inaudible moan) and said, "Well, I'm a half-genie from Scuttle Town, so I can dance to change my forms and perform new attacks." Link gripped the edge of his table. He produced a towel from his pocket and dabbed at his forehead. "C-c-c-c-care to demonstrate for us?"

Shantae began to dance. Link stared in awe. In the middle of her dance, there was a loud _pop_ and a puff of smoke. When it cleared there stood Shantae, as a monkey. Kirby clapped enthusiastically. "Do another one!" he cheered. Shantae smiled and began to dance again. This time, the half-genie turned into an elephant. Unfortunately, she landed right on top of the desk, sending everyone's glasses of water flying to shatter on the floor. Link didn't seem to mind, especially not when she changed back to normal right in front of him.

Mario cleared his throat. "Well, you-a certainly seem to have what it takes to be an official-a Smasher. We'll review your-a skills, and we'll get back to you if we're interested." Shantae gave the four a big grin, politely thanked them, and went off on her way.

After Shantae left, Link gave off a loud exhale that made everyone else jump. Kirby couldn't hold it in anymore, and burst out laughing at him. Even Mario and Samus chuckled at Link's beet-red face. Link just stared straight ahead. At last, he whispered, "Kirby, put her down as potential."

* * *

As it happened, sorting votes was a very hard job. Pikachu wheezed and coughed on the dust of the mailroom. He glanced at the pile of votes in front of him. Toadsworth? Deku Scrub? _Luvdisc_?! Pikachu sighed. He expected better from the voters. He gathered up these votes and deposited them in the paper shredder where they belonged. He hadn't expected this to be so soul breaking. Tedious, yes, but the votes weren't supposed to be this far-fetched. Pikachu had lost track of time. He was tired, and the room was so stuffy and dimly lit, he felt as though it had been weeks since he made the mistake of hiding in the mailroom. And just when it seemed he was done, even more votes came out of the chute! _This is a test of patience_ , he thought. He did have to hand it to Nikki, though—she was shy and soft-spoken (she was often intimidated by Bowser and Ganondorf), but she was certainly strong enough to work in a room with very little light for at least twelve hours with no breaks. Pikachu glanced over at Alph. Even he seemed to maintain a cheery attitude, whistling as he worked. Pikachu called out, "Hey, Alph! What time is it?"

Alph checked his watch, then replied, "It's 2:30! We get out at 9:00."

Pikachu felt as if he had been Warlock Punched in the gut. _9:00 PM_! Pikachu definitely regretted his decision now. At that point he would be curling up for bed! His face hit the desk. Why, oh, why had he given in to those accursed puppy-dog eyes? He didn't even know what a dog was! Six-and-a-half more hours of slogging through votes. The thought was enough to bring someone to tears.

Pikachu heard Alph hesitantly ask, "Pikachu, are you okay?" Pikachu waved off his question and said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna go postal on you. Pardon the pun," he added. To himself, he fearfully whispered, " _9:00 PM_!"

Nikki, who once again had heard Alph and Pikachu, trotted toward the mouse and patted his head. "I know how you feel. When I first took this job, I cried too." Pikachu started to protest that no, he was not crying, but Nikki kept going. "It just gets easier as you go on. Then Alph came to help me, and it got even easier than that! And, if it makes you feel any better," she added with a wink, "the pay is good."

Pikachu and Alph looked up in confusion. He had completely forgotten about pay. He earnestly asked, "How much do we get paid?" (Alph asked, "You get paid?")

Nikki gave the two a sly smile. She said, "Oh, just enough to get by…for a couple decades." Pikachu's eyes lit up. Vision of a lovely pile of Smash coins danced in his imagination. A newfound resolve swelled up inside of him. He turned back to his desk and set to work vigorously started reorganizing the votes. Even Alph seemed to have more gusto in his labor.

Nikki sighed with relief. Her little rousing speech had worked in getting her coworkers to work faster. The speech even had an effect on herself, as she noticed later on when she went through almost 150 votes in just a couple of minutes.

* * *

Link stared at the clock, an empty look on his face. It was 3:30, and there had been only two other people who came to the interviews. The first was Cranky Kong, an old, rambling ape who spent his "interview" rattling on about how games were much better in his days. At one point, he hit Kirby with his cane for not paying attention. This rant lasted twenty minutes, and seemed to suck the life out of the interviewers. The second was completely unexpected.

"Name?" asked Samus without looking up. A voice answered, "My name is Kaepora Gaebora, from the Legend of Zelda series, and I wish to become a Smasher."

Link looked up and gaped in horror. He had heard the stories passed on through the other Smashers, but he had never thought them to be real. And yet here it was, standing right in front of him. Link looked over at the others. Mario and Samus wore expressions of equal fatigue and exasperation. Even Kirby, the pink ball of boundless energy and happiness, seemed exhausted.

There was a long silence. At last Kirby spoke up. "So what special abilities or powers do you have?" he asked with a false mask of cheerfulness. Kaepora Gaebora cleared his throat (everyone shuddered at this) and began.

"I have many abilities at my disposal for use in Smash Brothers. I am an owl, a bird of the order _Strigiformes_ , and as such I have many natural weapons to aid me in the heat of battle. For instance, my talons are of great use to me when hunting for food. These talons of mine," he said as he raised up one leg, "are very powerful. In fact, they might be used to pick up any adversaries who wish to do me harm, and carry them away.

"My next tool, as you might have guessed, are my wings." Kaepora Gaebora spread his wings with pride. "My wings allow me to fly wherever and whenever I please, and, might I add, at quite high speeds. The feathers on my wings are serrated, or saw-like. These feathers have a much different composition that those of other birds. You see, with the feathers of other birds, air rushes over their surface, thus creating turbulence. As for my feathers, they have a comb-like fringe along the edge. These are known as fimbriae. These fimbriae break up the air that travels around me as I fly, which in turn allows me to sneak up on enemies and prey unheard.

"Any sneak attacks and other such underhanded and dastardly tactics will prove to be ineffective against me. I have a natural sense of anticipation, and this is intensified with my superior vision and hearing, and my head rotation range." He proceed to demonstrate, causing Mario and Link to cringe and look away. "And although it may not look like much, my beak is a very powerful tool indeed. It is used specifically for gripping and tearing potential prey.

"Of course, even these skills are compounded by my magical abilities in my human form, which is known as Rauru. In this form, I am known as the Sage of Light, one of the seven Sages of Hyrule. In this form, I obviously lose my ability of flight and superior eyesight, but I more than make up for it in magical might. I can use light magic in its many forms. I am capable of using Zelda's Light Arrows and other such magical weapons.

"Shall I repeat that?"

The interviews snapped out of the lull the old owl's speech had sent them into. It was almost as if they had all fallen asleep. When they looked up, Kaepora Gaebora was standing there, patiently staring at them.

Samus took a drink from her bottle of water and checked her watch. _4:58_! Samus had to hand it the owl, he had some powerful lungs. A bubble of giddiness rose up in her chest. She deliriously stared at him for a while, then quietly pointed at the door. Kaepora Gaebora looked very disappointed and flew out the window.

There was a long silence. In the distance, the sounds of a presumably exciting match was going on. The crowd roared as a fighter (judging by the sound, most likely Marth) was sent careening away from the arena. At last, the clock struck 5, and the bell rang. Oh, that sound, that heavenly, glorious sound! The day was over. The interviewers were free.

Mario, Link, Samus, and Kirby all sighed in unison as they rose out of their seats. The foursome trudged out of the interviewing lobby, punched out their cards, and closed the door behind them.

Mario turned to Link. "So, what are your-a plans for the rest of-a the day?" Link replied, "I'm gonna see what Little Mac's up to. See if he's finally learned to recover." Samus nodded and said, "Maybe he should just make sure to turn on Super Leaves and Rocket Belts before his matches." All four shared a laugh at this.

Kirby bounced up to Link's shoulders and clung to them. Link didn't seem to mind, thank goodness—Kirby would have gotten flung across the room if he had tried it with someone like King Dedede or Ganondorf. He asked, right into Link's pointed ear, "Where's Pikachu?"

Link paused. Pikachu up and leaving had slipped his mind in the slog of interviews. He wondered where the little mouse had gone. As they kept walking, they passed by the kitchen, where Chef Kawasaki was cooking up sweet potatoes, crumb topped Super Mushrooms, and a fish and Maxim Tomato soup. (And he hadn't even started dessert yet.) They passed by the bar, or as Master Hand insisted, the _tavern_ , where Stanley the Bugman stood absentmindedly wiping the counter, a birthday cupcake next to him. One staircase later, they passed by the mailroom, where they heard a trio of whistling.

 _Whistling_?!

Mario, who had been leading the group, stopped, which caused Link, Kirby and Samus, to bump into him. He paused to listen for a bit, then turned to the others. "Do you-a hear that?" The group of four also paused to listen. Indeed, there was whistling, merry whistling coming from the mailroom. Normally, all that was heard, if one cared to stop and listen, was the sound of endless sheets of paper. But there it was, clear as day: the sound of three people whistling in harmony. All four put their ears to the door to hear. There was even laughter interspersed with the whistling. This was a very rare thing indeed. Slowly, Mario opened the door a crack to get a closer look.

There, standing in the dusty old mailroom, were Nikki, Alph, and… _Pikachu_?! The three were organizing the votes and talking amongst each other. They were laughing, smiling, and possibly even… _bonding_ over their work. Alph had apparently told a hilarious joke, as Nikki appeared to be wiping tears away. The four interviewers stood agape at the scene. Ever since the interviews had been established, they had not once seen Pikachu laugh or even smile during his job. Yet there he was, smiling and laughing along with the others. Mario quietly closed the door. "So, this is where-a he was, all this-a time…"

Link scratched the back of his head. "Should we go get him? I mean, he seems happier here than in the interviews…" Kirby stared at the door for a while. Pikachu probably would get in trouble if Master Hand found out the he was ditching his job, and Master Hand would go after him next if he found out that Kirby hadn't told him. He plopped down from Link's shoulders and tried to think. Risk Pikachu's happiness and tell Master Hand or don't tell and let Pikachu be. _This is a serious moral dilemma_ , Kirby thought to himself. _I'll just go ask Samus what I should do_. He looked up, and to his surprise, Samus, Link, and Mario were walking away and talking amongst themselves. Kirby quickly caught up to them and clung to Mario's shoulders.

"Guys, what are we gonna do about Pikachu?" he asked the group. Samus simply shrugged and said, "Well, he left his job. That's his responsibility. If he gets in trouble with Master Hand, that's no skin off my nose." Mario and Link nodded in agreement. Kirby looked worriedly back at the door. He remembered Master Hand's anger at Crazy Hand for destroying the bell (and Luigi's skeletal system). Kirby sighed to himself. He quickly followed the others.

* * *

"So then, I tried to use my back aerial to shake him off, but that didn't even work."

"No, really? After all that damage…"

"Then, once I landed, I had to use my forward smash, but he teched at the wall, _right_ where a Super Star spawned!"

"No way! How did you survive?"

It was 8:52, and Pikachu was recounting one of his previous matches to Nikki and Alph. He was right in the middle of a story where he, the brave, selfless underdog hero, had to defeat the evil and menacing…Toon Link. The match was on the Great Cave Offensive, and Pikachu had Toon Link on the ropes.

"So now," the mouse continued, "he's chasing after me while invincible, while I'm hauling tail outta there, trying to find a Heart Container or Fairy Bottle or _anything_. Suddenly, I find two Dragoon pieces in the Crystal area. But _of course_ , Toon Link gently taps me _once_ and I lose them both." Alph and Nikki sat upright in their chairs, hanging on to every word.

"So now he's got both pieces, while I'm at 120% damage. If I touch any of those danger zones, I'm dead. The stakes are pretty high. I turn around and Toon Link's right behind me, with a _Hammer_." Alph and Nikki gasped in unison. "I try to roll, but…" Pikachu paused for dramatic effect, then smirked. "The Hammer head fell off. Toon Link turns tail and tries to run away, but I managed to catch him and send him flying into a Danger Zone." He deeply bowed as Nikki and Alph gave their applause. In a strange coincidence, the clock struck 9 at that moment.

All three of them sighed in relief. They packed up their bags and said their goodbyes to each other. Pikachu in particular was very happy to reach the end of the day. He was already dreaming of a soothing bath to end his day. He walked out of the mailroom and closed the door. Ah, it felt so good to breathe such clean air! He rounded the corner and took a couple of steps, where Master Hand was waiting.

Pikachu wilted like a flower under Wario's chair.

Master Hand floated there, perfectly still. If he had eyes, he'd be staring right into Pikachu's soul. "Please step into my office," the large glove said. His voice was disconcertingly calm. Pikachu swallowed. As Master Hand turned to go, Pikachu could see a familiar round, pink shape dart behind a wall. The electric mouse felt something drop inside himself. Kirby had ratted him out after all! But he was too afraid to be angry. Pikachu decided that he would take care of Kirby later… if there was anything left of him after Master Hand was done with him.

* * *

"Let's review your violations, shall we?"

Pikachu winced at the word _violations_. Somehow, using more sophisticated terms for harsh words made them hurt more. He was sitting in Master Hand's office, awaiting his fate.

The office was quite pristine, with marble walls and a lovely carpet. On the shelves to the right were various trophies and accolades, along with certain mysterious relics that were strictly off-limits to the other Smashers. Master Hand himself was reading off a list of Pikachu's misdeeds.

"You walked off your job without my knowing, and walk into some other job that did not need your assistance. You abandoned your co-workers to help others." Master Hand's voice had a strangely flat tone. It was terrifying. Pikachu just kept quiet, unsure of where this conversation was heading.

Master Hand adjusted his half-moon glasses (somehow), then put the list down and stared directly at Pikachu. "Why did you do this?" he asked in a strange tone. Disappointment, perhaps?

Pikachu exhaled. The disappointment was not what he had expected at all. Somehow, he would have preferred if Master Hand had vaporized him on the spot. He was like a father in that sense. Pikachu breathed in and was about to explain himself when there was a knock at the door. Whoever was at the door was clearly in a hurry, as they wouldn't stop knocking, even as Master Hand slowly drifted towards the door. The large glove fumbled with the doorknob before pulling it open. Immediately, a bundle of people fell into the office. Pikachu's ears perked up in surprise.

" _Alph_?"

The young engineer was sprawled out on the floor next to Nikki. They had been listening in and had rushed in to stop Master Hand from delivering his painful judgement. Alph stood up and instantly launched into a speech. _Nikki must have taught him this_ , Pikachu thought to himself.

"Please, sir, it wasn't his fault—"

Nikki chimed in, "I just really needed some extra help—"

"Pikachu helped us out a lot—"

"Please, _please_ don't hurt him—"

"Take me instead—"

" _Silence_!" the glove roared, sending bits of plaster raining down from the ceiling. The two quickly and wisely fell silent. Master Hand paused, then said, "I am not going to punish Pikachu." A spring of hope welled up inside of the mouse. The hand went on, " _If_ , of course, he is willing to provide an explanation."

And so, Pikachu went into the story of how he had stormed out of his dull job, and how he had happened across an overwhelmed Nikki and had been guilt-tripped into helping them (Nikki and Alph giggle to themselves), and had actually had fun at this job. Master Hand listened through all of this, and was silent when he had finished. He appeared to be deep in thought. Pikachu, Nikki, and Alph looked at the large white glove and waited.

At last, Master Hand turned to Pikachu and said, "Pikachu, if you wanted to change jobs, why didn't you just ask? I would have changed your position if that's what you wanted." Pikachu, who had been waiting for Master Hand's rage to break over him, relaxed a little. Nikki tentatively asked, "You would have had him transferred?"

"Of course!" Master Hand replied in a much cheerier tone. "I may be a being of almost ridiculous cosmic power, but I am not a cruel despot! If you wish to be transferred into the mailroom, simply fill out these qualification forms." He dropped a stack of papers as tall as Link in front of Pikachu. The Pokémon recoiled. "I have to fill out all of this?"

Pikachu immediately covered his ears as Master Hand's deep booming laughter filled the room. Even more plaster fell from the ceiling, and the objects on the shelves shuddered. The laughter died down. Master Hand swept most of the stack away from Pikachu leaving a single sheet of paper left. "That was a joke, you see." He offered a pen for the mouse Pokémon to take.

* * *

Pikachu, Nikki, and Alph walked down the hallways in silence. Pikachu was now sporting a shiny badge in the shape of an envelope, marking his official membership as a mailroom member. It was 10:00, and the moon was shining on the Smash grounds.

Eventually Pikachu turned to Nikki and Alph. He looked very uncomfortable, and looked as if he has trying to say something. He opened his mouth, but Nikki stopped him. "You don't need to. In fact, I should be thanking _you_. Without your help, who knows how far we would have gotten?" She beamed at him.

Pikachu couldn't bear to look her in the eye. He felt his face grow warm. There was a long, awkward silence. At last, Alph cleared his throat. "Well, we'll be seeing you tomorrow, I guess." Pikachu nodded in response. Alph and Nikki turned and left.

Pikachu stood there looking after him. He decided it was time for him to get some shut-eye. He started to walk back to the dormitories. As he opened the door, a familiar voice called out to him. "Pikachu!"

Pikachu turned around to see who called him. It was Kirby, who looked tired and relieved to see him. "You're not dead, after all!"

Pikachu tiredly waved at the puffball, then suddenly remembered. The mouse rounded on him. "You!" Kirby's smile promptly dropped. He backed away. "Pikachu, I was just doing my duties, I was just doing my duties as an interviewer…" Pikachu's cheeks sparked dangerously. "You told Master Hand that I skipped out on you," he growled.

Kirby began to sweat profusely. "Yes, I d-d-did. B-b-b-but, I _also_ told Nikki and Alph that y-y-you were in trouble, and I sent them to defend you! And l-l-look at you now!" he added, keeping a close eye on Pikachu's bright red cheeks. "Master Hand didn't v-v-v-vaporize you! So it all balances out, right? _R-r-r-right_?"

The electricity coming out of Pikachu diminished. His fists relaxed. "I suppose." Kirby breathed an audible sigh of relief, then quickly fled before the mouse Pokémon could change his mind. Pikachu watched as the puffball ran away. He would let Kirby off just this once. He looked up at the moon and smiled to himself. For once in his life, he was looking forward to his job tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2: Returning Rival

Marth awoke to the sound of his alarm clock going off, as usual. He blinked, sat up in his bed, and rubbed his sleepy eyes. He glanced at the clock. It was 7:30 in the morning, and most of the other Smashers were still asleep ("Early to bed and early to rise," he reminded the others). Already the sun was shining through his window. The young Altean prince stretched and got out of bed. He set about his morning routine, the first steps being taking a shower and brushing his teeth. After that, he combed his hair, an effort that took forty minutes, if he was in a rush. After this, he had to polish his armor and his beloved sword, the Falchion. Marth delicately placed the sword in its sheath by his hip. Now he was ready. He checked the time. 8:35. _So, it's that time already_ , he thought to himself. He walked out of his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Marth walked down the hallway. Some of the Smashers were starting to wake up already. One such Smasher, a Kirby-sized, blue, hyper-serious warrior from Dream Land caught up with him. Marth looked down at him. "Good morning, Meta Knight."

Meta Knight looked up at the prince. "Good morning, Marth." The two continued their walk to the lunchroom in silence. This silence did not continue, as the swordfighters were interrupted by Jigglypuff, a Pokémon from the Kanto region.

"Hi, Marth. Hey, Meta Knight," she greeted. Both of them waved their salutations. Jigglypuff was biting her lower lip and grinning, as though she wanted to say something. Meta Knight turned to her and asked, "Yes, Jigglypuff? Is there something you would like to tell us?"

Jigglypuff snickered. "You wanna hear what Greninja told me?" She was now hopping on her two feet. Marth looked down at Jigglypuff. Normally, Jigglypuff was calm and collected, if not a bit sluggish. This morning, on the other hand, Jigglypuff was stifling giggles as if she was a middle school girl who had found out that her best friend had a crush on the local jock. The balloon Pokémon went on. "Greninja told me that he'd heard rumors—"

At the word _rumors_ , Meta Knight stopped her. "Jigglypuff, you know that such schoolgirl gossip does not interest me." Jigglypuff offendedly inflated herself. "This is _not_ schoolgirl gossip. _This_ is interesting. Anyway, Greninja told me that he'd heard rumors that Master Hand was planning on inviting some more people to Smash Bros."

Marth and Meta Knight stopped in their tracks. _More people_? This was interesting, after all. Marth asked, "More characters? How can you be sure?"

Jigglypuff looked delighted that she had found a captive audience in Marth and Meta Knight. She continued, "Greninja told me that last night, he had been sneaking around the grounds. Looking for something, I dunno. Anyways, he was in the vents above Master Hand's office, and he saw three envelopes like the ones we got." Here, Ness, a psychic boy from the town of Onett, strolled over to listen. "Did he see who they were for?" Now, more and more Smashers were listening to Jigglypuff's spiel. Jigglypuff smirked. Now she had a real captive audience. "Well, as you know, one of them was for Lucas." Lucas was another psychic boy from the Nowhere Islands. "When I asked Greninja who the other two were for, he said…" The "audience" leaned in to hear her better. "He told me…" She put on an imitation of Greninja's quiet, calm voice. "That… is a secret I am sworn to keep."

The Smashers groaned. All that stringing along for nothing? They begged Jigglypuff for more news or even a hint, but the Pokémon wouldn't budge, saying that only Greninja knew. Marth rolled his eyes and address the complaining Smashers. "Calm down, everyone. I'm sure neither Jigglypuff nor Greninja know who the new characters are, if there even are new characters to begin with."

"As a matter of fact," said a voice in Marth's ear, "I _do_ know."

Marth jumped and nearly fell over, causing a few of the other Smashers to laugh at him. Marth irritatedly dusted himself off and turned to see Greninja, the frog ninja Pokémon staring right back at him. "Oh, really? Well, then, _Greninja_ , care to explain who these so-called new characters are?"

Greninja looked over the small crowd of Smashers with a straight face. "There are three new characters that will be joining the cast. One of them is Lucas, as you know. The other two…" The Smashers listened with bated breath. "…are a secret I am sworn to keep."

The Smashers all groaned again. Bowser Jr. spoke up amongst the crowd. "Greninja doesn't know. If he knew, he would just tell us instead of trying to be all mysterious and edgy."

Greninja's calm, unflappable demeanor faltered. "E-edgy?!" Indeed, that was the first time he had heard the term used as an insult. "I'm not edgy, it's just that I can't tell—" Bowser Jr. waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," the young Koopa prince mocked. "Don't try so hard next time." Some of the Smashers chuckled as the crowd dispersed, the loudest of all being Bowser. "That's my son!" could be heard at a distance.

Greninja slumped. None of the Smashers had believed him. And worst of all, that weird mutant Squirtle had called him _edgy_. Was that even an insult? The ninja Pokémon looked around. Everyone else had gone to breakfast already. Greninja straightened up. _Very well_ , he thought to himself. _The others will find out at breakfast that I was right and they were wrong. And then they'll pay. They'll_ all _pay very dearly…_

…

 _Oh, dear Arceus, is this what he meant?_

* * *

Marth sat down next to Falco as usual to eat his breakfast. "Say, Marth," said Falco. "You heard the rumor about more characters coming?"

"Yes, Falco, I have heard that rumor," answered Marth. He took a bite of his French toast and swallowed. "Nothing more than unfounded gossip, if you ask me."

Falco shrugged. "Yeah, but, _if_ there were two other characters, who do you think they would be?" The prince turned to Falco. "Well, if I had to choose, I would choose Isaac from Weyard and…" He paused to think. "Perhaps Chrom?"

Falco almost choked on his grits. "You're goin' with _Chrom_? _Him_ , of all people?" The Altean prince stared at him. "Yes," he said innocently. "Is there a problem with that?" The pheasant stared at Marth incredulously. "Is there—is—is there a _problem_?!" he spluttered. He turned to Olimar on his right. "Can you _believe_ this guy?!"

Olimar nodded. "You would probably be wasting your vote with Chrom. I suggest going with someone like Anna or Leif." Marth snorted in a decidedly un-noble manner. "Oh, really, Captain? And who would _you_ vote for?"

Olimar put a hand to his chin in thought. "Hmmmm… I would probably invite my coworker, Louie, and… the president of Hocotate Freight."

Falco looked at the short astronaut disdainfully. "You can't be serious. You can't be seriously considering inviting your boss to join Smash Bros." Olimar looked at Falco. "Well, yes, I am serious. And it's not because I'm financially obligated. No sirree…" Olimar tried to avoid eye contact and whistled innocently. Falco and Marth remained unconvinced.

"If _I_ was in charge," declared Falco, "I would add Dunban and Krystal. Krystal because Fox would be happy, and Dunban because he seems like a pretty cool guy. He's got a sword so he'd—" The bird's reasoning was interrupted by a bell. Everyone gave their attention to the morning announcements. As opposed to Nikki delivering the news, this time, Master Hand himself was at the front of the lunchroom. He was wearing a fancy-looking cuff around his wrist, with even fancier-looking Smash Ball-designed cuff links. Whatever he was announcing, it was clearly important.

"Good morning, Smashers!" he boomed. "Today is a very special day. The new fighters that I ordered have arrived on the grounds." This was met with thunderous applause. Master Hand cleared his throat and continued. "The first challenger to join the battle is, as you know… Lucas, from Mother 3!"

The Smashers roared and cheered with approval as the timid-looking blonde boy stepped into the lunchroom. The loudest and most joyful cheering came from Ness' side of the room, alongside Kirby and Peach. Lucas awkwardly waved at the crowd, then quickly sat down next to Ness.

Marth smiled. He whispered to Falco, "He may not be the most megaton of announcements, but it's nice to see a popular veteran return." Falco nodded in agreement. "Hopefully this means we'll see Wolf again. I can't wait to kick his tail again!" He made karate gestures in the air as Marth chuckled.

Master Hand waited for the Smashers to calm down. He went on his introduction. "The next character is an oldie, but a goodie." The Smashers oohed in response. Marth could hear Jigglypuff whisper, "I _told_ you so!" Master Hand proclaimed, "Everyone please welcome…" The Smashers were on the edge of their seats. Master Hand seemed to relish the anticipatory silence.

" _Roy_!"

Marth's smile dropped like Kirby's Stone form. He stared blankly ahead. _No_ , he thought, _it couldn't be. Perhaps Roy Koopa is becoming his own character?_ Even the other Smashers seemed stunned as the red-haired Pheraean prince waltzed in, an overjoyed grin on his face. Eventually, there was applause, but nowhere near the extent of Lucas'.

Falco just looked amused. "Well, whaddya know. They actually brought back ol' Roy. And it's weird, 'cause just last week, I was talking about—" He stopped as he looked at Marth. The prince looked traumatized, as though he was going to faint. "Uhh… Marth? You okay?" Olimar looked worried. "Marth, do you need some water?" Marth's eyes were unfocused. "I'm fine," he said in a barely-audible whisper. Falco and Olimar exchanged glances. Marth was clearly not fine at all. As Roy walked down the aisles, he waved to Marth. He failed to notice when Marth didn't wave back.

Marth didn't look up when Master Hand announced Ryu from Street Fighter as the third newcomer. He didn't flinch when the room erupted into shouts and clapping. He didn't even notice as the muscular man in the karate gi passed him by. The only thing that mattered to Marth was that _he_ had returned, even after he thought he had been rid of him forever.

* * *

After breakfast, Marth quickly excused himself and ran out of the room as quickly as he could while also looking casual. What had just occurred in that room was quite possibly the worst moment of his life. Roy was back. The Altean prince had learned to be distrustful of Roy ever since that fateful day in 2003. He shuddered at the thought. He decided that the best course of action would be to just lock himself in his room. Yes, that's it. Just lock himself in his room, and never come out. He didn't care if Master Hand called him out for his scheduled matches. He didn't care if the other Smashers were giving him funny looks as he walked down the hallway. He was _not_ coming out of his room, no matter what. Not in a million years.

Marth was so engrossed in these thoughts that he almost ran smack into his door. He blinked, fumbled with his key as he entered his room, and then slammed the door behind him. He took deep, ragged breaths. How? How could Master Hand have done this? Roy wasn't important. He was just a clone, a _cheap imitation_. Marth heard laughter outside. With some hesitation, he opened the door a crack to see.

He regretted his decision instantly. _He_ was there, laughing and joking with Sonic, the world's fastest hedgehog, and Princess Zelda of Hyrule. _Oh Zelda_ , he thought, _fair, sweet, Zelda, why must you be sucked into his mock charm and false promises?_ He growled under his breath and immediately covered his mouth. For all he knew, they might have heard him and could come knocking to visit. The thought was enough to turn his stomach and make him feel lightheaded. He shut the door as quietly as he could. The laughter died away.

Marth took a seat next to the window. He needed some fresh air. Outside, he could see Charizard, the prideful fire-type Pokémon, in a tree enjoying the sun with several other Pokémon. On the ground, Yoshi could be seen tossing a ball around with Toon Link. In the meantime, quite a few birds had gathered under his windowsill and just seemed to be having a good time. The prince sighed. _Look at them_ , he thought to himself. _They don't know. They don't know that_ he _has returned. Oh, just look at me_ , he chastised. _I'm so pathetic, I'm getting jealous of birds. The non-sapient type, of course,_ he hastily added, remembering Falco and King Dedede.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Marth jumped out of his seat, his heart pounding in his chest. Could _he_ have returned, to say hello? The knocking continued, then, a voice was heard.

"Prince Marth? Are you in there?"

Marth exhaled. That voice belonged to the Villager, a boy from a peaceful town in Animal Crossing. He could be trusted. Marth relaxed a little and opened the door. To his mild surprise, the Villager had brought friends with him. These friends were another, pink-haired Villager girl, R.O.B., which stood for Robotic Operating Buddy, and Mr. Game & Watch, a completely flat, faceless, pitch-black man.

The male Villager, with brown hair and wearing a red t-shirt with a bright blue number one on it stared directly at Marth. (Most of the cast was creeped out by his penchant for doing this.) "Prince Marth! Aren't you going to come?"

Marth blinked confusedly. "Come? Come to where?" R.O.B. lifted his head and spoke. "We have come," he said in his soft monotone voice, "to collect you so that you may attend the party for Roy." Marth flinched at _his_ name. "Please," he whispered. "Don't speak his name." Pink Villager stared at Marth with a puzzled look on her face. (She, too, enjoyed making prolonged, direct eye-contact with others.) "Why? What's wrong with R—" She stopped herself. "What's wrong with the Melee veteran?"

Mr. Game & Watch, who had been completely silent up until that point, now spoke up. "Come on, Marth," he spoke in that choppy, computerized voice of his. "You and Marth used to be really close in Melee. Well, at least until that one day, when you—" A moment of clarity spread across the area that Mr. Game & Watch's face would be. " _Ahhh_ , it's all coming together now. You still haven't forgiven him after that day, haven't you?" Marth's face turned very pale. He looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping, then quickly invited the foursome inside.

Mr. Game & Watch chuckled, a low chuckle interspersed with beeping sounds. "I see now. You still haven't let it go, have you?" Marth glared at the flat man. "It's _not_ funny. I still have nightmares about that day." He shuddered as he poured cups of tea for his visitors. In the meantime, R.O.B. and the Villagers were sitting there, completely lost. The boy Villager asked, "Why does Marth hate Roy? Oh, sorry," he added, as Marth flinched at the sound of Roy's name and nearly spilled tea on his tunic. Mr. Game  & Watch turned to face R.O.B., appearing to be nothing more than a straight line. "Say, R.O.B., I told you this story back in the Brawl days, remember?" R.O.B. appeared to be scanning his internal memory. His eyes suddenly lit up. "Yes, the incident in November 2003, at the party celebrating Fire Emblem's worldwide release. Roy had gotten it in his head that he should—" He was suddenly interrupted by Marth screeching " _Stop!_ "

All four of Marth's guests jumped and looked at the prince. None of them had ever heard Marth shout outside of a battle, and especially not shriek like a ReDead. Upon closer inspection, he looked very unlike himself. Normally, the Altean prince would appear calm, poised, and collected, very much like a prince should. But now, his hair was messy, his face alternated between flushed and pale, and his eyes constantly searched the room. Marth as he appeared now reminded the group of King Dedede after one of Wii Fit Trainer's workouts.

The girl Villager looked very disturbed at Marth's appearance. "Whatever _that guy_ did, it can't be that bad, can it?" Marth turned to face her head on. "Oh, Villager, innocent, naïve, little Villager…" He cupped her face in his hands, prompting her to slap them away. "If you only knew… _if you only knew!_ " he said in a much louder, unbalanced tone. There was an awkward silence as Marth curled up on the floor and gave heaving sobs. The boy Villager asked, "So… are you not gonna tell us?" Marth answered in a muffled voice, "I'd much prefer to _not_ relive the worst days of my life, thank you very much." He curled up in an even tighter ball and shivered. Everyone quickly finished their tea and left, not wanting to stick around much longer. R.O.B. made sure to close and lock the door behind him.

After making sure that they were gone and hadn't left _him_ in the room. Marth got up and shuffled towards his bed. Now that that little interruption was over, he was all set to never come out of his room again. And so, this was it. The Villagers, Mr. Game  & Watch and R.O.B. had been his last contact with the outside world. He had never even gotten to properly say goodbye. Marth sighed. It was actually kind of sad that he would never see them again. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. It was a small price to pay to avoid seeing _him_ again. He checked the clock. It was 10:00. The young prince had plenty of time left in the day. He walked around his room and re-combed his hair (it was about time, it was a rat's nest). After that, he re-polished his armor and Falchion, re-applied his eyeliner, and set about dusting his room. He checked the clock again. The clock read 11:10. It had only been an hour.

He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. When he had decided to live a life of solitude, he hadn't expected it to be so dull. He gave a great sigh. He was getting kind of hungry. He could go outside and get something to eat, but that would run the risk of seeing _him_ again. If only the Cloaking Devices were still around in the tournament, then he could sneak around unseen and get a bite to eat. Marth then remembered that Master Hand had banned item use outside of matches. He sighed again. Maybe locking himself in his room wasn't such a good idea after all…

An idea struck him. He could just get someone to bring food to him. Marth sat up on his bed. Who would be the best Smasher for the job? He paced the length of his room. Kirby, Yoshi, and King Dedede were obviously out of the question. Meta Knight would probably just tell him to get the food himself. He needed someone who was strong, had plenty of self-control, and who could blindly follow orders. Perhaps an Assist Trophy…?

Wait a minute…Pikmin!

 _Yes, that's it!_ Marth thought. Pikmin are strong in numbers. They couldn't eat anything but nectar. And they had a knack—no, they were _famous_ —for following orders like little robots. All he had to do was lure some Pikmin away from Olimar or Alph. He dashed over to his drawer and pulled out a small bottle of nectar that Olimar had lent him. He opened the door just a crack to pour it out on the floor. Then, Marth shut the door, lay flat so he could see it through the crack under the door and waited.

He continued to wait. And wait. And wait some more. "How long will it take for some Pikmin to come?" he asked aloud. From the sound (or lack thereof), there was no one in the hallway. Marth's stomach began to growl. Who knows how long he'd been waiting there? He was just about to eat the nectar himself when he heard tiny footsteps. The footsteps drew nearer and stopped. To Marth's joy, he could hear the unmistakable sound of slurping.

Marth readied an empty pickle jar and stood up. He would have to bring the Pikmin in quickly in case they scattered. With a loud _bang_ , he opened the door and brought down the jar.

Marth hadn't expected the Pikmin to be so big, nor had he expected them to cry out in agony. The surprise was enough to cause Marth to drop the jar, sending glass pieces flying all over. The shards lodged themselves into such inconvenient places like a Pikmin's legs and Marth's face and upper arms. Both parties were left on the floor, howling in pain. The nectar lay off to the side, forgotten.

Marth got up, still hissing from the pain in his face. As he wiped away the tears from his eyes, he realized that the oversized Pikmin he had captured was not a Pikmin at all. It was much too round and yellow, and it lacked the stem ending in a leaf on its head. The not-Pikmin rolled over and groaned.

"Oh, hello, Pac-Man."

Pac-Man got up and gingerly rubbed his leg. He noticed Marth and glared at him. "What'd ya do that for?!" Marth grinned apologetically. He was about to apologize when he realized something. "Wait a minute… why were you trying to eat nectar?"

The yellow ball shrugged defensively. "Whaddya expect me to do? I was hungry; I found some food, so I ate it! That's normal!"

Marth stared at Pac-Man. "You were hungry?"

"Obviously," replied Pac-Man.

"So you ate nectar."

"Yes."

"Off the ground."

"Yes."

"You realize nectar has very little nutritional value, correct?"

Pac-Man opened his large mouth, realized what Marth had said, then stopped himself. He retorted, "Well, what were _you_ doing sneaking around with a glass jar? Trying to catch mice or something?"

Marth shuffled uncomfortably on the spot. At last, he mumbled, "I was…trying to catch…Pikmin." Pac-Man blinked. He snickered. "Why were you trying to catch Pikmin?"

Marth squirmed around. "I was trying to get Pikmin… to bring me food." This time, Pac-Man cackled out loud. "I never expected _you_ of all people to be lazy, Marth! Can't you just go get it yourself?"

The Altean prince twiddled his fingers and tried to avoid eye contact. "Y-y-yes, I could," he stammered out, "but I might run the risk of running into _him_." Pac-Man looked perplexed. "Who's _him_?" Marth stayed quiet, and only looked down at the ground. The yellow ball playfully nudged him. "Wait, was Samus right? Are you actually afraid of Diddy Kong?"

Marth winced at the name of Donkey Kong's little buddy. "Oh, Naga, no! It's far, far worse than _the Dreaded_ …" Pac-Man put his hands on the area where his hips would be. "Well, if it's not Diddy, then who are you so afraid of seeing?" He noticed Marth shivering, like a lost child. Pac-Man changed his tone to one that was softer and more paternal. "Come on, big guy. You can tell me."

Marth sniveled and looked up at Pac-Man's kind face. In a voice more befitting of a scared little boy than a world-renowned prince, he asked, "You promise not to tell?"

* * *

"So, it's like that…"

The two were sitting in Marth's room, and the prince had just told Pac-Man everything about Roy and why he hated having to see him again. At Marth's behest, Pac-Man had agreed to not recap what had happened in 2003. "Because of one semi-harmless prank back in 2003, you're avoiding him?" Marth simply stared into his cup of tea, not saying a word.

Pac-Man simply looked amused at Marth. He'd never known about the history between Marth and Roy. He chuckled to himself, ignoring Marth's protests that "It's _not_ funny!" "Did Roy ever apologize?" he asked.

"No." Marth's reply was simple and curt. Over his tea, Pac-Man took a good look at Marth's face. It reminded him of a small child. Upon closer inspection, Marth was pouting. Pouting, of all things! Pac-Man struggled not to laugh. Behold, the brave, noble prince of Altea, brought to his knees by a childish grudge. He was also apparently brought to his knees by a monkey in a hat, but that was neither here nor there. He poured the rest of the tea into his mouth like a waterfall ("Have some _manners_ ," groaned Marth) and put the cup down.

"Listen, Marth," began the Dot Eater, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief, "It's been, what, ten years since it happened? And you're still hung up on this?" Marth nodded slowly, as if he didn't want to admit it. "He _hurt_ me," he whined.

Now this was just getting silly. Pac-Man stood up from his chair and put a hand on Marth's shoulder. "Marth, listen. You're not gonna like this, but you have to hear it. _You need to let it go_."

Marth looked at Pac-Man as if he had just grown an extra set of limbs. "So what you're saying is, I should forgive him and move on?"

Pac-Man responded with his classic thumbs-up-and-wink pose. "That's the way! After all, I'm sure he's sorry for what he did. He's probably looking for you right now." Marth reflected on Pac-Man's words for a bit. He suddenly jerked his head up and smiled. Even his posture relaxed. "You're right. I was acting very silly, wasn't I? I should go apologize." Pac-Man smiled warmly as the two got up and left Marth's room.

* * *

Marth strolled down the hallways, his old princely demeanor returned to him. Being told that Roy was in the main hall by King Dedede, he was ready to forge new friendship with the Pheraean prince. He passed by the mailroom, where Pikachu, Nikki and Alph were hard at work, sorting votes for who would be the next Smasher. He passed by the boy Villager who had visited him earlier. He joined Marth on his mini-quest to find Roy. _Pac-Man was right,_ the prince thought to himself. _It was years and years ago, that's all behind us now!_

 _I mean, who honestly cares, right? In hindsight, it was actually quite humorous._

 _I especially admire the creative combination of Barrel Cannons and hot sauce. Well done, Roy!_

 _And the teapot! I never knew it could converted into a makeshift hot-air balloon._

 _Yes, I remember how it began with lighting my hair on fire…_

… _I still have scars on my scalp._

 _I was in the infirmary for four weeks. I missed Fox's birthday party._

…

All these thoughts swirled around in Marth's head as he made his way down to the main hall. His merry gait slowed a little, and turned into a casual stride. The casual stride turned into a normal walking, then a march, then annoyed trudging, and finally agitated, yet reserved, stomping. Marth completely forgot about Pac-Man's epiphany. He was going to _make_ Roy apologize.

At last Marth found Roy. The redhead was busy trying to chat up Samus, who looked largely disinterested. Marth scowled. _How dare that knave,_ he thought, _acting as though my injuries mean nothing! I'll make him pay…_

Marth started to move forward. Roy looked up and saw him. A wide grin split across his face. " _Marth!_ " he cried, failing to notice the Altean prince's face going red as Mario's hat. "It's been too long!"

Roy ran up to Marth and attempted to hug him. Marth quickly put up his hands, stopping Roy in his tracks. "Oh, no hugs? That's OK. You haven't changed a bit, have you?" He gave Marth a friendly nudge, completely ignoring Marth giving him the death stare of a lifetime.

Marth grit his teeth. "Roy…" he began.

Roy ignored him. "Aw, man! Mewtwo and Dr. Mario! Almost everyone from Melee is back! I mean, the Ice Climbers aren't around, but 3DS limitations, whaddya gonna do? And there's no Young Link or Pichu, but who needs 'em, am I right? Eh, Marth? Am I—am I right… Marth…?"

Now Roy noticed Marth fuming. His face had gone from beet-red to a dangerous purple. Roy withered slightly. "Uh, Marth?" he asked in a small voice. "Everything all right? You look like Bowser when he found out I wrecked his Koopa Clown Car." (In the background, Bowser yelled, "That was _you?!_ ")

Marth took a sharp breath through his nose. " _Roy,_ " he said in a dangerously quiet tone. "Do you remember 2003?" Off to the side, the Villager and Pac-Man watched anxiously.

Roy thought for a moment. He snapped his fingers in understanding. "Oh, yeah! That was the year my game's prequel came out worldwide! Ahh, the memories…" The redhead looked wistfully off into the distance. "That was some party, lemme tell you…"

"Oh, let me tell _you,_ I remember it all too well," Marth snarled. Roy blinked and looked up at Marth. His eyes widened as he recalled another memory. "That was the time I pulled that prank! Oh-ho-ho-ho, that was hilarious! You should have seen your face! That was the first time I saw you cry!" Roy fell to the ground and started pounding the floor with his fists, doubled over in laughter.

Pac-Man, who was watching the scene unfold, looked very worried. He prayed that Marth wouldn't lose his cool on Roy. His worries were dangerously close to being realized, as Marth looked as though he would literally explode from rage. In fact, unless Pac-Man was seeing things, he could have sworn Marth's eyes were turning red.

Roy continued to cackle and hoot at Marth's expense. Lying face-up on the floor, he was just about to recall a moment when Marth's trousers had torn when he was interrupted by the Falchion mere inches from his nose. His smile dropped. "Marth… what are you doing?"

Pac-Man prayed even harder. _Please don't mess it up, don't mess it up, don't mess it up…_

Marth scowled down at Roy. "I'm challenging you to a duel."

 _Don't mess it up!_

Roy stared blankly up at Marth. "Is this 'cause of that prank I pulled?"

 _Don't mess it up!_

"Yes," Marth hissed. "I'm here to settle our little score. Do you accept?"

 _Don't mess it up!_

Roy grinned a mischievous, toothy grin. "Oh, you _know_ I'm ready."

… _Dang it._ Pac-Man shook his head in annoyance, his hand hitting his forehead.

Roy stood up, dusted himself off, and readied his own sword, the Sword of Seals. (Some called it the Binding Blade.) "All righty, then. No items?"

"No items. This is to be a test of skill."

"Whatever you say, _Martha!_ " the redhead teased. "I told you not to call me that!" Marth hissed. With that, the two swordsmen took off towards the teleporters that would take them towards the stages. Bowser chased after them, bellowing, "Hey! Redhead! _You still owe me a Koopa Clown Car!_ " The main hall was now empty, leaving a boy and a yellow ball all alone.

Both Villager and Pac-Man sighed in unison. At the very least, they were settling their differences the way Master Hand intended them to.


	3. Chapter 3: The Scavenger Hunt - Part 1

The female Wii Fit Trainer awoke at 6:15 AM. Marth was known for being an early bird, but the Wii Fit Trainer took that to the next level. Nobody really noticed that she was the earliest riser of the Smashers; they all just assumed she got up with the rest of them. It didn't bother her that much—in fact, she actually enjoyed the peace and quiet of a tranquil morning. These were especially valuable, because tranquil mornings were a rare thing in the tournament. She glanced out the window. The sun was rising, its first few rays peeking over the mountains. Wii Fit Trainer took this time to start off her day right: with some healthy yoga. She lay down her blue yoga mat—her favorite—and set to work straight away. She started off with the Dancer pose, lifting her leg so her arm could grab it and stretching her free arm out in front of her. This lasted for 40 reps. After that came the Triangle pose. She tilted her body to her right to place her right palm against her leg and twisted her torso.

As she held this pose, she thought about the day that lay ahead of her. With a slight smile, she remembered that today was the first day of her new training regimen for the Smashers. Every day, after breakfast, the Smashers would all go down to the Wii Fit Studio, the only indoor stage on the grounds. There, they would perform a series of calisthenics to loosen them up and get themselves ready for their matches for the day. She'd sent the idea straight to Master Hand's office, where it was approved almost immediately. After stretching her shoulders a bit, she rolled up her yoga mat and walked outside. It was still only 6:45.

Wii Fit Trainer stepped out of her room and took a deep breath. The air was warm and hazy. She started walking down the hallway to the Wii Fit Studio, but was interrupted by a loud _bang_.

So much for a peaceful morning.

Wii Fit Trainer stumbled. She hadn't expected chaos this early in the morning. Usually chaos had the decency to wait until all the Smashers were awake. But today, chaos felt the need to get up as early as the Wii Fit Trainer. And, of course, chaos was usually the work of someone on the grounds. Well, she was awake now, so she might as well investigate. She picked up her duffel bag and jogged towards the source of the noise, making sure to set her pedometer first.

As Wii Fit Trainer trotted down the halls, she noticed that none of the other Smashers seemed to be awake. She made a mental note to push for earlier wake-up times. There was another explosion in the distance. Whatever, or whoever, was the cause of this, was up to no good.

As yet another rumble cause the floor to tremor beneath her, the Wii Fit Trainer could make out voices. They were barely audible, but she could barely make out the voices of two young boys. She slowed her walk and sighed. Leave it to kids to sleep in when they needed to get up early, and be awake when they were expected to be asleep. Not to mention, they were playing with explosives this early in the morning, so obviously they must have gotten past the Mii guards. Master Hand would surely have their heads if he found out…provided he hadn't already.

Wii Fit Trainer saw the next explosion right outside the window. It was the unmistakable blast of a Smart Bomb. After the blast subsided, she stuck her head out the window and looked down. Sure enough, there were the culprits: Toon Link, a younger version of Link with cat-eyes, and Pit, an angel knight who was unable to fly on his own. They were carelessly tossing bombs in the air, trying to snipe them out of the air with their arrows.

"Did you see that? How it got cut into an X shape?" asked Pit.

"Yeah, that was amazing! Get another one!" replied the green-clad warrior.

Wii Fit Trainer's brow furrowed. They could find an excuse to get out of their daily exercise, but here they were, playing with bombs outside of a match. She opened the window wide enough for her to stand, then leapt down with the grace and elegance of a swan. She landed like an Olympic gymnast, surprising Pit enough that he almost dropped the Bob-omb he was holding. "Well, well, well," she murmured, surveying the two like a mother would her naughty children. "Having a little fun outside?"

"Miss Fit Trainer!" stammered Pit, who tried to hide the explosive behind his back. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I always get up at 6:15 A.M every day," she replied coolly. "The real question is, what are you and Toon Link doing up so early outside, and with _explosives?_ "

Toon Link stepped in to cover for the angel, who looked as if he might spill the beans. "We _found_ these dangerous bombs just lying around outside the bomb room. So we decided to… uh… get rid of them. Yeah, that's it! Get rid of the bombs with our arrows. _Right, Pit?_ " He nudged Pit to support him.

Pit blinked. "Huh? Uh, yeah! We're just gettin' rid of some bombs. Nothing suspicious here!" He grinned just a little too widely to convince the porcelain woman.

Wii Fit Trainer's eyes narrowed. From the looks of it, she wasn't convinced. Pit and Toon Link sweated nervously. She must have been trying to stare right into their souls. At last she smiled just a little too nicely for their comfort.

"Well then, since you're already wide awake, maybe you could help me prep the studio for our aerobics session. I mean, it's not like you're doing anything constructive right now."

"Hey! Shooting bombs with our arrows _is_ constructive! These could have fallen into the wrong hands," Toon Link retorted.

"At any rate," said Wii Fit Trainer, looking into the box of bombs, "you're almost out of bombs, anyway, sooo…" She beckoned for them to follow her as she walked around to the front door. Both boys begrudgingly followed after her.

Pit whispered to Toon Link, "Told you we should have gone to the lake." He received an elbow in the ribs for his helpful suggestion.

* * *

After the Smashers finished their breakfast (no breakfast was complete without King Dedede complaining about reduced rations), they all walked down to the Wii Fit Studio, some more enthusiastically than others. It was a hard time getting everyone inside, for Bowser Jr. insisted on taking his Junior Clown Car with him. After everyone was settled and ready, Wii Fit Trainer walked to the front of the room with her brother, the other Wii Fit Trainer.

The female Wii Fit Trainer addressed the Smashers. "Welcome to our new official aerobics program! I'm so glad everyone could join us today on such a beautiful morning." She chose to ignore the dark clouds moving towards the grounds. Let's get started, shall we?" She stepped onto her yoga mat, and began with the Tree pose. "Breathe slowly as you hold this pose."

All the Smashers took, or at least tried to take, the pose (save R.O.B., who was physically incapable and instead stood there despondently). This was a very trying pose, especially for the Smashers that hailed from Dream Land. None of them had any knees, so they stretched their arms above their heads and stood on one foot. Dedede was unable to hold the pose, and just flopped over on his back. The ground shook when he fell, and everyone turned to look at him. Both Wii Fit Trainers sent steely glares his way as he struggled to get up. On the opposite end of the spectrum of fitness, Samus, Sheik, and Greninja found the Tree pose to be no trouble at all.

After a couple minutes of holding the pose, the male Wii Fit Trainer said, "Now relax and exhale." The Smashers relaxed and exhaled with great gusto, some of them even slumping over in exhaustion. And it hadn't even been ten minutes! He noted that over sixty percent of the Smashers had poor posture.

The porcelain man shook his head. Already, some of them looked as if they were ready to give up. He skimmed over the crowd. Luigi, who had only recently gotten out of the infirmary, was sitting on his mat, fanning himself with his cap. Yoshi just looked hungry, and was looking at Olimar's Pikmin as though he was contemplating how best to prepare a Pikmin salad. Even Ganondorf, Link's archenemy and the self-professed Great King of Evil, was wiping sweat from his brow. _All that armor must be doing a number on him_ , thought the porcelain man. _Maybe if he took it off…_ He was suddenly assaulted with the mental image of Ganondorf, wearing yoga pants and drenched in sweat. He shook his head, trying to erase the picture from his brain.

The female Wii Fit Trainer was busy setting up some calming music for their exercises when her brother alerted her of some of the Smashers' lack of preparation for the day. She silently nodded.

"All right, everyone, I'll just give it to you straight. That first pose was awful. I've seen better yoga from a rhino with a concussion." This was met with a round of offended scoffing. King Dedede whined, "But it's not fair! In case you haven't noticed, _some of us_ aren't capable of contorting our limbs to freakish positions like you are. And _some of us_ ," he emphasized, pointing to his two stubby legs, "lack certain limbs."

Wii Fit Trainer thought for a moment. "All right," she decided. "R.O.B., you can sit this one out." Everyone turned to glare at the robot, who simply rolled away off to the side. King Dedede was outraged. "I wasn't talking about him! I was referring to me! Since you clearly haven't noticed, I'll just spell it out for you: _I! Don't! Have! Any! Legs!_ " Dedede was now shaking, beads of sweat flying off him. His face had gone past red, and was now going towards a deep purple. Everyone stared at him. Kirby, who had placed his mat right next to Dedede's, timidly asked, "Dedede, are you OK? You might get an ulcer…" Dedede hissed back, " _Don't touch me._ " If looks could kill, Dedede would have been arrested for mass murder. Kirby actually deflated a bit and backed away from Dedede.

Hoping to divert attention from Dedede before he exploded, Wii Fit Trainer continued her speech. "I noticed that some of you did not come prepared today. That's okay, it's only the first day. Luckily for you, I came prepared." She took out a large cardboard box seemingly from nowhere. The Smashers all seemed confused. They looked closer to get a peek as Wii Fit Trainer opened it and pulled out one of its contents. She smiled brightly, as the others looked at it in a mixture of horror and confusion.

"I got everyone a fresh pair of yoga pants!"

* * *

"I've suffered my fair share of humiliation during my time as a Smash Brother, but this is the final straw."

Ganondorf scowled as he held up his clothes to the light. How dare he, the King of Evil, be forced to wear these pathetic excuses of clothing! He tossed them aside in disgust. "I do not need these. I'm perfectly fit."

He was in the men's changing room with Bowser, who was busy examining his own pair. "Sheesh," he complained, "she couldn't even be bothered to get my size? Well, I hear they're supposed to be stretchy anyways." He cautiously put a foot through one of the leg holes, just barely getting it in. Bowser moved his position so he could get the other leg in, tearing the pair of pants clean in two. The Koopa king looked at the pieces of fabric on the ground. "Ah, well! Don't need 'em, anyways!" he declared jovially. With that, he stomped out of the changing room. Ganondorf ground his pair into the ground with his boot, then quickly followed suit.

Most of the Smashers had already changed, save for the ones that never wore clothes. Sonic the Hedgehog and Lucario were such Smashers, nonchalantly leaning against the wall and striking up conversation. On the other end of the studio, Shulk, a youth from Bionis, was chatting with Mewtwo, a cat-like psychic Pokémon. Shulk was trying to convince Mewtwo that exercise was worth his time.

"Oh, come on, Mewtwo! Exercise is known for calming the mind and body."

Mewtwo telepathically replied, "I don't really see the point of these _physical_ exercises."

"Well, physical exercises are important, too!" replied the Homs. "You're one of the lightest fighters here; you could do with some extra muscle." He made to pinch Mewtwo's arm, but the Pokémon's glare stopped him. Mewtwo answered, "I am the most powerful Pokémon in the world. I do not need physical strength."

Shulk sighed. "That may be true, but—whoa." Something caught his attention. He nudged Mewtwo to look where he was looking. Mewtwo turned his head. Captain Falcon was there, in his tight-fitting yoga pants. He was staring at Samus, in her tight-fitting yoga pants. Luckily for Captain Falcon, she didn't notice, otherwise she would have broken his jaw.

Shulk snickered. Even Mewtwo seemed amused; a smile played on his lips. He stopped immediately when Shulk noticed him. "You humans are a very strange sort."

On the other end of the studio, the Mario Bros. were busying themselves with some preliminary calisthenics. The older brother said, "You know, I really don't-a see why I have to-a do this, but I suppose it'll help in-a the long run." Luigi nodded and replied, "They'll especially-a help for our upcoming trip to-a Rio. And-a besides," he said, in a voice that Mario couldn't hear, "you could stand-a to lose some weight." He turned and faced the full-wall mirror to do some lower back stretches. As Luigi stretched, he noticed how sleek and formfitting his yoga pants were.

Now, Luigi was not known to be a vain man. Quite the opposite, in fact: he was actually very well known for his shyness. But seeing his reflection in that mirror set something off inside of him. He moved a little closer. The pants were a simple green color to match his hat. Luigi turned his waist. He actually looked good! Perhaps even…attractive?

The plumber checked to make sure no one was watching. The coast was clear. At last, he could truly admire himself for the beautiful man he now realized he was. Luigi hesitated for a bit, then flexed. Sadly, he lacked the bulging biceps that Captain Falcon had. No matter. Who needs upper arm strength when he had a pair of absolutely gorgeous legs? Luigi tentatively struck a pose and struggled to contain a giggle. He reminded himself of Bowser when _he_ checked himself out in front of a mirror.

"Excuse me."

Luigi yelped and turned around. Wii Fit Trainer was standing right behind him. She did not look impressed by Luigi's show of strength, unlike the other Smashers behind her, who wore varying degrees of amusement on their faces. "If you don't mind, we're ready to start." The plumber's face went as red as a tomato. He quickly shuffled back into the group amidst peals of muffled laughter.

After some quiet returned to the studio, the Wii Fit Trainer spoke up. "This next exercise is the Single Leg Extension. It helps build triceps and torso and increase coordination." She stepped onto her mat and balanced on one leg, pulling the other back and forth. Her brother indicated to the others to do the same as she walked around the studio giving tips to the Smashers.

This time, it was not the Dream Land fighters, but Ganondorf that had trouble with the exercises. He struggled to keep his balance on one foot while also moving his other leg. He wobbled and winced with every rep. This made him a prime target for the Wii Fit Trainer, who made a beeline for him.

Ganondorf grit his teeth as the porcelain woman looked him up and down. _Don't say it,_ he thought to himself. _I swear to Din, if she says it_ …

Wii Fit Trainer stared him right in the eye. She smirked and simply said, "You're wobbling. Try to keep your balance." She walked away to tend to an aching Charizard, leaving a seething Ganondorf to almost topple over and land on Fox.

Wii Fit Trainer walked in between the rows of Smashers. She noticed that for all of Charizard's pride, he was not very good at calisthenics. She quietly took note of Bowser's steady improvement of posture. She stopped and lingered at Ike.

 _Ike…_

The porcelain woman stared at the mercenary and sighed. She paid no attention to his faulty exercising. All that mattered to her was Ike's massive arms rhythmically churning. Oh, how she longed to be wrapped in those arms… to feel his heartbeat beating in his thick chest… She realized that he had been standing there for a full ten minutes. What if he had noticed? Her face turned scarlet as she quickly scurried away. She passed by her brother, who smirked at her gawking.

"All right, everyone, that's enough," called out the male Wii Fit Trainer. Ike relaxed, letting out a deep sigh. (The female Wii Fit Trainer's knees buckled.) "It's time for a run around the grounds." The Smashers filed out of the Wii Fit Studio, Sonic taking the lead. Both trainers were left alone in the room. This moment did not last very long, as Nikki walked in with a large crate. "Delivery," she called out, setting the box down.

The female Wii Fit Trainer rubbed her hands eagerly as her brother opened the box. A bright glow emanated from its contents. "Finally," they whispered. "They're here."

* * *

The Smashers walked out the doors of the mansion. The temperature was now an oppressive, humid 102 degrees, even with an overcast sky, and it showed no signs of letting up. King Dedede began to regret wearing his imperial robes, and began to lag behind the rest of the group. Several Waddle Dees had to carry him on a palanquin so he could keep up. Unfortunately for the Waddle Dees, it was a long walk to the starting point.

When the Smashers reached the starting point, most of them were already tired from the combination of the heat and the walk. A white line was painted on the ground. The female Wii Fit Trainer stood off to the side with a whistle around her neck. "This next exercise will test your speed and endurance. Everyone will run ten laps around the grounds." Sonic smirked to himself, expecting a relaxing run around the grounds. Everyone took a mark right behind the line. The porcelain woman blew the whistle. Right as she blew the whistle, Sonic took off, leaving the others to choke on his dust. Right after Sonic came Captain Falcon, then Little Mac, who was followed by an assortment of other characters. After the dust had cleared, King Dedede was still there, dozing on his palanquin with Waddle Dees slowly fanning him.

Both Wii Fit Trainers glared at the king. He paid them no notice as he rolled over to scratch his back. The male Wii Fit Trainer marched up to him and blew his whistle right in his ear. King Dedede jolted from his reclined position and looked around sleepily. " _Guh?!_ What happened? Is it time for my back massage?" He noticed the Wii Fit Trainers scowling at him. Although he was taller than both of them, he cowered under their gaze. "…Can I help you?" he sheepishly asked.

At this point, both trainers were too exhausted with Dedede's crippling laziness to deal with him any further. They just pointed him in the direction he was supposed to run. "Just…just run. Or walk. Crawl if you must, just _get moving._ " Dedede rolled his eyes and trudged forward, right as Sonic passed him.

The blue hedgehog looked back at Dedede as he ran. _Was Dedede always this slow?_ he thought to himself. He slowed his pace a bit, if only to let the penguin king catch up with him. The king flopped and gasped with every step he took. If he was moving, he was doing so very slowly. It must have taken Dedede an hour to get out of bed. Eventually, Dedede gave up running and simply rolled along the path.

Here, Sonic just stopped. This was just pathetic. The hedgehog turned back and stopped right next to Dedede. "What are you doing?" The penguin glared up at Sonic as he rolled. "I'm _rolling._ What does it look like I'm doing?" Sonic replied, "No, but, what are you _doing?_ That's not movement." Sonic helped Dedede up, ignoring the sudden pang of regret when Captain Falcon ran past him. "All right, because you clearly don't know how to run, I'll show you how to run. Okay?" The king started to protest that he did, in fact, know how to run, but Sonic didn't listen. He held King Dedede's hand ("I don't need any tutorial!") and started to walk with him. "Running is easy," he explained. "It's just walking, but much, _much_ faster." The penguin king snorted. "I already _know_ how to run. Can we just skip to the end of the lesson?"

"Skip…to the end?" asked the hedgehog. "Well, if you say so. I hope you know what you're getting into." Before Dedede could ask what exactly he was getting into, Sonic took off once again at his full speed, with Dedede in tow.

Sonic smirked to himself as he raced past Fox, Little Mac, and Captain Falcon. Now he was in his element. He sprinted past the clock tower, the pool, and the Assist Trophies' quarters. His surroundings started to blur around him. He could feel and hear the wind whooshing past him. It was so loud, he almost didn't hear King Dedede begging for him to stop. Sonic looked behind himself. Sure enough, there was Dedede, actually running, clinging to Sonic's hand for dear life. Sure, he was screaming, and he alternated between running and being dragged along, but he was still running nonetheless!

"Way to go!" he said, ignoring Dedede's long string of profanities. "We're gonna stop soon, so get ready!" Sonic could barely make out such words as "Thank goodness" and "I'll kill you". He could see the Wii Fit Trainers on the horizon. Just before he passed them, he quickly skidded to a stop. Dedede clumsily collided with Sonic, receiving a faceful of quills.

The Wii Fit Trainers were speechless. King Dedede, of all Smashers, had managed to complete 5 laps. Their shock was lessened when they saw that Sonic had been helping him, but it was still a surprise. The female Wii Fit Trainer stepped forward. "Dedede! I didn't expect you to run at all, let alone complete a lap. Congratulations!" She went to pat Dedede on the back when she noticed the penguin standing stock-still, not even blinking. She paused. "Um… Dedede? Are you okay?" King Dedede did not respond, standing motionless with his beak hanging open. Suddenly, he sharply inhaled… and literally deflated.

* * *

King Dedede was admitted to the infirmary that day. Overworking his body, Dr. Luigi claimed. He would be fine, he added. Both Wii Fit Trainers felt little sympathy for him, saying that this incident should drive him to pursue a healthy lifestyle.

After that was cleared up, the Smashers congregated in front of the main hall. The Wii Fit Trainers had changed their clothes from their yoga gear to more casual hiking gear. "To close out the day," began the woman, "we've prepare a fun activity for you all." She motioned for her brother to pass out several sheets of paper. "We're all going to split into groups for a scavenger hunt!" Everyone looked at the papers, which contained a list of things to get:

 **WELCOME TO THE SCAVENGER HUNT!**

 _Your quest is to find the following items:_

 _Shine Sprite_

 _DK Coin_

 _Zora's Flippers_

 _Seasons Heart_

 _Premier Ball_

 _Box of Yoshi Cookies_

 _Classic Table_

 _Bring these to both Wii Fit Trainers by 6:00 pm. Great prizes await for the person who brings a completed collection first._

 _ **GOOD LUCK, AND MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN!**_

A buzz spread amongst the Smashers. They speculated amongst themselves what the potential prizes would be. "One million coins!" exclaimed Wario.

"I finally get to use my Arwing!" said Falco.

"Dominion over the world!" declared Bowser and Ganondorf in unison.

" _Bananas!_ " cried Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong in joy.

The Wii Fit Trainers smiled at the positive response. "All right. I think we can trust you enough to form teams on your own. Find people you can work—" Her words were cut off as the Smashers scrambled to form teams, trampling each other in the process.

The Mario Bros. sought each other out immediately, and teamed up with Yoshi and Peach. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong made similar moves, choosing to join Charizard and Lucario. Captain Falcon attempted to pair up with Samus, but was greeted by an arm cannon pointed at his face, ready to fire. He disappointedly joined Marth, Ike and Link.

"All right, now _this_ is a winning team!" declared Bowser jovially. He hoisted his son on his shoulders, standing proudly next to Ganondorf and Mewtwo. He scanned the band of Smashers for more potential teammates. "Hmmmm… say, Ganondorf, who do you think would make a good partner?"

The Gerudo King got up from the boulder he sat on. He began to look amongst the crowd. "I would suggest Meta Knight, but we both know how _he_ ended up…" As he spoke, a short, stubby man in a biker's outfit walked up behind him. "Hey! Big-nose! I'm-a talking to you!" Ganondorf looked down at the squat man, a mixture of annoyance and disgust on his face. Wario paid no mind to the look on his face, and went on. "I heard you could-a use another teammate. Luckily, I, the great Wario, am willing to let you losers join me on my quest for these items. In fact, once I win, I _might_ let you share some of the treasure. So, whaddya say?" He extended a hand in alliance.

Ganondorf looked repulsed, not just at Wario's grubby hand, but also at the prospect of having to be on the same team as him. He was suddenly reminded of Wario's indifference towards his objectives during their time working under Tabuu. Ganondorf opened his mouth to reject the offer, but Bowser cut in with a "Sure, why not."

Ganondorf was taken aback. "Are you quite sure," he asked quietly, "that letting someone of his ilk join us is a good idea?" Bowser waved away his question. "Eh, it'll be fine. He'll do anything you want him to for a couple jewels. He's like a dog like that. A big, ugly dog." Ganondorf silently accepted his answer, making a mental note to keep a close watch on Wario in case he should attempt anything dodgy.

On the other end of the field, two white-haired figures, one man and one woman, were standing over a map of the grounds, along with Princess Zelda, a blue robot, and a short boxer. They were discussing possible strategies on finding the items, making sure they didn't lose their way, and what to do in the event of confrontation.

"With a team like this, we've covered all our weaknesses," said the white-haired man, named Robin. "Just in case, we're going to go over our roles again."

"All right," said Little Mac, the boxer ranked number one in the WVBA. "'Cause I've got some questions about mine."

"For starters," said the white-haired woman, who was also Robin from a different world, "I and my other self will be the brains and co-leaders of the operation. We will make the plans and strategies for hunting."

"Mega Man," said the male Robin, gesturing to the blue robot on his left, "will be the tools expert. With his adaptability and wide range of weapons, Mega Man is useful when dealing with obstacles. Next is Zelda. Zelda's telepathic abilities will allow us to tell if anyone else is nearby and what they are thinking. And lastly, comes…Little Mac." His tone of voice as Robin said his name was very anti-climactic, almost sounding disappointed. He continued. "Little Mac will serve as the muscle of the group. Should we find ourselves confronted with people looking for a fight," (Little Mac muttered Bowser's name under pretense of a cough) "Little Mac can simply punch them out, as it were…provided he stays on the ground, of course."

Here, Little Mac spoke up. "See, now, that's my issue. Just because I don't do so good in the air, doesn't mean it's my one defining character trait!" He produced a notebook from his pocket. "I've been looking through these strategic notes of yours. 'In case an item is found at a high elevation, Little Mac must not jump for it.' Or what about this one? 'Little Mac is not allowed to climb cliffs, no matter how much he asks. He must be carried.' I'm not a baby, you know!" The female Robin sighed and placed a hand on the boxer's shoulder. "Little Mac, it's honestly not a personal attack against you. It really isn't. My other self and I have simply analyzed your performance in your matches and determined that you tend to falter the moment someone launches you into the air. We're just looking out for you so you don't get hurt." Mega Man, who had been quiet up until that point, agreed with her, saying, "If you do end up lost and confused in the air, I could carry you. I promise, I'm gentle." Little Mac started to protest that he could do perfectly fine in the air, when he was interrupted by Pit, who was dragging another black-clad angel with him.

"Excuse me, guys, Pittoo needs your help," started Pit. The other angel, imaginatively named Dark Pit, muttered, "I told you to knock that off…" Pit ignored him and went on, "You see, Dark Pit is sad because no one wants him on their team." ("I'm not sad!" objected Dark Pit.) "I was hoping you guys might welcome him within open arms…" Pit put on his best pleading face.

Pit had genuinely expected the Robins' team to welcome his doppelgänger with open arms, or at least apologize and redirect him to another team, as the other teams had. What he hadn't expected was the female Robin snorting derisively, the male Robin stammering excuses, Zelda and Mega Man recoiling in unison and Little Mac to exclaim, "Please, mercy, _no!_ " The white-clad angel was astonished, to say the least. "Why? What's wrong with Dark Pit?" _Several things,_ thought female Robin.

Considering no one else was willing to tell the angels exactly why they refused Dark Pit, Little Mac stepped forward. He looked straight into Dark Pit's eyes and said, "Please, you have to understand, we would take anyone else before you. Literally, anyone else." Dark Pit was livid. As if on cue, a nonchalant-looking dog with a duck perched on its back trotted by. Little Mac seized the opportunity. He pointed to the dog and duck. "Like those guys! They're on our team now." Even the dog seemed surprised when Little Mac stooped down to pick the two animals up. Both angels were stunned. Pit asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have Pittoo? Tell you what, I'll throw in an extra. You get Dark Pit, _plus_ you get me as an added bonus! Any takers?" he asked hopefully.

Zelda stepped forward. "Listen, Pit, maybe you should try someone else? Like Palutena? Or how about Lucina? Or _anyone else?_ " Pit started to say that Lucina had already rejected him, and in fact, she had directed him to Zelda's group, when Palutena walked past them. Following her were Rosalina, the mother of the cosmos, and Fox. "See, look, there she is now! Go ask her _now._ " And with that, Zelda shoved the two angels in the direction of the goddess. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank Nayru. Anyone but Dark Pit." She looked back at her group. Little Mac had accepted the dog and duck, and was now petting them with his boxing gloves still on. Zelda stared at them. She looked at the Robins, who scrutinized the animals as though they were criminals. "No, Mac," said the female Robin at last. "We're not taking the dog."

"Aw, come on!" Little Mac stood up. "These guys would make great teammates. And look, they already have a role!" He stooped down to pick up the dog, much to the duck's annoyance. "Check it out. Perfect mascot material."

The male Robin stared at the dog. It stared back with a smug expression. He ground his teeth. "…Fine. Whatever. We can keep them." He looked again at the dog and duck.

Little Mac addressed the two animals. "You hear that, guys? You're on our team now!" He held up his gloved fist for a fist bump. The dog refused to oblige, only snickering at him in response.

At that moment, the female Wii Fit Trainer addressed the mass of Smashers. "Okay, everyone, have you all formed your teams?" The crowd indicated that they were all set to go. Both Wii Fit Trainers smiled in response. "All right then, on your marks!" The Smashers all prepared themselves.

"Get set, and… _go!_ " The Smashers took off in various directions, spreading out through the grounds.

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: Yessiree, we got a multiparter here! What will happen on the scavenger hunt? Will the items be found? Can Luigi go without being humiliated? Thank you for reading, and find out next time in Super Smash World!**_


	4. Chapter 4: The Scavenger Hunt - Part 2

A woman in a suit of powered armor raced through the forest of the Smash grounds. Branches and dead leaves crunched underfoot. She had been given a mission: to locate several objects and artifacts from the various universes of her friends and bring them back to headquarters. Upon reaching a clearing, she stopped suddenly and aimed her arm cannon, wary of potential foes hiding amongst the trees for an ambush. She waited. There was nothing but silence… until a voice behind her spoke up.

"Chill out, Samus. There's no one here."

The voice belonged to her teammate, Pikachu, who trotted into the clearing after Samus. He waddled up next to the bounty hunter and looked around. "Like I said, there's no one in this part of the forest but you and me." Immediately after he said that, Captain Olimar and Ness charged into the clearing with all the subtlety and stealth of an angry Bowser chasing Mario. "And them," added the mouse Pokémon.

From the looks of them, the two had been chased into the clearing. "Bowser… taped a banana… to my back…" gasped Ness in between breaths. "Donkey Kong went crazy… went after some yellow Pikmin, too…" The psychic boy reached into his backpack and pulled out a bottle of water, which he eagerly drank. Olimar said, "I tell you, when I saw him rushing at me, the look in his eye was nearly identical to that of a hungry Spotty Bulbear! The likeness was uncanny." He shuddered.

Samus relaxed a bit. "Okay, what do we have to get first? A Shine Sprite?" She and the rest of her team took out the list. "What even _is_ a Shine Sprite?" asked the bounty hunter. "Some kind of fairy?"

Ness shrugged. "I think it's one of those things that we'll recognize when we see it. Guess the best way to find one is to start looking." He looked around and pointed in a seemingly random direction. "Starting… this way!" The psychic boy stepped out of the clearing and into the forest, with the rest of his crew close behind.

As the foursome trudged through the wood, they could hear the shouts of the other teams as they started their missions. Pikachu caught up with Ness and asked, "Are you sure we're going the right way?" Ness scoffed and replied, "Relax, Pikachu. My gut tells me this is the right way to go." Pikachu muttered under his breath that the last time Ness followed his gut, it ended with a flooded garage, a flock of angry seagulls and Falco getting assaulted by Bowser Jr.'s Mechakoopas. Ness could just barely make out the words, "…And don't get me started on poor Charizard! He couldn't sit down properly for weeks afterward!" Ness' expression suddenly turned sour. "That part wasn't even my fault," he mumbled. "And he shouldn't have touched that ginseng anyways…" Pikachu was about to chime in when he suddenly paused. His ears and tail perked up. Olimar stopped behind him. "Is there something wrong, Pikachu?" Samus asked, "Are there enemies around?" The mouse Pokémon took a few tentative steps forward. "No, it's not enemies…" He sniffed the air. "I think… one of the items we're looking for is around here." His teammates looked hopeful. "Are you quite positive?" asked Olimar. Pikachu stood completely still, as if he was checking to make sure there was an item. At last, he declared, "Just call it a Pokémon's instinct."

"Wait, wait, wait, how can you be so sure?" asked Ness doubtfully. "You were just getting on my case about how my gut does nothing but get into trouble. And now you suddenly try to one-up me and claim that you know where the item is?" While Ness rambled on, Pikachu walked up to one of the trees, a tall, thick old fir. He sniffed around at its base as Samus and Olimar watched closely. "Oh, don't try that 'in tune with nature' shtick! If it was Lucario or Mewtwo, then it would have at least something to back it up." As Ness was ranting about Pikachu's apparent lack of natural instinct, the mouse Pokémon gently tugged at one of the roots. Just as he let go of the root, a section of the base fell away, revealing its hollowed insides. "Just because you're a Pokémon doesn't mean you automatically know your way around—around a…forest…" Ness' jaw dropped. He hadn't even noticed the tree revealing its secret, nor had he noticed Olimar clapping his hands in delight. "Excellent work, Pikachu! Of all the trees in this forest, how did you know it was that specific tree?" Pikachu grinned. "What can I say?" he responded. "I guess my _gut_ told me this was the one." He placed a gentle, but noticeable emphasis on the word _gut_ , shooting a smug smirk at Ness as he did so. Ness fumed.

Samus peered inside the tree trunk. "Guys… there's a staircase in here. It's leading underground." "Obviously," stated Olimar, "this must lead to one of the items on our list. Let's go!" The team squeezed into the tree's trunk and hurriedly headed down the stairs.

At the foot of the stairs, a long tunnel stretched out before the four Smashers. The only light came from a few sparsely placed torches. As they silently marched down the tunnel, Olimar was reminded of nighttime on PNF-404. He swallowed. _Oh, the horrors… that blasted Waterwraith…_ he thought.

"Are you okay?" Olimar jumped and looked up. Samus had asked the question, and she stared down at him through her helmet. He nervously rubbed his forearms. "It's just… I'm not the biggest fan of the dark."

Ness put a comforting hand on Olimar's helmet. "Hey, listen, it's okay," he said kindly. "Just remember that we're here, and we're on your side." Olimar silently nodded his understanding. He quickly shoved the thoughts of the Waterwraith out of his mind. He was not about to let fear of some watery hellspawn ruin their mission. He looked around at his Pikmin dutifully following him. Even so, the space captain couldn't get rid of the suspicion that they were being watched…or perhaps, they were being preyed upon.

At last, they could see a faint yellow light at the end of the tunnel. The quartet quickened their pace. The idea of checking off an item so early in their quest gave them extra energy. Upon getting closer, they reached a round, mossy room. Light shone down from a hole in the ceiling. And right in the center of the room stood a pedestal, which held up a small treasure chest.

Ness let out a cheer, and Pikachu jumped up and down, clicking his heels. They raced towards the pedestal. "Wait," said Ness. "If we're gonna open this, we gotta do it the right way." All four Smashers huddled around the treasure chest as the psychic boy gripped the lid and hummed a small fanfare. A sliver of light shone through when Ness began to slowly open it. The light increased and grew brighter as the chest opened.

"Are these Shine Sprites?"

Inside the chest lay a cluster of rings with the letters "DK" inside. "I think," said Pikachu, holding up the list, "that these are DK Coins."

"How can you be sure that these are the DK Coins?" asked Ness. "Call it a bounty hunter's guess," remarked Samus, "but I'm pretty sure that DK Coins would have 'DK' printed on them." She noticed a piece of paper hanging out of the chest. "Hold on, is this a note?" She held it up and read it aloud.

 _These are DK Coins, also known as Cranky's Video Game Hero Coins. Diddy Kong was tasked with collecting them during—_

"You know what, I'm gonna stop right there," stated Samus. "It's just a bunch of trivia." She threw the paper scrap over her shoulder, where a yellow Pikmin picked it up and brought to Olimar. He was about to dispose of it when he noticed some more writing on the back. He held it up to the light (which was not an easy task, considering his height) and read the writing.

 _Another object you seek isn't quite out of the blue,_

 _To acquire this, is a Catch-22._

"Catch-22?" asked Ness. "What's that?"

"A catch-22," stated Olimar, holding up a declarative finger, "is a dilemma in which someone is trapped in a situation due to contradictory regulations." Ness stared blankly at Olimar. "In English, please." Olimar clarified, "Basically, one would need to do action A to do action B, but they would need to do action B to do action A." Understanding spread across the psychic's face. "Ooohhh, I get it now."

"So wait," said Pikachu. "How are we supposed to get one of the items on our list if we're gonna run into a catch-22?!" They all thought about Pikachu's question. Had the Wii Fit Trainers set them up for failure?

Samus spoke up. "I think the best option would be to just collect the other items. Who knows? We might get to use one of these items to bypass the paradox. For now, we'll just take the coins and check them off."

Ness took one of the coins and held it up to the light. "I wonder if Donkey Kong uses these as currency." As he slipped it into his backpack, Pikachu joked, "Well, it'd be better than using bananas. I mean, really. Just imagine edible currency." The foursome shared a good laugh.

"So," said a voice interrupting their laughter, "it was you who stumbled upon the tree."

All at once, the foursome stopped laughing and got ready for battle. There was Ganondorf, tall, powerful, and merciless, with Bowser, Bowser Jr., Mewtwo and Wario flanking him. His arms were folded at his chest, and instead of the scowl he wore normally, his face had a superior-looking smirk.

Samus glowered through her visor. "What do _you_ want, Ganondorf?" she asked suspiciously. "And more importantly, how did you get here?"

Ganondorf chuckled. "I had Wario spy on you from a distance. Honestly, the classic hollow tree trick. Who would have guessed that this scavenger hunt would have been so childishly simple?" He and his companions started to move towards the pedestal.

Immediately, Ness jumped up and readied his baseball bat. "Don't think you guys can try anything funny!" Bowser stared down his nose at the boy. "Oh, calm down, egghead. We're not gonna _try_ anything. We just came to get the coins that _you_ discovered for us. You sure saved us a lotta trouble!" The Koopa plucked a coin out of the treasure chest and tossed it towards Wario, who greedily dove for it. After getting what they came for, the villains filed out of the room, with Wario bringing up the rear. Pikachu could hear Wario muttering about how he would spend his prize money.

Samus lowered her arm cannon, still glaring at the opening where they had left. There was a long silence as the foursome just stood there. Eventually, Pikachu cleared his throat. "Well, if they followed us, then maybe we ought to return the favor. I say we sneak after them and see where they take us."

* * *

"Slow _down_ already, Sonic! At least let me catch my breath…"

The hedgehog stopped in his tracks and looked behind himself. Sure enough there were his teammates, Toon Link, Roy, and Falco, far away on the plain. He moonwalked back to rejoin his group.

Roy had his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths. "Come on, man. Let us catch up." Sonic shrugged. "Well, maybe if you lost some of that armor, then you'd be able to run faster." Roy glared at him. "I am _so_ faster. See, look at me now!" He began to run past Sonic. "Look at me! I'm faster than Marth! I'm faster than Falco!" ("Rub it in, why don'tcha?" grumbled Falco.) "I'm so fast! So fast! Gotta go—" He stopped. "Say… guys? What's this cave?"

The Pheraean prince stared at the mouth of the cave. Tall and imposing, it led deep underground. At least, that's what the team could assume, for there was nothing but pitch blackness beyond a certain point.

Roy's teammates caught up with him and stared into the yawning cave. Toon Link put his hands on his hips. "That is a big cave."

"Really?" said Falco in mock surprise. "What an insightful observation!"

Toon Link had gotten used to Falco's sarcasm, and chose to ignore it. " _So_ ," he said, as if he was explaining basic phonics to a four-year-old, "it obviously means that one of the items we're looking for is in there. Besides, caves were made for exploring!" He hopped in and trotted straight into the darkness of the cave.

Sonic turned to Falco. "Well, he's right, you know." He, too, dashed into the darkness of the cave after Toon Link, prompting Falco and Roy to go after him.

 _This cave is a lot darker than it looked from outside_ , Roy thought as he marched down the slope of the cave. _There better not be any monsters hiding around here…_ The slope steepened a bit as the heroes marched on.

"Hey, guys?" Toon Link's voice called out. "How deep underground do you think this cave— _gaaaaaah!_ " The hero's words were cut off and replaced with screams that faded away.

Falco readied his blaster. '"Toon Link!" He charged forward, ready for enemies hiding in the darkness. Suddenly, he shouted in surprise, and his screams began to disappear.

If Roy hadn't been worried before, he certainly was now. "Falco? Toon Link? What's going on?!" He frantically began to look around, seeing nothing but darkness. "Sonic? Anyone?!" To his left, he could hear Sonic's voice begin to fade. The Pheraean prince ran in that direction, arms flailing. "Guys?! Where are you?!" Roy felt the ground under him suddenly steepen. He stuck out his flailing arms for balance, but to no avail. He fell on his face and began to slide downwards.

" _Aaaaaaaagh!_ " Roy screamed as he slid down towards the void. His armor scraped against the ground, and pebbles flew into his teeth and eyes. The tunnel twisted left and right. Roy jerked away as he felt his sword collide with a stalagmite. _How long is this slide, anyways?_ thought Roy.

As if in response, the slide began to level out. Roy relaxed a little, sensing the end of his ride. A faint light caught his attention. It belonged to Falco, holding a torch. Ah, so there were his friends! He breathed a sigh of relief. There they, almost ten feet under him! He was so relieved to find out they were okay, he couldn't even feel the ground under him anymore!

Roy suddenly realized the implications of his thoughts. He looked down. There was the ground, ten feet below him. Make that nine feet. Eight feet. Seven feet…

The sudden, dull _thud_ caught Toon Link's attention. He and his teammates dashed over to Roy. "You okay?" asked Falco, his own feathers ruffled and dirty. Roy peeled his face off the ground. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sliding down a death slide and falling ten feet didn't faze me at all." Falco looked up at the slide's end and put a feathered hand to his chin in thought. "Yeah, in hindsight, I probably shoulda warned you about that."

Roy got up. "Very funny." He dusted off his armor and looked around. There was nothing of particular interest in this part of the cave. A high ceiling with black stalactites, stalagmites jutting out from the bottom, and a large, murky lake to their right. Sonic shuddered at the sight of the lake. "I just hope we don't have to go near that lake."

Toon Link put a comforting hand on the hedgehog's shoulder. "Relax. The Wii Fit Trainers wouldn't put it _there…_ " His eyes drifted, settling on a suspiciously cracked section of wall. "But they'd sure put it in there!" He raced toward it, an already-lit bomb in hand. With a big, wide, grin, Toon Link chucked the bomb towards the wall and watched as the cracks widened and fell apart. He smirked. "Seriously, I mean, come _on_ , that's the oldest trick in the book…" he said as his team walked up to the cavern.

Toon Link had expected a fountain in the secret room, or perhaps a treasure chest, or even an old man waiting to give them an item. What he hadn't expected was a shrieking black cloud to suddenly glide out of the wall and make a dive for them. He stumbled back in surprise and fell on his back.

" _Keese!_ "

Roy and Falco reached for their weapons and pointed them at the black cloud, while Sonic curled up into a ball, ready to strike. The cloud soared upwards and separated, revealing the mass of bat-like creatures, furious that someone had blown their cave apart. The Keese diverged from each other, swooping and gliding and making dives at the heroes, shrieking all the while. It was a very confusing ordeal, with no light to guide the team as they were assaulted by Keese.

"This could have possibly been avoided," hollered Falco as he shot at a Keese diving for him, "if you hadn't been so reckless with the bombs!"

"Excuse me?!" cried Toon Link indignantly. He fired an arrow into the air, taking out three Keese at once. "It was just one bomb, how was I supposed to know there would be Keese in there? And besides, who are you to call _me_ reckless?!"

"Uh, guys," said Sonic, who was dealing with several Keese nipping at his neck, "I hate to interrupt your little spat, but we're currently dealing with an angry swarm of Keese who want our blood, so feel free to knock that off whenever you want."

Amidst all the fighting and arguing, Roy was dealing with yet more Keese lunging at him. He swung his sword with mighty strokes, taking a step forward with each swing. At the very least, he could try to find out where the Keese were coming from.

Swatting away more of the bats, Roy ducked into the grotto. Clearly, this was where the Keese came from, as evidenced by the numerous Keese nest clinging to the ceiling. At the very least, there was some light, coming from a small treasure chest on a pedestal.

Score.

With a grin, Roy strolled over to the pedestal, ignoring the shouts coming from outside. Just as he was about to find out exactly what was inside, he heard the sound of multiple retreating footsteps. He paused and looked around with a tight grip on his sword. No one else was there, though the prince thought he caught a glimpse of someone's boot leaving the same way he came in. He shrugged it off, thinking it to be another Keese, and turned back to the chest. Even with the sliver of light its contents gave off, it was still enough to light up the while grotto, while fully opening the chest filled the grotto with a blinding golden light. After Roy's eyes had adjusted, he looked inside and beheld its contents.

"What are these?"

There were several items, as big as Roy's fist. Small golden objects that resembled the sun, if the sun had eyes and three round ornaments on the top. _So this is where the light came from,_ Roy thought to himself. There was a scrap of paper hanging out of the chest. The prince picked it up and began to read it.

 _These are Shine Sprites, the source of Isle Delfino's sunshine. Mario was tasked with collecting these during—_

The agitated shouts of his teammates brought Roy back to reality. He looked at the Shine Sprite in his hand, then back outside into the darkness…

Darkness… source of the island's sunshine… An idea formed in Roy's head. He stuck the piece of paper in his pocket, then dashed back outside.

Roy had barely taken two steps out of the grotto before more Keese descended on his jugular veins. He winced as fangs sank into his neck, causing him to drop the Shine Sprite. Falling to the ground, the Pheraean prince reached for it, but to no avail. More Keese dove for the golden artifact.

As if recognizing the danger, the Shine Sprite slowly floated into the air, spinning as it did so. Falco, Toon Link, and Sonic all paused their fighting to stare at it as its spinning quickened. Even the Keese seemed to stop and watch.

When the Sprite had floated high enough, it suddenly emitted a bright light, illuminating the entire cave. The heroes had to squint to avoid being blinded. The Keese, on the other hand, weren't so lucky. They shrieked as the light shone ever brighter, and they were forced to flee.

Falco looked relieved to not only be rid of bats, but to get some light. "Finally, I can see my own hands in front of my face again." He glanced at the eager-looking Roy. "I guess I should be thankful… but what the heck is that?!" he said as he pointed to the slightly dimming Shine Sprite.

"It's a Shine Sprite! It's one of the items on our list!" exclaimed Roy happily, as it lowered itself for all of them to see. "I found it in that grotto." He pointed to the section of wall that Toon Link had blown up.

"You see that?" Toon Link had an insufferable look on his face. "We would never have found it if I hadn't blown it up." Under his breath, Sonic muttered, "We never would have gotten attacked by freak bats either." If Toon Link was irritated by Sonic's comment, he hid it under a smug expression.

Roy took out the piece of paper he had found and examined it. "Hmmm, Shine Sprites… wait! There's a note here!

 _To acquire balance like this item is a very common goal,_

 _The quest to find it is good for your soul._

The foursome stared at it for a minute. At last, Falco broke the silence. "I don't get it."

Roy put the paper back in his pocket. "Well, I guess it's one of those things that we'll—" His train of thought was suddenly cut off by a group of advancing voices.

"Did you _see_ that?!"

"Someone _has_ to be in there. Nothing natural could've made that flash!"

"Whatever that light was, it was most likely an item—ah, Falco!"

Olimar, Samus, Pikachu and Ness had come into view from above. They had obviously noticed the bright flash coming from the Shine Sprite. The team leapt down from the ledge they were standing on to get a closer look at the spinning object.

"So this is a Shine Sprite?" asked Samus as it lowered itself into Roy's hands. Ness' voice called out from the grotto. "Hey, guys, there's a bunch more in here!" He came out with another shining, glittering sun-like object in his hands. As the team turned to go, Toon Link asked, "Say, how did you guys even get down here, anyways?"

Samus shrugged. "We followed Bowser and his band into this cave. They just started digging their way through—" Her recollection was interrupted by Sonic. "Wait, wait, hold on. _Bowser's team was here?_ "

Pikachu nodded. "We followed 'em here after they followed us to where the DK Coins were. I get the feeling that they're up to something…" Roy was suddenly reminded of the brief glimpse of a boot back in the grotto. Could it be…?

Olimar spoke up. "Now that we have the Shine Sprites, I suppose we ought to exit the cave and continue our pursuit. However… how exactly do we get out of here?"

The groups looked around. How _were_ they to escape? The slide they came in on was too high to reach, even with a Hookshot or Samus' Grapple Beam. "I fear," continued the tiny spaceman, "that we may be trapped in—Samus, what are you doing?"

The bounty hunter had walked up to the wall. She rubbed it with her hand, seemingly lost in thought. She tapped a bit of the wall and scratched a small X into it. "Everyone stand back," she called out.

Everyone looked up at Samus. Before they could even ask why they should stand back, she fired ten Super Missiles at the X on the wall. The din that followed caused the other Smashers to cover their ears, and dirt to cascade from the ceiling.

When the dust had cleared, there was now a clear tunnel leading upwards. A faint glimmer of light was at the end.

"Ah… I suppose that works."

* * *

Meanwhile, far, far away from the cave, another group was busy searching the plains to complete their list. It was a very strange sight indeed, with a dog and duck leading the team, followed by a boxer, a blue robot, a princess and two tacticians. One of the two tacticians spoke up. "I really think it would be best if _I_ led the team," he whispered to Little Mac.

"Aw, come on, Robin, just give 'em a chance. I mean, just look at the dog. Finest breed of…whatever he is, you've seen, am I right?" He gestured to the dog, who dutifully sniffed at the ground while it walked. "And what about that duck? He can fly, right?" The duck stood on the dog's back, diligently surveying the area.

"Yes, Little Mac," the female Robin said. "The dog is bred for hunting, and the bird has wings to fly. _But that doesn't mean they're capable._ " Little Mac gave her a disapproving look, which was a difficult task, considering his height. "Really? A dog and duck that kick exploding cans and summon cowboys out of nowhere _aren't capable?_ "

"Yes, they're capable _in combat,_ " stressed the white-haired woman. "But in terms of _strategically_ looking for items, like _things that aren't ducks,_ " she added, stopping Little Mac's protest, "what do they do? They jump around, flinging cans and those strange exploding disks with reckless abandon!"

"Actually," mumbled Mega Man, "I think those are called clay pigeons." He cringed under their combined death glares. Robin went on with her lecture. "I'm not saying they're going to drag us down… but they're certainly not going to help, either." The dog paid her no mind, but the duck looked quite offended.

Fearing further conflict, Zelda stepped in to change the subject. "In the meantime," she said, putting an arm in front of Little Mac to keep him from throwing a punch, "why don't we find one of the items, yes? Like a…. a…" She quickly scanned the list. "A box of Yoshi Cookies! Yes, let's find those."

The group kept walking, with the male Robin standing in between his female counterpart and the short boxer. Finally, the Duck Hunt dog stopped in its tracks and stared straight ahead, sniffing the air.

"What is it, boy?" asked Mega Man. "Do you sense something?" The dog made no reply. At last, it stepped forward and pointed its snout ahead.

"Aha!" declared Little Mac, superiority dripping out of his voice. "Told you he'd be useful." He bent down to meet the dog's eye level. "Can you find it for us, boy?" The dog bent down and tiptoed forward, continuing to sniff the ground. The rest of the group followed, with Little Mac even crawling on all fours. In the meantime, the female Robin scowled and ground her teeth.

If the team hadn't been a strange sight before, they certainly were now. The dog continued to lead them, with a non-canine boxer crawling along next to him. This went on for a couple of minutes, until the dog stopped and sat still. Little Mac did not notice, and continued crawling. The boxer noted an ant scuttling along, pulling a leaf. He failed to notice someone else crawling towards him, until he looked up and came face to face with a large, light-green ball.

" _Gah!_ "

Little Mac stumbled and fell on his face. It registered that the light-green ball was in fact Yoshi's nose. Yoshi helped Little Mac up. "Why were you crawling on the ground?" he asked.

The boxer dusted himself off. "I was following the scent that the dog was tracking!" he declared proudly, gloved hands on his hips. Yoshi stared at him with a deadpan expression as Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach jogged up to him from behind. He glanced at the rest of Mac's team behind him. Both Robins had their faces identically buried in the hands, while the dog covered its mouth with its paw to hold back a laugh.

"You were following a scent?" the dinosaur repeated. "Because I just picked up on something delicious. Yes, a batch of warm Yoshi Cookies!"

" _Yoshi Cookies?!_ " asked both Robins, Zelda, Mega Man, Little Mac in unison. Yoshi nodded vigorously, and daintily sniffed the air. "Oh, I can smell the jam! The chocolate! The cinnamon, imported from the Chai Kingdom! _Heavenly!_ " He sighed blissfully. "As a matter of fact… they're right there! In that tree!"

Everyone turned to look where Yoshi was pointing. Sure enough, there it was, a box of Yoshi Cookies, balanced on a branch of a thick maple tree roughly 50 yards away.

"Well, that-a was easy!" chirped Mario. He started to walk towards the tree, but Luigi stopped him. The green-clad plumber took out his copy of the list. "The list says we have to bring back _a box_ of-a Yoshi Cookies. There's only one box…"

Both teams shared quick glances amongst each other. Then, without warning, Little Mac took off towards the tree.

" _Hey!_ " cried Mario. He hopped on Yoshi, who sped off after the boxer, leaving the other Smashers to chase after them. Little Mac proved to be quicker than anticipated, as he was out of the reach of Yoshi's tongue. Mac came closer and closer to the tree. He was close enough to reach the tree with a well-placed Jolt Haymaker when a fierce roar filled the air. Everyone immediately stopped their running to look around for the source.

 _BOOM!_

The ground shook as a large fireball burst out from the blanket of clouds and blasted Little Mac away from the tree. Yoshi looked up at the sky as he realized there was only one Smasher that could have made that fireball…

Charizard, with, to everyone's shock, Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong on his back, came swooping down out of the sky. He aimed another fire blast at the Mario Bros., causing Luigi's hat and back to light on fire. He promptly dropped into a "stop, drop, and roll" position to put out the fire.

Zelda, on the other hand, was not about to let this attack go unchallenged. She aimed a smaller fireball upwards and into Charizard's face. Meanwhile, the Robins charged up their own Thunder tomes, while Mega Man fired Metal Blades at the flame Pokémon.

Charizard had expected better from the princess of Hyrule. He swiftly dodged the fire before it exploded. However, one of the Metal Blades scraped at his wings, and he dropped a couple of feet. The Kongs sensed the drop, and jumped into the nearest tree. Upon climbing down, Donkey Kong was met by Little Mac's fists. The gorilla opted to directly engage with Little Mac, while Diddy Kong made a mad dash for the Yoshi Cookies. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Peach and the Duck Hunt dog chasing after him. Peach knelt down and pulled a large turnip with a face out of the ground. To the monkey's horror, he could clearly see its face: a tired-looking face with a stitched-looking mouth. He was so close. All he had to do was climb up this tree and—

 _THUMP!_

Diddy Kong felt the surprisingly hard turnip hit the back of his head. His vision danced with grapes, melons, oranges, and coconut shells, and he fell on his face. Right before he hit the ground, he felt someone pick him up. Whoever was handling him was having a rough time of it, as he felt three people pounce on him at once. From the grunt of pain, Diddy could tell that his rescuer was Lucario. Diddy made an attempt to break free, but was promptly thumped on the head by what felt like a boxing glove. Before he slipped into unconsciousness, he could barely make out words shouted by Little Mac:

"Cookies… gone...stolen!"

* * *

Some distance away from the three-team squabble, a group of unsavory-looking Smashers were running as fast as they could away from the battle. One of them, a small turtle-like creature piloting what could best be described as a teacup with a clown face and propeller, was clutching a box of sugar cookies of all shapes and sizes. "Do ya think we lost 'em?" asked Wario.

Mewtwo turned around to look. Mario was busy trying to pull a charred Luigi out of the ground, while Charizard tried to shake both Robins off his tail. In the meantime, Mega Man tried to climb the tree, only to be dragged back down by Donkey Kong. "They haven't noticed us."

The group paused to catch their collective breath. Wario chuckled to himself. "Easy pickings." He pulled the DK Coin out of his pocket to stare at it hungrily. "Don't get too excited, there," said Bowser. "I don't think those things carry any monetary— _Junior!_ " Bowser quickly turned to Bowser Jr., who had literally been caught with his hand in the cookie box. He quickly snatched the box out of the younger Koopa's grasp. "Remember," he said, in a gentler and fatherly tone, "we have to save these for the Wii Fit Trainers. Besides, you'll spoil your dinner."

The group walked onwards as the trees began to thin out. Eventually, they came across a large desert with deep canyons and rock formations. A short distance away, two tall women, a pair of angels, and a fox all sat on a large checkered blanket, chatting amongst themselves.

Ganondorf made a move to intrude on the group's little picnic, but Mewtwo stopped him. "Wait," he said telepathically. "Let's wait until they lead us to another item…"

At the picnic, Fox eyed a Star Bit suspiciously. "Are you sure this is safe to eat?" he asked, rolling the green, shimmering object between his fingers.

"Don't worry," replied Rosalina, who was busy tending to a blue Luma. "Just try one. They taste like honey." Fox continued to stare at the Star Bit. Figuring that the worst it could do was give him indigestion, he popped it into his mouth. Immediately, the taste of honey began to spread across the vulpine's mouth. He recoiled a little, for he hadn't expected it to be so crunchy, and yet so sweet. A green Luma tugged at Fox's sleeve. It seemed to be asking if he liked the Star Bit.

Fox looked around. Palutena, the Goddess of Light, was scarfing down the Star Bits as though they were popcorn. Pit threw the Star Bits up in the air, though he stopped when he nearly choked on one. Dark Pit, in an attempt to distance himself from his light-colored counterpart, refused to take a bite.

Palutena stood up. "Now that we've had our fill, I think we should continue searching." She took out the list. "We could start by looking for a… Seasons Heart. Whatever that is. I suggest we goooo…" She turned to a seemingly random direction. "…That way." Nobody really bothered to object, though Dark Pit did grumble a bit.

The heat that had borne down on them from earlier in the day had only intensified as the team continued their trek, and being in the desert only made things worse. Fox took a canteen from his belt and began to drink.

After some time, Pit sank to his knees. "Guuuuys…" he moaned. "Are we there yet?" Dark Pit replied, "Hmmm. Well, Pit, considering the fact that we're still walking and we haven't found the Seasons Heart yet, I'd say that _no_ , we are _not_ there yet."

"Oh," came Pit's voice. He was silent for a little while, lagging behind the others. "Are we there now?" he asked again.

"No, Pit," said Dark Pit.

"…How about now?"

"No, Pit."

"Now?"

" _No, Pit._ "

"…"

"…"

There was an unnerving silence as the dusty wind picked up. "..Pit?"

"…"

"Pit?"

"…"

Rosalina turned around. "Pit, are you still there?"

"… _Oh!_ Are we there now?"

Fox slapped his forehead in exasperation. _Well, at least he's still alive_ , he thought to himself. Pit scanned the landscape as the team continued to walk. The most interesting thing to see was the canyons off in the distance. Other than that, it was just sand, rocks, and rock formations. If they could find something, _anything_ , that could lead them to an item… Like a cracked wall, or a bit of off-colored sand—hey, look, here's some right now!

"Guys!" he called out. "I think I found something!"

The rest of his team jogged over to where Pit was. "Oh! You found the Seasons Heart?" asked Rosalina.

"Even better!" he proclaimed proudly. "Check this out!" Palutena, Dark Pit, Rosalina, and Fox, huddled over where Pit was pointing. "Behold!" Pit declared, presenting the sand.

Everyone stared at it for a second. "…What am I looking at, exactly?" asked Palutena.

"It's _sand_ ," replied the angel as if he'd discovered a new species of bird. There was a long silence. "…Yes, Pit, that is sand," said Rosalina with just a hint of exasperation in her voice. "What of it?"

"A-ha!" cried Pit. His tone of voice reminded the others of Master Hand at his most bombastic. "This is no ordinary sand! _This_ sand is slightly off-color than the other squares of sand."

Fox chose to ignore Pit referring to "squares of sand". The team bent down for a closer look. Indeed, the sand Pit pointed out was an earthy yellow, which only slightly stood out compared to the surrounding camel shade. Dark Pit's eye twitched. "… _And?_ "

"This means that there has to be something buried under here!" Pit affirmed. He handed off his bow his dark counterpart and began to dig with his bare hands.

Fox offered his canteen. "…Pit, I think you might be getting heat stroke. Do you need a drink?" Pit took it, and poured the remaining water over his head. "Thanks, man!" he said, handing the canteen back to the vulpine.

Fox whispered to Palutena, "I think Pit might be dying." Palutena shook her head. "No, no. This is normal."

Pit was now sticking his head into the sand. "Just a little bit more… come on, Pittoo, help me dig!"

Dark Pit looked as if he would rather stomp Pit into the ground than dig. He was about to voice his opinion when a high-pitched voice came seemingly from nowhere. He turned around to find the source, and was greeted by a ball of pink flying towards his face.

Dark Pit recoiled as he realized that it was Kirby that was clinging to him. Kirby recoiled as he realized that it was Dark Pit that he was clinging to, and quickly dropped down.

Meta Knight, who had taken it upon himself to join Kirby's team so he wouldn't get hurt, caught up with the pink puffball, followed by Jigglypuff and Lucina. "You'll have to forgive my companion. You see, he has recently eaten and—what is Pit doing?"

Pit was now buried up to his shoulders in sand. "He's digging for… something? I don't really know," said Fox. Jigglypuff stared at the angel. "Should we… help him?" Palutena quickly answered, "Nononono, that's fine. Who knows? Maybe he's onto something," she added with a playful smirk.

Lucina, who had failed to pick up on the joke, walked over to Pit. "Pit! Have you found anything yet?" The angel popped his head out from the hole, dust cascading from his hair. "Nothing yet. We're looking for a Seasons Heart. Have you found one?"

At this, Kirby rolled over to Pit's hole. "A Seasons Heart? I found one of those!" Even the normally composed Rosalina looked shocked. "Waitwaitwait, you, _of all people_ , found a Seasons Heart?!" asked Palutena.

"Yeah!" replied Kirby enthusiastically. "I remember it like it was yesterday…" He sat down as he recalled the event. "I found the Seasons Heart on one of my adventures. That was weird, 'cause it was like that other adventure, only there were four hearts…"

Palutena sighed as she massaged her temples. As usual, Kirby's information proved useless. "Okay, yeah, but _where_ did you find one?"

Kirby thought for a bit. "I found the Seasons Heart… in a hole! Just like that one over there." He pointed to where Pit was digging, now up to his waist.

The rest of Pit's team stared. They looked to Meta Knight for confirmation. He only shrugged and said, "It is a long story." The angel's voice could be heard saying, "You see that? Told you I was onto something!" He continued digging, his legs now all his team could see of him.

"Pit, get out of there," said Palutena, pulling him out of the hole. "How do we know that _this_ hole, of all holes, will lead us to the Seasons Heart?"

Jigglypuff pulled a small scrap of paper out of…somewhere. "Well, maybe we should find another one of the items, like… a Premier Ball, or a Shine Sprite." She turned to go, and was promptly greeted by an arm bursting out of the ground. " _Gwah!_ " she screamed as she fell over backward.

Palutena, thinking quickly, used her power of Explosive Flame on the mysterious arm. She thought she heard it scream as it shrank back into the sand. She was about to move forward when the unexpected happened: Captain Falcon's face appeared where the hand once was. This time, it was Lucina who took action. She simply stomped on the F-Zero racer's nose.

" _Lucina!_ " cried Pit, who rushed over to the wincing captain's face. "Why would you _do_ that?!"

Lucina was currently being held back by Meta Knight and Rosalina, sword pointed at Captain Falcon. "That man ruined and humiliated my father in combat!" Under his breath, Fox muttered, "You really need to get over that..."

Pit attempted to use his toga to tend to Captain Falcon's wounds. Suddenly, another arm burst out of the ground, this one brandishing a sword. "Yikes!" cried Pit as he leapt backwards. Then a leg burst out three inches away from Pit, nearly kicking him in the shins. "It's a monster ambush!" he declared, readying his bow.

The disembodied limbs flailed and thrashed around in the sand. As they continued to writhe around, they revealed that they were not, in fact, disembodied, but were still attached to someone. In this case, the limbs belonged to Marth, Link, and Ike. They pulled themselves out of the ground, coughing and sputtering out sand.

Both Pit's and Kirby's teams stared blankly at the sight. Once Marth was completely above ground, he quickly brushed the sand out of his once-pristine hair. "Oh, thank Naga!" exclaimed the prince. "Finally free from that rotten little hole, with no company but _those three,_ " he added, jutting a thumb at Captain Falcon and Link, who were trying to pull Ike's head out of the sand.

"Hey!" cried Captain Falcon indignantly. "Excuuuse me for trying to liven things up while looking for items!" Link rolled his eyes. "No offense, Cap, but your story about beating the creators of your world in a race loses some of its punch after the fiftieth time." There was a loud _pop_ , and out came Ike, coughing out sand and taking large breaths of air.

Jigglypuff tentatively asked, "So… why were you guys even underground?" As soon as the question left her mouth, she regretted asking, for all four Smashers immediately broke into angry squabbling.

"It's all Marth's fault—"

"Oh, _sure_ , blame me for trying to keep us out of danger—"

"Come on, everyone knows the best treasures are underground—"

"We nearly _died_ , Link—"

"Do I get a say in this?"

"No one asked you, Falcon—"

A loud, shrill whistle from Rosalina broke up the arguing. She stepped in to mediate. "Guys, I know you're all upset with each other, but let's try to calm down a bit. Everyone take a deep breath…"

With many scowls and rolled eyes, Link's team collectively inhaled, failing to notice the ground under their feet sink in a little. The minute they exhaled, there was a moment of almost eerie quiet. This unnatural silence was broken by a large crack appearing exactly in the spot where Pit had been digging.

"…Is that crack in the ground supposed to be there?"

Both teams barely had time to react before the ground gave way under them, sending them all tumbling down into the abyss. As they fell, Dark Pit could barely be heard yelling, "Pit, this is all your fault!"

"Did you _see_ that?!" exclaimed Bowser, who stomped over to the crater. He peered inside to get a closer look, the rest of his team following him. "Well, you know how heroes are, always finding things and making progress even when they get off track. Let's go after 'em." He and the rest of his team hopped into the depths, themselves uncertain of what was to be found.


	5. Chapter 5: The Scavenger Hunt - Part 3

Down, down, down fell the Smashers. Link clung on to Ike's cape, who in turn clung to Marth's cape, who was nearly choked by the weight of two grown men. Kirby threw his stubby little arms in the air and screamed "Whee!" Meta Knight was smart enough to think to use his wings, and plucked Kirby and Jigglypuff out of the way. As Pit tried to avoid Dark Pit throttling him, he cried, "Lady Palutena, give me flight!"

"…"

"Lady Palutena, give me flight!" Dark Pit had a grasp on his throat.

"…"

"I'm in trouble here, Lady Palutena!" ("This is all your fault!" yelled Dark Pit as he took a swing at Pit.)

"…"

"…Lady Palutena?"

All Pit could hear was the air whooshing around his ears and Dark Pit's string of profanities. At last, his wings perked up and began to glow blue. " _Yes!_ " he exclaimed. "The Power of Fli—"

 _WHUD._

Pit smashed into the ground, unintentionally using Dark Pit as a cushion. Then Palutena came crashing down on Pit, followed by Lucina falling onto Palutena, and down came Link's team to top it all off. Off to the side, Kirby, Meta Knight, Jigglypuff, and Rosalina landed safely with no injuries.

Everyone got off each other while Pit tried to peel Dark Pit off the ground. Marth looked around and groaned as he recognized his surroundings. "This is _exactly_ where we were trapped before. In fact, I think we might be even deeper than we were before…" He rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "This is all your fault, Pit."

Pit could sense the hostility surrounding him. Ever the optimist, he tried to find the good in the situation. "Well… I mean… This is probably a sign! Yeah, a sign that what we're looking for is in this pit! _Ha!_ Get it? 'Cause my name is—" He wilted at the sight of at least eight death glares pointed at him, the kind known to dry out rivers and send wildlife running for the hills. "Okay, never mind."

Kirby tried to brighten the mood. "Okay, guys," he began, trying not to make eye contact, "let's just take this one step at a time. The exit is obviously too high to reach, so escape is a no-go. We can start by going… uhhhh… this way!" he said, pointing in a random direction. "Yes, let's go here." He took Jigglypuff by the hand and scurried away, eager to get away from the incoming argument.

Captain Falcon's group looked ready to pound Pit into paste. Even the Luma that hovered by Rosalina's head seemed irritated. Meta Knight simply sighed. "It's not like we have a choice. For now, we'll have to listen to Kirby." As the three groups followed Kirby and Jigglypuff, Captain Falcon whispered to Marth, "Say, has Meta Knight always sounded Spanish?"

"Did you say something?" There was a hint of suspicion in the masked knight's voice.

"Oh, nononono, nothing at all, Meta Knight," replied Marth quickly. He shot a glare at the F-Zero racer. "Can you _not?_ " he hissed. "The last thing we need is to get on _Meta Knight's_ bad side…"

The Smashers followed Kirby and Jigglypuff through the cave. Jigglypuff whispered to Kirby, "Are you _sure_ you know where you're going?" "Yep!" replied Kirby. "We've gotta go this way! I can _feeeel_ it." Jigglypuff stared at him blankly. From the tone of his voice, she couldn't tell if he was actually confident in where he was going or if he was just that clueless.

At last, the groups came across a large wooden door. It was promptly opened by Captain Falcon (" _Falcon Open!_ "), and a magnificent sight spread out before them.

Behind the door lay a marvelous, expansive cave split into four areas: a jungle, a cavern filled to the brim with crystals, a looming tower that, somehow, fit underground, and a mysterious room with stained-glass windows. Everyone stopped to marvel at the scene.

" _Wow…_ " breathed Kirby as he stepped forward into the cave. "It's just like I remember…" He plopped down on the ground to smell the grass. "Isn't this just that giant stage?" asked Pit.

"Hmmmm… No, this is definitely the real deal." replied Kirby. "The grass found on the stage doesn't smell nearly as good as this!"

The other Smashers stepped into the cave for a closer look. _Kirby was right_ , they thought. Something about this cave felt a little more natural than the stage they had fought on. As Kirby rolled around in the grass, he thought to himself, "Wait a minute… if this is the real thing… _I know!_ " He suddenly got up. "I know! Guys, I know where the Seasons Heart is!" Everyone present snapped to attention. They stared at the puffball with disbelieving looks on their faces. "Kirby," asked Lucina slowly, "are you _quite_ sure that you know where it is?"

Kirby nodded excitedly. "Yup! This is the exact layout I remember! We gotta go through this jungle area. Everyone follow me!" he declared as he marched into the jungle, with Jigglypuff closely following behind. The rest of the Smashers stared after him, unwilling to follow Kirby into unfamiliar territory. Marth sighed. "I really don't think it's the best idea to follow him…"

Palutena shrugged. "Well, it's not like we have any other choice. We're going to have to follow Kirby's leadership." She nearly gagged at the idea of Kirby in a leadership position. Skyworld only knows what would happen if Kirby tried to lead a country. With no other arguments to be made, the Smashers followed Kirby deeper into the expansive cave.

…

"Oh, _great_. _Kirby's_ leading 'em."

The Koopa king snorted as he stomped into the area where the other Smashers once were. "You sure we should follow 'em?"

"It's our only choice," replied Mewtwo. "Besides, believe it or not, Kirby's never been wrong about this before…"

The Smashers trekked deeper into the jungle, cutting through thick vines and giant palms. Kirby spotted a treasure chest on a platform hanging from a rope. He floated up to it and cut the rope with his Final Cutter. The fall was a bit too much for the chest, and the lid cracked open, spilling the Seasons Hearts across the ground, along with several scraps of paper. Kirby didn't even bother reading them as he rushed towards the treasure.

" _Yippee!_ We did it!" Kirby picked up a heart and began to perform one of his famous victory dances. As he finished with a pose, he handed it off to Meta Knight. "Hold this."

…

"Hold this, Meta Knight."

…

"…Meta Knight?"

Kirby turned around to see… nothing. None of the other Smashers were there. It took exactly one half-second of Kirby thinking before he heard where they were.

" _You were spying on us!_ "

"We were not spying. We just happened to be looking in your general direction from a distance."

"That's just a fancy term for spying!"

"Can we just go?"

" _No one asked you!_ "

Kirby jogged over to the source of the voices. He had a pretty good idea of who it was, but he was still surprised when he rounded the corner.

Link's and Pit's teams were in a heated argument with Bowser's team over alleged spying. Ganondorf was sneering down at Link, who had unsheathed his sword and tightened his grip on it. In the corner, a Luma seemed eager to pick a fight, while Rosalina held it back. The quarrel continued:

"For once, I cannot be bothered with you, boy. Now _stand aside._ " There was a long, tense silence as the two mortal enemies stared each other down. Kirby took this opportunity to make his presence known. "I found it."

All the Smashers paused to look at the puffball. He held the Seasons Heart above his head, a brilliant shimmering heart colored pink, green, orange, and white. Ganondorf stomped past Kirby and plucked a Seasons Heart off the ground. He turned on his heel with a swish of his cape and left the area, his teammates following suit. The rest of the Smashers stared after them in silence.

* * *

Above ground, Pac-Man, Lucas, a completely flat man, and a frog ninja trekked through the jungle. They were making good progress, having found a DK Coin (thanks to a conveniently open tree trunk), and a Shine Sprite ("They were just lying there unguarded!"). The team had decided to collect a Premier Ball next. Luckily for them, Greninja seemed to know what a Premier Ball was.

"In my home region, Premier Balls are usually given out for special occasions," he told his teammates. Mr. Game & Watch nodded, and took notes on Greninja's words on a notepad as flat as he was. "Describe what these Premier Balls look like."

Greninja thought for a moment, then said, "Well, they look identical to Poké Balls, but they're completely white with a red band around the middle." He brushed aside a large palm branch. "Are you getting all this?" he asked Mr. Game & Watch. The frog Pokémon looked over at the flat man's notepad. Instead of helpful notes, or even a diagram, all he saw was a completely black notepad. "Is there…supposed to be writing on this?"

"What are you talking about? Of course there's writing here!" replied Mr. Game & Watch. He held up the notepad for Lucas and Pac-Man to see. "You can clearly see the detailed diagram of a Premier Ball on the right!" Lucas and Pac-Man both peered at the clipboard. The notepad was jet-black, flat, and completely blank, just like Mr. Game & Watch's face. "This... is completely blank," said Lucas, stating what was on everyone's minds. Everyone's minds but Mr. Game & Watch's, apparently. He angrily jumped up and down on the spot. Considering his frame-by-frame movement, the scene would have been comedic if he wasn't so angry.

"Are you kidding me?! You can clearly see the writing is in a very clear shade of onyx! Meanwhile, the notepad's paper is a lovely shade of raisin black! That's the problem with you newfangled three-dimensional types! You have no appreciation for your roots! I…!" The flat man's voice was lost, as he now lapsed into a series of angry beeps and boops. It was almost impossible to understand, but the others could get the gist of his beeping pretty well.

After Mr. Game & Watch had calmed down, the quartet continued on their journey. It was 2:30 PM, and the heat of the day was only made worse by the jungle humidity. Luckily, Greninja was around to keep everyone hydrated. Lucas was offered a cup of water, which he eagerly gulped down. As soon as the last of the water disappeared down his throat, he felt thirsty again. He felt dizzy. If only there was something else…

Something round caught the psychic's eye. Was that… an orange? Just lying there…? It had probably been there for quite a while, considering its gray-whitish color, but hydration was hydration, he supposed. Lucas started walking towards the fruit, which looked shinier upon closer inspection. He thought he could hear his teammates saying something. Whatever they were saying, it probably wasn't that important. What _was_ important was getting some hydration. He picked up the orange. Peeling the skin could wait. Let's just eat it now… Not now, you guys, I'm eating…

 _Crunch._

…Crunch?

Lucas blinked. As far as he knew, oranges did not crunch. And based on the sudden pain in his mouth, they sure didn't chip people's teeth either.

…

 _I don't think this is an orange_ , Lucas thought to himself. Behind him, his teammates ran up to him. "Lucas," said Pac-Man, "what _are_ you thinking? Biting into the Premier Ball like that?"

The boy looked at the round object in his hands. A white ball with a red stripe around the middle… and a couple of bite marks on the top. Looking around, there were several other Premier Balls surrounding him. He sat up. "I, uh, found it."

Pac-Man held the Premier Ball and palmed it in his hands. "Maybe this has a Pokémon that'll take us to the next item!" He tossed it forwards. It whirled through the air, bounced across the ground, and rolled to a stop.

Right at the feet of Ganondorf.

Lucas froze right where he was. He crawled away as quickly as he could. "Um, please, Mr. Ganondorf, I was just trying to—"

"Silence, boy. For once, I choose _not_ to strike you down. Consider yourself lucky." The psychic boy swallowed hard. Ganondorf stooped down to pick up the ball. With a swish of his cape, he and his followers left, leaving Lucas and his team to catch their breath.

* * *

Some distance away from the jungle, Toon Link and Ness' groups trekked along the shore of a massive lake. Even though the breeze was refreshing, the heat still bore down on the Smashers. Ness was glancing over the item list as the others talked amongst themselves. Roy was busy chatting up Samus (to no avail) while Falco was discussing job security with Olimar.

"It's been, what, 10 years since our last gig? Believe me, I've been itching to get back in the pilot's seat!" said Falco. "I'm just saying, we lesser stars oughta stick together." Olimar simply nodded in agreement while studying his surroundings. "Excuse me, Ness, may I see that list for a moment?"

Ness handed over the list to Olimar. The spaceman peered at it as he followed Falco. For some reason, he seemed to be very interested in the lake. He took out the note they found in the underground grotto.

 _Another object you seek isn't quite out of the blue,_

 _To acquire this, is a Catch-22._

"Out of the blue…" The gears were turning in both of the Smashers' heads. The catch-22? They'd need to do action A to do action B, but they'd need to do action B to do action A… A catch-22… out of the blue… Blue like water… Ness and Olimar stared at the lake. Wait a minute…!

The realization hit them like a home run bat.

"We gotta swim."

Sonic stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "Whazzat?"

Ness excitedly pointed at the lake. "The Zora's Flippers! They're at the bottom of the lake! We need to swim into the lake to get the flippers, but we need the flippers to swim into the lake! _It all makes sense!_ " He jumped up and down in the telltale early stages of a happy dance.

Sonic, on the other hand, was decidedly unenthusiastic at the thought of swimming. "Just swell," he said weakly. "Right. So, anyone willing to volunteer to go down _there?_ Anyone?"

It was decided that Samus and Olimar would go down to retrieve the Zora's Flippers. As they dove down into the depths, Sonic called out, "Don't worry, guys! I'll be supporting you from all the way over here, on thisnice, _solid ground!_ " Roy rolled his eyes, muttering, "For all his confidence, he sure is a wet noodle when it comes to water." In response, Pikachu coughed, "You're one to talk about wet noodles."

Because of Olimar's stature, Samus had elected to carry him under her arm. This was met with only mild protest. Samus touched down on the lake bottom. The lake was surprisingly clean, as the duo could see the silt kicked up with Samus' every step. After a short time walking, Samus spotted a faint glow higher up. Assuming it to be the flippers, she extended her Grapple Beam to get closer.

As Samus and Olimar swung across the lake bed, they couldn't help but feel as if something was a little off about the environment. For instance, since when had the floor been such a vibrant shade of green? Were those yellow highlights? And _scales?_

The two Smashers stared for a brief moment as they landed on not-green ground in front of the treasure chest. Samus had barely even touched it before she heard a deep growl from the depths. Off to her side, she could make out two piercing yellow eyes, staring right at her.

"Oh boy…"

Meanwhile, above the water, the other Smashers stood by the shore, waiting anxiously for Samus and Olimar to return. Toon Link leaned over to Pikachu. "So, how long do you think they're gonna be down there?"

"Who knows?" shrugged Pikachu. "Shouldn't take much longer than five minutes." There was a long silence, then…

"Hey, Papa, is this that lake you were talking about?"

" _Oh, jeez._ "

Everyone turned to see the source of the voice, Bowser Jr., riding in his Junior Clown Car, with the other villains close behind him. "Right, right, right," he continued. "We gotta go down there to get the Zora's Flippers, 'cause that's what the clue says." He scowled at the other Smashers. "That means _you_ gotta move aside!"

Pikachu was none too pleased about being told what to do, especially not by Bowser Jr. "Oh, _really?_ Well, maybe I'm mighty comfy where I am. What are you gonna do about it, shortstack?"

The two teams stared each other down. A fight seemed imminent, both sides brandishing their weapons if they had any. Falco was about to fire when he suddenly remembered something. Fox had told him about an encounter with some giant monster in this lake… What was its name? …Rake-za?

As if to answer his question, there was a loud rumble from the lake. The two teams stopped their staring contest to look. A moment of quiet, then a ripple appeared on the water surface. In a large splash of water, an enormous, green serpentine Pokémon emerged from the lake and roared at the Smashers.

"That's… that's that thing Fox told me about!" exclaimed Falco. "What's it called? Ray-koo-zah?"

"Its name is _Rayquaza!_ " shouted Pikachu. "And really, is its name the biggest priority right now?" Samus burst out of the water and aimed her cannon at the Pokémon. Strangely, Olimar was nowhere to be found.

Rayquaza glowered at the Smashers below. It clutched a treasure chest in its mouth. And, to the Smashers' horror, in one of its claws was…

" _Olimar!_ "

The tiny spaceman was struggling in the dragon Pokémon's grasp. His weak punches did very little against Rayquaza's tough skin. Rayquaza ignored this and fired a ball of energy at the Smashers, taking the treasure chest with it.

Everyone dove for cover as the energy hit the ground. The chest bounced a couple of feet away and burst open, revealing the many pairs of Zora's Flippers inside.

Wario made a dive for the treasure and plucked a pair out of the pile. "Aha! Only one more to go! _So long, losers!_ " He pulled his motorcycle seemingly out of nowhere and drove away, the other villains following close behind.

"Oh, of all the—!" Toon Link grit his teeth. He had no time to dwell on it, for Rayquaza was rushing at him at breakneck speed. He had to roll away to avoid getting knocked into a tree.

The Smashers leapt into action. As Rayquaza continued its onslaught, Sonic dashed around to its side, hoping to get a clean shot of freeing Olimar. He curled up into a ball and dashed at Rayquaza's arm, but was effortlessly launched back a couple hundred feet with a swing of the Pokémon's tail.

Samus sprinted up to Rayquaza, firing missiles at its mouth. Behind her, Ness zigzagged back and forth, fingers sparking with psychic energy. The dragon Pokémon swiped and lashed at the missiles with its free claw. "Careful, there!" cried Olimar. "I'm still here, you know!"

While Rayquaza was distracted by the missiles, Ness saw his chance for attack. He leapt up and prepared to unleash a devastating PK Flash attack. Despite still being bombarded by missiles, Rayquaza swiftly dodged the green ball of light and struck Ness back down to the ground.

The impact was strong enough to leave a crater in the ground. Ness struggled to get back on his feet. He looked up just as Rayquaza was charging another ball of energy. The boy shut his eyes and put up a psychic field around himself, hoping to absorb the blast. Rayquaza fired.

…

…Nothing happened, expect for a pained howl.

Ness opened his eyes. To his surprise it was not Rayquaza that loomed over him, but Mewtwo. He couldn't help but stare. "Mewtwo," he whispered. "What are you—"

Mewtwo did not answer, but leapt up as Rayquaza prepared another attack. Rayquaza was ignoring the other Smashers in favor of a new target. It fired several balls of electricity at the psychic Pokémon, who dodged them with ease. Occasionally, Mewtwo would use Confusion to reflect the attacks, but they would never actually hit Rayquaza.

After some back and forth, Mewtwo suddenly stopped as his eyes glowed blue. He floated up to make eye contact with Rayquaza. The dragon Pokémon also froze mid-attack. There was a long silence. Rayquaza stared at Mewtwo warily, then dropped a shaken Olimar on the shore and quietly disappeared back under the surface.

All the Smashers stared as Mewtwo floated back to the ground. An awkward silence filled the air as the psychic Pokémon stared at the lake, lost in thought. At last Olimar spoke up. "I…" he began. Mewtwo turned to look at him, causing the spaceman to shrink back a bit. Without another word, he teleported away.

* * *

"Only one more item! Man, we're makin' good progress!"

Bowser merrily checked off the Zora's Flippers off his list. He grinned to himself as he thought of what the prize could be. The Mushroom Kingdom, perhaps? Or maybe he could finally mount that pesky Mario's mustache on his wall! Or, even better, he could finally— _finally_ —take Princess Peach's hand in marriage! The Koopa king had to resist the urge to squeal in delight.

A distinct sound to his left told him that Mewtwo had arrived. He hadn't even noticed that he'd left. "Hey, Mewtwo. Say, where _were_ you?" The Pokémon was floating in midair, deep in thought. "I was… taking care of business."

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "But Mewtwo, surely you didn't try to _help_ them?" Mewtwo simply stared off into space. "Perhaps I did. Perhaps I didn't." He suddenly turned around to face his team. "Look behind you."

Everyone turned around, and immediately regretted it. "Oh, _jeez._ " Running up behind them was Mario's, Donkey Kong's and Mega Man's teams, none of which looked very happy.

Little Mac marched straight up to Wario's face, gritting his teeth. "You took the Yoshi Cookies," he hissed.

Wario glared at the boxer. "Yeah, so what if we did? What're you gonna do about it, short stack?"

The words "short stack" echoed in Little Mac's mind. His eye twitched and his breathing grew ragged. "Who are you calling 'short stack', _tubby?_ " Behind him, Mac could feel Zelda scrambling to hold him back.

But Wario continued to look at Little Mac as though he were just a minor inconvenience. "Anyways, that's-a what happens when you're too slow. Don't worry; we'll return them to you… after we win and I collect my prize." He chuckled as he tried to move past Little Mac. To his surprise, he was met with Little Mac's fist flying into his nose.

The chaos that ensued was beyond description. Wario leapt on Little Mac and began to stomp on his face. Both sides tried to pull the Smashers apart, but a stray punch from Little Mac nailed Bowser Jr. right in his nose. Now it was Bowser's turn to stomp on Little Mac. Mega Man, ever the diplomat, tried to block Bowser from dealing any more damage, but he was swatted aside by the Koopa king's claws. The Mario Bros., Peach, and Yoshi decided to put a stop to this once and for all, and leapt into the fray. At this point, everyone was involved in the scuffle one way or another, with Luigi and Little Mac receiving the worst of it. The box of Yoshi Cookies lay off to the side, forgotten. Nobody seemed to really care about the scavenger hunt anymore.

Especially not the Duck Hunt dog, who stood off to the side and laughed at the mayhem that lay before him.

Not twenty yards away, Shulk, the Villagers, and R.O.B. all stood watching the fray. "Should we… do something about that?" asked Shulk. Most of them looked amongst themselves, then back at the fracas. They wanted to help, but at the same time, they were unwilling to get close.

As if reading everyone's collective thoughts, R.O.B.'s eyes light up. "After carefully assessing the situation," he stated, "I can conclude that to intervene would end in disaster for all parties involved. That is to say, we should just keeping moving." There was a general murmur of agreement as they all tried to move past.

Walking past the brawling Smashers was a very easy task, as they were all preoccupied with clobbering whoever was in front of them. However, as they were almost in the clear, Luigi had managed to escape the dust cloud kicked up by the fighting, and spied them as they crept past. He frantically waved to get their attention. "Hey! Excuse me! Yoo-hoo!"

All four Smashers flinched as Luigi crawled up to them. He was a very sorry sight; the stress of the hunt had done a number on him. His overalls and shirt were torn—no, make that _shredded_ —his normally well-kept mustache was frayed and ragged, and his face was burnt, bruised, and caked in sweat, dirt, and who-knows-what-else. Despite all this, he smiled weakly and tried to get up. "Can I ask-a you a question?"

R.O.B.'s team simply stared. Despite what they'd said earlier, they couldn't help but feel some pity for him. They just _had_ to help. "What do you need?" asked the girl Villager.

Luigi whipped out his list and scanned it. "We're-a looking for a… no, that's not it… we have that already… oh, mamma mia— _do you know what a classic table is?!_ "

"Oh, a classic table?" chirped the boy Villager. "We found one already!"

At once, all the fighting ceased. At least nine pairs of eyes turned in the team's direction. Bowser got up (a great relief for the male Robin, for the Koopa was sitting on him). "You tellin' me that you know where the classic table is?" he asked with a suspiciously raised eyebrow.

"Oh, sure!" replied the girl Villager, as though she didn't see everyone doubtfully glaring at her. "They're in this really big castle we found. I'll show you!"

Bowser and Ganondorf glanced at each other with identical evil smirks. "Well, what are ya waiting for? Lead the way!"

It was 5:30 PM, and the sun was setting over the mountains. Over the course of the entire day, Luigi had found himself caught checking himself out in front of a mirror, burnt to a crisp by Charizard, dragged nearly all over creation looking for other items, and gotten pummeled by pretty much half his fellow Smashers. And now, here he was, being led to yet another item by a little girl who was possibly being swindled by the two villains that he was stuck walking between.

 _Well,_ he consoled himself, _I've had weirder days._

At the front of the pack, Shulk asked the Villagers, "Are you sure we should be helping them? I mean, it's the _villains_ we're talking about, who knows what they could be trying to pull…"

The girl Villager waved away his doubts. "In my hometown, there's this motto saying that we're all obligated to help our fellows. That's the good neighborly way."

The Smashers all reached a large castle, which Bowser recognized as the castle he had stormed a long time ago. The Villagers pushed the door open with great effort. Ganondorf gave a wicked grin. _Those Villagers are so simple and naïve,_ he thought. As the light of the sunset flooded the throne room, he and the other Smashers stepped forward, expecting to see a multitude of tables spread out. But their expectations were quickly dashed to pieces as they realized exactly what they were looking at.

Inside the castle, littering the throne room, were… leaves.

The Smashers stared blankly at the scene. They were too stunned to speak. Then Mega Man spoke up. "These are leaves."

The boy Villager nodded. "Yup." There was a painfully long silence. Ganondorf stepped into the room and picked up a leaf. He turned it over between his two fingers. His eye twitched. In a frighteningly calm voice, he asked, "Just _what_ do you think you're trying to pull?"

The Villagers frowned. "Pull? I don't understand…" The Gerudo King suddenly crushed the leaf in his fist. " _Do you take me for a fool?!_ " he bellowed, making everyone in the room jump. The girl Villager quailed where she stood. "Um, I'd be more careful with that," she whispered. "That's a _really_ rare throne."

Ganondorf whirled around to face the other Smashers. His face was red going purple as he stomped towards them. "I don't care _how_ rare this _thing_ is." He threw the leaf down at his feet. "You whelps _will_ tell me where the classic table is, or I will—"

There was a loud _pop_ , a puff of smoke, and Ganondorf was sent flying into the air. A golden, ornate throne with a red cushion stood in his place.

It took the Smashers a couple of seconds to piece together the situation. After that, they darted around throwing the leaves everywhere. The room soon became cluttered with furniture.

"Hmmm," said Mario as he tossed down a leaf, which turned into a small blue side table. "Say, bro, does-a this look like a classic table to you?"

Luigi looked up from searching the contents of a dresser shaped like a pear. "I don't-a really know what a classic table looks like. What even defines classic, anyways?"

The Villagers found themselves swarmed with Smashers looking to them for confirmation on whether the tables they'd found were of the classic variety. "No, that's a ranch tea table…"

"That's a polka-dot table."

"This is a pine table."

"Ringside table."

"I already told you, this is a polka-dot table."

"…This is a clock."

This went on for fifteen minutes. The Smashers were acting much hastier now; they had to find the table quickly, the day was almost over…

" _Found one!_ "

The voice belonged to Bowser Jr. Everyone froze as his team dropped whatever they were doing and sped out of the castle. After they'd left, the male Robin stood up and addressed the crowd. "Okay, I know they're about to win, but—"

His words were cut off by Little Mac shouting, " _They're getting away!_ " The Smashers were thrown into a frenzy. Robin was unable to finish his sentence, as he was trampled under their feet.

Once Bowser's team felt they were far enough, they relaxed and slowed their pace. "All right. Do we have everything? Wario, you were carrying everything, you check. Do we have a Shine Sprite?"

Wario rummaged through his pockets. "Check," he said, holding up the golden relic.

"DK Coin?"

"Check."

"Zora's Flippers?"

"Check."

"Yoshi Cookies?"

…

"Yoshi Cookies?" There was a hint of panic in his voice.

…

"Yoshi Cookies?!"

"…Um."

Bowser turned around. "Where are they?" he growled. The feeling of panic had reached Wario, who was now frantically searching his biker's jacket, muttering, "I had them, they were _right here…_ "

Ganondorf grabbed Wario by the throat and began to throttle him. "Don't tell me you _lost the one box of cookies?!_ " Wario was at a loss for words. "I—I—I swear they were just here a minute ago!"

"Ahem."

Ganondorf stopped strangling Wario long enough to listen. "Mewtwo, how did you clear your throat _telepathically?_ "

Mewtwo said nothing, but pointed off to his side. There was Mario, riding on Yoshi, with Luigi and Peach bringing up the rear. And in Mario's hand was the unmistakable packaging of cookies.

If Bowser was angry previously, then he was positively livid now. " _Oh, no, you don't!_ " he roared, flames rising from his mouth. " _I'm not gonna lose to you again, Mario!_ " The Koopa king stomped after him, his son hurrying after him.

Yoshi was known for being quick on his feet, regardless of any Italian plumbers riding on his back. Thus, he was easily able to outrun Bowser and his team. He smiled to himself as he imagined his team winning. He could already taste the prize that awaited him back at the grounds.

Something whizzed by Yoshi's head. He didn't even have to turn around to know that the other Smashers were chasing him. A dull thud and a sudden jostle behind him caught his attention. He stumbled and tripped. The cookies went flying and landed right in Little Mac's gloved hands.

"Haha!" the boxer exclaimed. "They're mine now!" He took no more than three steps before he was crushed by Donkey Kong landing on top of him. With surprising elegance, the gorilla plucked the Yoshi Cookies out of Mac's hands and passed them over to Lucario. Before he could react, he was crushed under the weight of at least ten other Smashers, all in a bid to get the Yoshi Cookies.

For the second time that day, the scene erupted into pandemonium. The Smashers stomped, shoved and trampled each other for the cookies. Every time someone made progress, someone else would shove them aside. It only got worse when the remaining teams all arrived seemingly from nowhere to join the fray. As the sun settled behind the mountains, a bell rang out that stopped everyone dead in their tracks.

It was 6:00.

* * *

The female Wii Fit Trainer stared worriedly at the fields from the lobby. She hadn't expected the Smashers to actually reach the deadline. Donkey Kong or Pit maybe, but _everyone?!_

She turned to her brother. "Did we mess up?"

The male Wii Fit Trainer was knelt on the ground, polishing a Wii Balance Board. "Hmm?"

"I mean, nobody's come back yet. _Nobody._ I think we made it too hard. Was it the Seasons Heart? It was definitely the Seasons Heart. I mean, who's gonna make the connection between heart and soul? Do you think something happened to them?"

"It'll be fine," came a voice from behind. It belonged to King Dedede, who looked tired, but content. "I tell ya, that Dr. Luigi's a miracle worker! I'm as strong as a Nruff! Anyways, do you really think a little scavenger hunt could trip up the Super Smash Brothers? They've handled worse than this. I should know."

The male Wii Fit Trainer stood up. "For once, Dedede is right. Master Hand did tell us that—" he paused as he prepared his best Master Hand imitation—" _these are the greatest warriors in the multiverse!_ They're not going to get maimed over a scavenger hunt. Oh, look, here they come now!"

The porcelain woman turned. Sure enough, there were the Smashers, running towards the grounds as fast as they could. She exhaled and silently thanked the higher-ups that they were all safe.

"And look!" added Dedede. "They don't seem to be the least bit tired!" The Smashers were running full throttle, and showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Dedede waved at them as they came closer.

"…I think they should be slowing down any time now."

Amidst the crowd, Dedede and the trainers could see Sonic rushing to the door. He quickly slammed the door behind him. The trainers walked over to meet him.

"Congratulations, Sonic! You're the first one here. Do you have the—"

Sonic held up a hand to stop her as he struggled to catch his breath. "You gotta get outta the way," he said in between gasps. "They're comin'…" He took a glance at the Smashers behind him and took off.

"Wait, _what?_ " asked the male Wii Fit Trainer. He looked up. Bowser and Donkey Kong had muscled their way to the front of the group.

That was all the warning they needed.

Both trainers and Dedede dove out of the way as the glass doors creaked, then burst under the pressure of some forty-odd Smashers. Glass shards flew everywhere, lodging themselves in plenty of bothersome places. Very few Smashers were spared.

Wario, who was spared, got up and lumbered towards the Wii Fit Trainer. "Prizes…"

The female Wii Fit Trainer got up and rubbed her head. "Wh-what?"

"Prizes, ya dolt! I want my money!" Bowser rose, picking glass shards out of his shell. "Yeah, you promised us prizes! My team won, so we get the prizes!"

"No, they don't!" cried Pac-Man. " _My_ team won, so _we_ get prizes! We've got the Yoshi Cookies right he— _huh?!_ "

Indeed, the cookies were nowhere to be found. Everyone started searching for them amongst the mess they'd made when they crashed in. Then…

 _Crunch crunch crunch._

Everyone stopped and looked around for the source of the sound. A horrible thought occurred to them. No… it couldn't be…

All the Smashers slowly turned towards the one person that hadn't been involved. There was King Dedede, scarfing down the last of the Yoshi Cookies. He paused to clean the inside of the box of crumbs. "Mmm-mmm-mmm! That's gotta be Chai Kingdom cinnamon! Delicious…" He patted his stomach, then noticed the death glares being sent his way. Their sheer amount and intensity made the king's mouth dry and his blood turn to ice. Already beginning to creep away from the imminent beatdown, he mumbled, "Did you… happen to need these?"

There was a furious roar as the Smashers descended on Dedede. He was only saved at the last moment by the Wii Fit Trainers blocking their way.

" _Move aside,_ " hissed Ganondorf as he tried to get past the trainers. "I don't care what you do to me, _I will make him pay_." There was a growl of agreement from his cohorts.

"Hey, now, it's not even my fault! I mean, there have to be some other boxes, right?"

"No, tubby!" began Bowser Jr. "The Wii Fit Trainers didn't… wait a minute." He turned to the trainers. "Say, wait. The fat penguin's right! How come there was only _one box?_ "

Fortunately for Dedede, the rage was no longer directed at him. Unfortunately for the Wii Fit Trainers, the rage was directed at _them_. The female Wii Fit Trainer stepped forward. "Soooo… what happened?"

The Smashers immediately erupted into all their tales about all of the trouble they'd run into during the hunt, including the villains' team's constant hounding and menacing of the others. Bowser's only defense was, "Well, when you say it like that, of course it's gonna sound evil."

The porcelain woman swallowed hard. Now was the time to come clean. She cleared her throat. "Okay, fine. I'll give it to you straight. We… didn't prepare well for this at all. It's just that we'd been preparing this scavenger hunt as the big debut for our training routine for so long. We were just so excited to make this huge, grand adventure to start it off right that we made things too complex. I mean, I honestly didn't know that an angry sky snake lived in the lake." The male Wii Fit Trainer chimed in, "And I'll admit that we thought you guys would finish faster than this. In hindsight, we probably should have gotten more than one box."

"Anyways," continued his sister, "we're really sorry for the trouble we caused. I…" She trailed off, unable to look the Smashers in the eye. There was a long silence.

To the general shock of everyone present, King Dedede (of all Smashers) stepped forward. "Well, I'm not really one for exercise, but _I_ think we should forgive her. I mean, it clearly wasn't the best day, and I can't speak for you guys, but you must've had a little fun, right?" The Smashers were taken aback by this development. To think, over the course of one day, Dedede— _Dedede—_ had gone from being a thorn in her side to coming to her defense against a horde of now-mildly annoyed Smashers. Ness looked out the window to check for flying pigs. "And besides," he went on, "it's only their first time. You gotta cut 'em some slack."

Then, Olimar cleared his throat. "For once, Dedede is right. I may have nearly lost my head at the hands of that sky beast, but I will concede that I felt a certain rush of adrenaline during the process of defusing the situation."

Even Ike walked over to where Dedede stood. "King Dedede does have a point. Who are we to judge the Wii Fit Trainers for poor planning? We've all made mistakes during our careers, some of them more severe than others." (Behind him, Wii Fit Trainer held back an excited squeal.)

The tense mood that had settled over the room loosened, and the Smashers' rage subsided. There were general murmurs of agreement that maybe, just this once, they would let the Wii Fit Trainers off the hook. Forgiving smiles spread around the room. Bowser and Ganondorf, on the other hand, were not touched in the slightest. "Oh, _please,_ " snorted the giant Koopa. "Just what I'd expect from a buncha goody-goodies."

"Oh, come now, Bowser," said Mewtwo teasingly. "Just admit that you had fun getting to play the big, bad villain again."

"Wha—?! How didya—oh, yeah, you can read minds or whatever. Well, at any rate, I got to spend time with my son," he replied, giving the younger Koopa a proud fatherly pat on the back. The Smashers slowly dispersed, worn out after a long day in the heat. Only the Wii Fit Trainers and King Dedede remained.

Satisfied that his job was done, the penguin turned to go. As he did so, the Wii Fit Trainers blocked his path. "Listen, y'all don't have to thank me," he began. "I was just doing what anyone else would've done in that situation. Believe me, I know what it feels like to be blamed like that."

The trainers couldn't think of a suitable reply. Perhaps, they thought, there was more to Dedede than a fat, lazy, greedy, unfit penguin. "Well," he said as he turned to go, "I'll be seeing you, I guess."

"Hold on a minute," called out the female trainer. Dedede winced as she marched up to him and looked him up and down in that scrutinizing manner that he hated. "From what I can tell, you're still ridiculously overweight. Not only that, but you still seem to be overworked from earlier." The penguin said nothing, unable to tell her intentions from her tone of voice.

"Therefore, I think it would be best if you got plenty of rest tomorrow." When Dedede didn't catch on, she added, "Specifically in the morning, directly after breakfast."

The look of joy on King Dedede's face was indescribable. "Y-you mean it?! _Wahoo!_ " He leapt into the air a not-too-surprising height, and began to vigorously shake the trainer's hand. "Aw, man, I… I…"

"You don't need to thank me," she said with a wink. "Just go back up to your dorm and get some rest." As Dedede waddled away, the trainers began their walk back up to the Wii Fit Studio.

* * *

It had been a long day for Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Now that the ballot was over and the votes had been sorted, the real work began of actually _counting_ the votes. Although they were beings of power beyond the comprehension of mere mortals, counting was hard work. Thus, they had agreed to pause the tallying to take a break, grab some lunch, and maybe take a trip to check up on the other universes they'd seen. Only now were they returning to the World of Trophies, the universe they could call home, with groceries in tow.

"I tell you, Crazy, watching universes go about their daily lives never does get old. Every time I peek into another world, I am reminded of why I choose to create and nourish this world…"

Crazy Hand nodded as much as a hand could nod. "I hear you, brother. I—" The hand stopped, nearly dropping his groceries. "Oh my."

"What?" asked the right hand. "Is there something wrong?"

"You're not going to like this…" Crazy Hand pointed a finger straight ahead.

Master Hand followed his line of sight, and beheld the scene. He dropped his groceries and floated there, quivering on the spot. Then…

" _Who broke this door?!_ "

As Master Hand floated there huffing, Crazy Hand moved closer and inspected the damage. "This is obviously the work of a Smasher. I bet—Hey, look! This piece of glass looks like Falco's head!"

Master Hand simply lay on the ground and sighed. "Does a disaster have to occur _every_ time I go out?"

"Probably not," said Crazy Hand cheekily.

"That was a rhetorical question. Now help me pick up the pieces."

" _Hahahahaha!_ Get it? Because we're literally—"

"I get it."

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: And it's over! About time, too...**_

 _ **Next time in Super Smash World, a less dangerous, more lighthearted affair.**_


	6. Chapter 6: Let's Come Out Smashing!

Fun fact about the Boxing Ring: did you know that, while difficult to hear over the music, like in any true arena, a play-by-play commentary will be delivered as the Smashers fight. While the commentators tend to be standby Mii Fighters or Assist Trophies, sometimes the Smashers themselves will be on the sidelines to spectate the match…

* * *

The crowd roared as the jumbotron that overlooked the ring came to life. The stage was illuminated as the screen displayed the words "Super Smash Bros." in capital letters. Smoke poured out from generators cleverly hidden under the floor. A laser light show dazzled the spectators from the farthest corners of the area. The general atmosphere sent a clear message: This is going to be big.

And far from the spectacle of the main arena, two Smashers sat, ready to spectate the match. The jumbotron suddenly switched to the inside of the commentator's box, so they could finally address the crowd.

"Good evening, everyone, and welcome! I'm your host, Roy Koopa, with my brother, Morton Koopa Jr. Tonight's match is a free-for-all, and—"

"Boy, oh, boy, we've gotta good one for you tonight. This one's a real grudge match, lemme tell ya. Two of the Smashers involved have clashed before outside of the tournament. It was a spectacle, a wonder, a true sensation! That match was definitely one for the history books! Think about it, in a couple years' time, people will be asking you, 'Where were _you_ the day that—"

Roy grabbed the microphone out of Morton's hands. " _Like I was sayin'_ , this match is gonna be a free-for-all. Items on low, two minutes—oh, look, the Smashers have arrived!"

Indeed, the audience's attention was now focused on the ring itself. Morton grabbed the microphone from Roy and began to introduce the fighters.

"Yessiree, bob, the Smashers are here! And they're ready to fight! So eager to exchange blows! So willing to wrangle! All set to scuffle! They certainly seem poised and primed to pummel each other to pieces! A veritable no-holds-barred, all-out, full-blown, total four-way smackdown! They—"

"Just skip to the introducin', already."

"Ah. Yes. Er, right." Morton straightened himself out as an unseen band began to play an introductory fanfare. He pointed to a corner of the ring.

" _Iiiin this corner, we've got the leader of the bunch—you know him well. He's finally back to kick some tail! (Coconut gun not included.) And despite his looks and demeanor, folks, he's certainly smarter than he looks. Probably. Weighing in at 800 pounds, he's the king of swing, the thrilla gorilla, the prime primate…_

 _ **Donkey Kong!**_ "

As the Koopaling finished his introduction, a barrel with the letters "DK" painted in red dropped in out of the sky. It burst almost immediately, revealing none other than the King of the Jungle himself. The crowd cheered as Donkey Kong basked in the limelight, flexing and beating his chest to the audience. Morton continued.

" _Aaaand in this corner, we've got the greatest pilot on Team Star Fox. Although he may seem rough around the edges, his passion for flying is second to none. (Just get one of those Arwing ships already, ya birdbrain!) It's the proud space ace…_

 _ **Falco!**_ "

An Arwing soared in from the distance, doing impressive flips and tricks. As it twisted upside-down, it dropped off its pilot onto the ring. He straightened up and folded his arms, looking none too pleased about the birdbrain comment.

" _And in this_ other _corner, we've got the legendary Hero of, uh…Time? Twilight? Ah, forget it, it's hard to tell with you Hylian boys, you all look the same. Anyways, it's the wielder of the Triforce of Courage (the one with the swollen-lookin' head), the wave-riding, wind-waking warrior…_

 _ **Toon Link!**_ "

To Falco's right, Toon Link appeared out of an explosion, unsheathing his sword. "My head isn't that swollen, is it?" he asked no one in particular. Donkey Kong was too busy eating a bunch of bananas to comment, while Falco simply shrugged.

" _Aaaand in this last corner, we have the bruiser from the Bronx. This guy makes for in heart what he lacks in height. (That's a lotta work!) The only numbers he knows are "one-two"! Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 107 pounds, the WVBA's pintsized powerhouse, emphasis on "pintsized"…_

 _ **Little Mac!**_ "

The crowd went into a frenzy as Little Mac jogged into the ring and dramatically took off his sweatshirt, flinging it into the audience. There was actually a minor scuffle as two fans dove for it at the same time. "Hey, hey!" exclaimed Roy. "Leave the fightin' to the Smashers, thank you very much!"

All four fighters had now arrived. Morton took the mic again. "It's the new meat up against three seasoned warriors! Oh, the excitement! The anticipation! You could cut the tension with a knife! Then you could put it between two slices of hostility bread and have a stacked conflict sandwich! And what a delicious sandwich that would be! Rich in proteins and vitamin D! Delicious!"

"…Right. The match is about to begin!" The fighters got up from their idling and stared each other down. From far away, Master Hand's voice began the countdown. "3… 2… 1… _Go!_ "

At the word "Go", Toon Link dashed towards Falco, boomerang in hand. Falco quickly rolled back and put his shield up. But Donkey Kong began slamming the ground with his Hand Slap, causing Falco's shield to shatter. And it was only the first five seconds.

"Ooooh, and an unfortunate shield break from Donkey Kong!" shouted Roy as he tried to prevent Morton from getting the mic back. "The fighters need to watch their shields when DK is around."

As Falco stood there stunned, Donkey Kong began to charge up his Giant Punch. The pilot snapped out of it and leapt away just in time. He whipped out his blaster and fired lasers down at the gorilla. Below him, Toon Link and Little Mac were engaged in their own scrap. The young hero was firing arrow after arrow at the boxer's feet, which he neatly avoided. Upon seeing Falco come down from the air, he caught the bird as he landed with a wicked body hook, knocking Falco flat on his face. The minute he got up, he was met with an onslaught of punches from the boxer. To make matters worse, Donkey Kong came up from behind and began swatting at Falco's legs, effectively trapping him between the fighters.

"Today clearly isn't Falco's day, folks," chuckled Morton as he successfully grabbed the mic back from Roy. "Poor sucker's getting pulverized by two of the strongest fighters here! Perhaps they'll want to tenderize the meat before they finish him off? Come to think of it, I could go for a something to eat right about now… Say, Roy, does Mona Pizza deliver?"

"Can it, Morton. There's a match to commentate! Anyways, we're fifteen seconds in, and nobody's KO'd anyone yet." The Koopaling rested his head in his palm, bored already. "Come on, come on, get on widdit!"

There was a puff of smoke in midair, and a large drill dropped into the ring. Toon Link picked it up and fired it at an unsuspecting Donkey Kong, who was still giving Falco a hard time. The ape was dragged to the edge of the ring along with Little Mac, but the ropes saved them from going off the stage.

Falco took the opportunity for a counterattack. He swung upwards at Little Mac, sending him into the air, where Falco gave chase. He assaulted the boxer with wing swipes and kicks, determined to keep him in the air for as long as possible.

"Falco may prefer the air, but Little Mac is the more 'down-to-earth' type. We mean that literally, folks. Little Mac's air game is so weak, so brittle, so frail, so _puny,_ so—"

"Just skip to the end." Roy impatiently tapped a claw on the counter.

"H-he's no air fighter. Which is exactly what Falco is counting on," Morton added as Falco continued to juggle Mac in the air. "But what's this?! Donkey Kong is taking advantage of the dogfight!"

Indeed, Donkey Kong had sent Toon Link flying high into the air, and was now bounding towards Falco and Mac. Before either of them could react, the gorilla knocked them down onto the canvas with a midair double axe handle punch. As they bounced back up, Donkey Kong clapped above his head, sending both Smashers careening into the distance. The crowd thundered their approval as the jumbotron flashed "KO" in big red letters.

"And DK delivers a double KO, putting him in the lead!" cried Morton. "Whaddya know, the big oaf does have his moments…"

Unbeknownst to Donkey Kong, who was busy beating his chest in celebration, Toon Link had climbed onto the light fixtures and started attacking the chains that held it up. Falco and Little Mac paid him no mind as they respawned, payback on their minds. As they ganged up on the ape, Toon Link slashed and hacked at the chains until they finally broke. The stadium went dark as the fixtures fell on the Smashers, launching Falco and Mac and sending DK flying into the distance. The crowd couldn't see much, but they cheered as though the lights hadn't fallen.

In the commentator's box, Roy was trying to wrest the microphone away from Morton as he continued to talk a mile a minute. "Toon Link uses the lighting itself to score! What a sneaky strategy! What a tricky tactic! What an underhanded, sly, crafty, cunning—"

Roy had yanked the mic out of Morton's claws. "Ah, put a sock in it. But, yeah, whaddya think o' that? It's sneaky, devious, and scheming… Good on him!"

Although Little Mac was used to many underhanded tactics when fighting in the WVBA, getting the light fixtures dropped on him was not one of them, and he was having none of it. He dropped back down to the ground and unleashed a flurry of jabs and hooks at the young hero. Before Falco could interfere with a laser, Little Mac threw a vicious cross into Toon Link's cheek, sending him flying out of the ring, but not into the blast zone.

"But of course," continued Roy, who was keeping Morton away with one arm, "Little Mac always has to be a goody-goody. What a sap… So now there's only one minute left, and Toon Link and Donkey Kong are tied. In the meantime… this match is brought to you in part by Roy Smooth Sounds! 'If it's not live, it's gotta be Roy's!'"

" _But,_ " put in Morton, finally snatching the mic away from Roy, "Little Mac's not letting Toon Link get away so quickly! He's givin' 'em the goods and building up power, with the ol' one-two, an overhead, uppercut, body blow, haymaker, left hook, right hook, spinning hook, backfist, frontfist—" Morton paused to take a breath, which was a perfect opportunity for Roy to seize the mic again. "Would you clam up already?! Mac's got the KO Punch ready."

With a final clout to KO Toon Link, a familiar bell rang out. Falco, who had been sneaking up on the boxer with a Home-Run Bat, retreated back into the ring and put his shield up. Mac chased after Falco and waited in the center. The other fighters tried to keep their distance, peppering Mac with projectiles if they could.

Falco put away his blaster. This wasn't working. Little Mac kept shielding everything they threw at him, and getting too close would be suicide. He glanced over at Donkey Kong, who was waiting for someone to make a move. Hmmm…

Without a word, he charged at Donkey Kong, preparing to throw a punch. The gorilla put up his shield, just as Falco suspected he would. He grabbed Donkey Kong by his tie.

"Wait a tic," said Roy, who was just about to thump Morton in the head for taking the mic. "Falco's gonna…"

The crowd gasped as Falco tossed DK towards Little Mac. Mac saw his opportunity as the ape flew towards him. He swung his fist, and…!

…He missed.

A collective groan spread throughout the arena—the audience, Roy, Little Mac himself, and other Smashers that were watching on television back at their dorms. Even Morton was rendered speechless. Falco and Toon Link looked disappointed. Donkey Kong, on the other hand, looked relieved, and took the chance to gleefully shove the boxer into the canvas.

Once Morton got his bearings, he grabbed for the mic. A stunned Roy didn't even try to stop him. " _The disappointment!_ " he cried. "The _frustration!_ The complete, utter, devastating sense of shame and failure! Even I might shed a tear…"

Undaunted by his blunder, Little Mac leapt back into the fray with a nasty-looking Jolt Haymaker. On the jumbotron, the timer flashed dangerously. Thirty seconds to make the difference over Donkey Kong.

"We're in the home stretch now! It's the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, the final countdown, the grand finale—"

"Morton."

"The finishing fracas, the rumble to wrap it up—"

" _Morton…_ "

"The closing, concluding, consummating conflict—"

Roy had reached his limit. "D'aaaaaaaww, _shaddap_!" He leapt up from his chair and tried to throttle Morton.

"Wait!" cried Morton between breaths. "I was just getting to the finish, the _biiiig finish!_ " The mic lay off to the side as a separate brawl broke out in the commentator's box.

There were now fifteen seconds remaining on the clock. The fighters were hurtling at each other guns blazing, even if only one of them had a gun. Donkey Kong charged up another Giant Punch as Little Mac successfully countered a downward stab from Toon Link. "Five seconds left!" hollered Morton.

A beetle spawned in front of Donkey Kong. He had only a split second to throw it at Little Mac before a brutal uppercut met his chin. The audience gasped as the beetle clamped onto the boxer and carried him away, into the upper blast zone…

 _ **Game!**_

Roy and Morton stopped their scuffle to look at the arena. Little Mac had hit the blast zone mere moments before Donkey Kong did.

…

" _This game's winner is…_

 _ **Donkey Kong!**_ "

The audience roared as Donkey Kong shook his clenched hands above his head. Off to the side, the other fighters politely applauded.

" _And Donkey Kong takes the match!_ " bellowed Morton as he waved the microphone around. "What a show! Oh, what a sight to see! What a spectacular spectacle, a marvel, a phenomenon that will surely go down in history! A true wonder, a sensational—"

Morton was quickly knocked unconscious with Roy's hammer fist to the head. "Aaaand that'll do it for tonight! See ya next time, and remember to _settle it in Smash!_ "

Morton groggily got up from the floor. "This match has been brought to you by Morton Construction! Till next time, everyone, so long, ciao, hasta la vista! See you later, alligator! Catch ya in a while, crocodile! Adieu! Ta-ta for—"

"Give it a rest, already."

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: Gotta love those Koopalings. They work really well as a duo, don't you think? And yes, I had to use their DiC cartoon personalities, otherwise it wouldn't have worked nearly as well!**_

 ** _Next time on Super Smash World: That's the spikiest Cloud I've ever seen!_**


	7. Chapter 7: Cloudy Skies Approaching

"Are you serious right now."

"Well, I'd assume if they weren't serious, they wouldn't have— _owww!_ "

"It was a rhetorical question, princey boy."

The Smashers stood around the bulletin board, trying to digest the information spread before them. There was a picture of a man dressed almost entirely in black, with a sword to eclipse even the Monado or Ragnell. But perhaps the most striking thing about him was the mass of blond spiky hair that rested upon his head.

From the crowd, Wario asked, "Uh, who is this, and why do we care?"

"It's Cloud Strife, nimrod, _only_ one of the most famous characters of the multiverse," replied Yoshi. "And we _care_ because he's going to become a Smasher!... for some reason."

There was a quick, brisk knock at the front door. Before anyone could react, Master Hand fretfully rushed past them, leaving a trail of papers in his wake. "Oh, for goodness' sakes…!" He ineffectually tried to pick them up one by one. Considering he was a giant hand, this was very difficult.

Shulk spoke up. "Master Hand, do you… need any help?" The hand dismissively waved him off. "Nonono, it's fine, really, I-I just need—" He was interrupted by more knocking at the door. "Oh, for the love of— _coming!_ Mario, go answer the door. As you can see, I'm very busy at the moment."

Mario trotted towards the door as the knocking intensified. After a certain incident involving a scavenger hunt, the glass doors had been replaced with large, ornate wooden doors. With a great heave, he pushed the door open, if only to stop the now-endless sound of knocking.

"Hello, how can I help-a yo—oh…!"

There stood the man whose picture was on the bulletin board, toned and lean. Wearing a black sleeveless shirt and hoisting a giant sword over his shoulder, he stared down at the plumber. He was holding an envelope with a red wax seal bearing the Smash Bros. logo. "Uh, yeah, this letter told to come here for some tournament… It's the weirdest thing, 'cause a giant talking glove gave it to me…" Mario simply stared at Cloud. Upon closer inspection, it wasn't the sword that was striking: it was his eyes, an unnatural shade of blue. Master Hand floated in behind Mario.

"Ah, yes, the newcomer! Cloud, was it? Yes, I thought so." The hand puffed himself up. "My name is Master Hand. Welcome to Super Smash Brothers. You'll have to excuse appearances today, we're currently very busy!" He gestured to the other Smashers. "These will be your opponents, associates, and hopefully even friends. See if you can make yourself acquainted with them. …Normally I'd have a much more ornate speech prepared, but as I said before, I'm simply swamped with votes! Well, I must be going now—oh, _jeez_ , brother, I told you to _wait_."

Crazy Hand had floated onto the scene, and was putting up a "Welcome, Cloud Strife" banner. "Aw, come on, do I have to wait?" He noticed Cloud standing in the lobby. "Heyyyy! Welcome, newbie!" he hollered, as he waved excitedly.

Cloud stared at the waving hand. He was honestly startled to see that there were two giant talking hands (as if one giant talking hand wasn't enough), but he shrugged it off. After all, he'd seen plenty of bizarre things.

"I will warn you, though," said Crazy Hand with an informative finger pointed up. "You must never look into the silver treasure chest in the dungeon. The last guy that tried that? Reduced to nothing but a dirty rag. …Well, have fun enjoying yourself! Toodles!" And with that, Crazy Hand swooped back into his office.

Master Hand sighed. "You'll have to excuse my brother, Cloud. He's always had a fondness for being… himself. Anyways, I must take my leave. In the meantime, go on and mingle with your compatriots!" Master Hand floated back into the office, leaving Cloud alone with fifty Smashers staring at him.

"…Hm." Cloud awkwardly shuffled his feet. He wasn't exactly sure how to greet the odd cast of characters before him. He'd seen a lot of bizarre things in his adventures, but none of them quite like this. At last, the mustachioed red man stepped forward. "Well, let-a me be the first to say welcome to the Smash-a Mansion. _It's-a me, Mario!_ " He offered his hand, which Cloud took.

The other Smashers inched closer to Cloud, eyeing him up and down. Murmurs arose among the crowd:

"Look at the _size_ of that sword!"

"I know, right? Clearly he must be— _hey!_ "

"You hush. Acting like he can't hear us…"

"Forget the sword, look at how _handsome_ he is!"

"Puh-lease, this guy's nothin' new. We're already crawling with guys with faces like that anyway."

Mario turned to face everyone else. "Alrighty, let me introduce-a you to the others." He gestured to a tall, skinny green man. "This here's my bro, Luigi." Luigi scratched the back of his head and waved awkwardly. Next was a woman in an elegant pink dress. "And-a this is Princess Peach." The woman ( _Who names their kid Peach?_ thought Cloud.) smiled and curtsied.

Before Mario could introduce the next Smasher, a large turtle-like creature shoved his way to the front of the group. "And-a here, we have—oh, hello, Bowser."

Bowser sneered down his nose at the newcomer. Cloud kept a tight grip on his sword. He hadn't been here for ten minutes, and already there was someone he didn't like.

"So," Bowser growled, "this is the _famous_ Cloud Strife." He stared him up and down, then turned to the crowd as Mario had. "Getta load of this guy's hairdo!" he jeered. "What'd ya do, steal Lucas' hair gel stash?" Giggles rose from the crowd as a blond boy—obviously Lucas—tried to shrink away. "And another thing!" Bowser plucked the Buster Sword out of his hands. "What's this thing?"

"That," Cloud growled, "is my Buster Sword. If you don't mind, I'd really like to have that ba—" He was interrupted by Bowser flattening out his hair so he could rest his elbow on his head. " _This_ is a _sword?!_ It's the weirdest thing, I have a meat cleaver that looks just like this!" He held the giant sword up to the light. "Wooooow. Pittoo was right, you _are_ compensating." The giggles increased, punctuated by Pittoo saying, " _Stop calling me that!_ "

Mario stepped in to break up a potential fight. "Alrighty, alrighty, that's enough-a." Bowser tossed the Buster Sword back to Cloud. "Feh, whatever. Pretty boy-types like him, they're a dime a dozen." He stomped away, making sure to step on Luigi's feet as he went.

"Ignore him," advised Mario. "He may be a villain, but he's-a not necessarily a bad guy. Now then, about-a everyone else…"

And so, Cloud met all the other Smashers, from the relatively mundane ("This is the Duck Hunt dog. Now, now, Cloud, don't-a get too upset! Hee hee!") to the strangely familiar ("This is Link from-a Hyrule. …Hmmm? You say he looks-a familiar?") to the downright bizarre ("Mr. Game & Watch is… eh…" "A Superflat Worlder." "…Sure, why not."). With over fifty of them, it was a long and tedious process.

An exhausted Cloud slumped over on a couch in the break room. Meeting so many weird people in such a short time really sucked the life out of a person. But now that that little meet-and-greet was over, he finally had some time to himself. He smiled and closed his eyes. He wasn't scheduled to actually participate in any matches for a long while, so he had plenty of time to relax…

" _Hey, you!_ "

…Of course.

Cloud opened his eyes. Staring down at him was a very irritated-looking red-haired man. "You're… Roy, right?"

Roy snorted offendedly. "Are you—are you _serious?_ " He addressed the almost-empty room. "Is this guy for real right now?" he asked no one in particular. Charizard and Olimar, the only other people in the room, paid his question no attention.

Cloud sat up. To his mild surprise, Roy was holding his sword. "Listen, here, _bub,_ you must think you're _soooo_ special, huh? 'Oooh, look at me, I'm Clod Stripes _—_ '" ("It's _Cloud Strife_ ," put in Cloud) "'and I've got a pretty face, spiky hair, and a big ol' meat cleaver! Well, I've got news for you, buddy!" He scowled down at Cloud. " _You're nothin' special,_ " he hissed. "If anyone's the lovable spiky-haired swordsman, it's _me_."

Cloud stared at him, bored. He'd honestly expected something more from him. He lay back down. Probably not worth his time.

Roy was none too pleased about being ignored. "Yeah?! Well… I—" he sputtered. "I challenge you! Come on, let's go! Mano y mano!"

Charizard heated up his coffee with his fire breath. "Roy, you really need to chill out. So we've got another swordfighter. Big whoop. Just because someone's got a sword doesn't mean they're stealing your thunder."

"Indeed," put in Olimar. "In fact, statistics have shown that just under twenty percent of all fighters here use a sword."

Roy pouted and crossed his arms. "But just look at the size of that thing! He's so obviously—" Charizard held up a claw to stop him. "Dude, he's literally _right there_."

Roy sat in a chair and angrily gnawed on a bran muffin. The flame Pokémon sat across from him. "Listen, man, jealousy never looks good on anyone," he said sagely. "I know Cloud's the new big thing right now, but you shouldn't let that get to you. Remember when Ryu first arrived and everyone got all excit—oh, _come on._ "

Roy had taken a marker and was about doodling all over Cloud's sleeping face. Charizard leapt into action. " _What are you doing?!_ " Charizard asked heatedly. "Are you really that immature?"

"Hold on a minute," said the prince without looking up. "I'm going to draw an actual cloud… with a dumb face, like he has!"

"Alright, that's it." Charizard snatched the marker out of Roy's hands. "I honestly expected better from you, Roy." The prince rolled his eyes. "Charizard, if you're going to lecture me, can you hurry it up? _Cloud's_ gonna wake up any second now, and I wanna draw him with a big ol' pair of buck teeth."

" _No!_ You can't just draw on Cloud's face! What if he wakes up and he sees you? Then how will you explain yourself? 'Oh, _sorry_ , Cloud, I was busy drawing on you 'cause I've been insecure about myself ever since I wasn't invited to the Brawl tournament! Now hold still while I finish up this rude saying!' Is that what you're gonna say?"

"…Maybe."

Charizard's claw met his forehead. "You're missing the point, man. You _shouldn't_ be drawing on Cloud's face! It's rude, vulgar, embarrassing, and—"

"Ahem." Olimar's voice came from behind a chair. "Charizard, remember that little talk we had about _fire hazards?_ "

"Whuh?" Charizard looked at his tail, and what he saw caused his heart to stop and his blood to turn to ice.

Cloud's once dangerously spiky hair was now on fire, burning nearly to his scalp. Of course, Charizard's flame-tipped tail was a couple of inches from Cloud's ear. And to make matters worse, Cloud was just about to wake up.

"Hmmm…" Cloud smacked his lips. "Why is Bahamut orange…?" He rubbed his eyes. "Say, does anyone else smell smoke?"

Charizard stared helplessly at Cloud while Roy tried to stifle a laugh. "Okay, whatever you do, _don't look in a mirror_ …"

Cloud stared at the dragon worriedly for a split second, then pulled out a pocket mirror to look into. In a moment that seemed to go on forever, he almost didn't react. Then…

…

Far away from the scene, Yoshi and Pac-Man's game of chess came to a sudden pause.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Pac-Man. "What—or who—was _that?!_ "

"Dunno," shrugged the dinosaur, working to right himself after nearly falling out of his chair. "Kinda sounded like… Oh! Lei-Fei!"

"…Who?"

* * *

"Mamma mia, that was a close one, eh? Luckily Charizard and Olimar brought you here just in time! Now hold-a still…"

Cloud winced as Dr. Luigi rinsed his scalp. His hair hadn't been totally burnt, but the golden sea urchin that once rested upon his head was now nothing more than peach fuzz, if the peach in question had been cooked medium rare. Off to the side, Charizard looked guilty with his head hung low. Olimar looked worried, while Roy just looked apathetic.

"It's not your fault, Charizard," Cloud reassured for the seventh time that day. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "My first day here, and I'm already getting injured…"

"Well, look on-a the bright side!" put in Dr. Luigi helpfully. "A lot of the fighters here use-a fire, so think of it as a taste of what's-a to come!" This suggestion was met with the deadpan stares of everyone present. "…Right. Lemme just-a get the ointment." He turned and left for the infirmary's back room.

With Dr. Luigi gone, the four Smashers were left alone. Roy broke the silence. "I would just like to say… it doesn't look that bad. In fact, that look actually works on you."

Cloud merely gave him a sideways glance. "I'm just glad Tifa or Yuffie aren't around to see this… They'd never let me hear the end of it."

"I suppose we should keep this little incident under wraps," said Olimar. "After all, word spreads quickly around here, and who know what would happen if someone like Bowser or—"

" _Did someone mention the King of_ _ **Awesome?**_ "

"Speak of the devil."

The lumbering Koopa King stomped into the infirmary, a wicked grin spread across his reptilian face. "Darn tootin', 'speak of the devil'! So I heard our little newbie got a stylin' new haircut." His eyes fell on the ex-SOLDIER. Bowser paused, then burst into laughter. "Gwa ha ha ha! Oh man, it's better than I imagined! Get a load of this! It's like someone shaved his head and pressed a hot iron on it! Ohoho, this is just too rich!"

Bowser's loud voice carried through the walls, and soon more Smashers appeared at the infirmary door. Cloud buried his face in his hands. Dr. Luigi reappeared with a bottle of ointment, and was shocked at the sudden appearance of almost a dozen Smashers. "Hey now, come on, get outta here! Cloud needs his-a privacy!" he said as he tried to send them away. But the doctor's insistence that they leave only served to attract yet more Smashers.

"Oh my goodness!" cried Zelda. "Cloud, are you all right?"

Wario, on the other hand, was much less sympathetic, and fell on the floor laughing with the Duck Hunt dog. "Wahahahaa! Look at 'im! He's bald! Bald as a bean!"

Captain Falcon winced at the sight of Cloud's burnt scalp. "Ooooh, that's gotta sting. Hey, Marth, this reminds me of the time—"

"I thought I told you _not to go there_."

"Alrighty, that's enough," said Dr. Luigi with finality. "Everyone-a go on. Leave-a Cloud in-a peace, thank you very much. Okeydokey, bye-bye." The Smashers, having lost interest in Cloud's scorched scalp, dispersed. As Bowser left, he threw a final remark over his shoulder. "Catch ya later, Spikesy McCleaver."

"Spikesy McCleaver? That doesn't even sound original," said Cloud as Dr. Luigi rubbed the long-awaited ointment on his scalp. The sudden silence and gaze aversion tipped Cloud off that something was wrong. "What? What happened?"

Dr. Luigi sighed as he began wrapping gauze around Cloud's head. "I wasn't going to tell you this, but… the burnt hair isn't the only thing that happened. Have a look…" He held up a mirror for Cloud to see the damage done.

Scrawled all over Cloud's face was a variety of rude drawings and phrases, including, but not limited to, a cloud with a silly-looking face, a buck-toothed caricature of Cloud, a handlebar mustache right under his nose, and, of course, 'Spikesy McCleaver'.

Cloud nearly dropped the mirror in horror. "W-wh— _who did this?!_ " The question was intoned with shock more than anger.

Right away, Charizard pointed a claw at Roy. "It was all him." Roy's hands went to his chest in faux-innocence. " _Me?!_ I am honestly shocked, _shocked_ at you, Charizard. _I,_ ruin Cloud's _beautiful_ face? Never!"

"You literally threatened him just an hour ago."

"Threatened is such a strong word." As he said it, the offending marker fell out of his sleeve. "…That's not mine."

Cloud's eye twitched in anger. Sensing danger, Dr. Luigi shooed them out of the infirmary. Once they were outside, Cloud took out his Buster Sword and rested on it. "Alright, you better have a good excuse for this."

Olimar quickly stepped in, hoping to avoid a conflict. "Now, now, Cloud, I'm sure Roy didn't mean to cause you such humiliation." He looked to Charizard for backup. However, the flame Pokémon was perfectly fine with watching Roy get carved up. He shrugged his shoulders. "Have fun slicing him up," he said, stomping away.

The Hocotatian had to think quickly. He racked his brains for something, _anything_ that would help. What had happened while Cloud was asleep?

" _Well, I've got news for you, buddy!_ You're nothin' special. _If anyone's the lovable spiky-haired swordsman, it's_ me…"

… _That's it!_

"He's jealous," Olimar blurted out. Cloud looked taken aback, as did Roy. "Jealous?" they repeated.

"Yes, Roy is jealous," Olimar replied. "He's jealous of your, ah…good looks! Yes, that's it!" Roy looked scandalized. " _Jealous?!_ " he hissed. "I am _not_ —" Olimar stopped him with a hand. "Just let me handle this," he whispered. "Do you want to get cut to ribbons? Now, as I was saying…"

"Roy has been jealous from the start. He feels threatened by you, Cloud. You see, Roy is a veteran, but he has only recently returned to the tournament. Now that he has become stronger, he wants to prove himself to those that thought he was nothing more than a Marth clone." Roy winced at the words "Marth clone". Even though this was only his second time around, he knew a surprising amount about the Smashers. Olimar continued. "But then you came along, and Roy took as an attempt to steal your thunder. So he sought to vandalize your image by writing all those mean things on your face. But now he realizes the error of his ways." ("I do?" " _Yes, you do!_ ") Surely, _surely,_ you can find it in your heart to forgive him, right?"

Both swordsmen made eye contact. Roy suddenly felt very nervous. It was like Cloud's piercing blue eyes could see right into his soul. "Are… you really jealous of me?"

Roy looked between Cloud and Olimar. He sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, he was, on some level, jealous of Cloud. Gritting his teeth, he spat out, "Yes, I'm… jealous."

Cloud's expression softened. "Well, Roy, you need to understand that being jealous and slandering others isn't the way to do things. If you're jealous of me, you can use that motivation to enhance your own abilities. Who knows? Maybe you could become the strongest fighter here. So what do you say?" He extended his hand in peace.

Roy's mouth worked as he considered his question. After some deliberation, he took his hand and shook it. "Fine…" Olimar beamed and breathed a sigh of relief. "Technically, Olimar said I was jealous, not me." The ex-SOLDIER chuckled.

"So… what now?"

The three Smashers were alone in the hallways. "I say," suggested Olimar, "three tall glasses of Pikpik carrot juice from the pub. My treat!" After the day they'd had, that was as welcoming as a warm blanket. As the Smashers walked off together, Cloud asked, "So, what's _really_ inside the silver treasure chest in the dungeon?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: Honestly, I have nothing against Cloud. However, he is, without a doubt the most unexpected newcomer we've seen yet. In fact, it's pretty surreal...**_

 _ **Next time on Super Smash World: The ballot results are in! Or are they? Who knows!**_


	8. Chapter 8: Smash Ballot, Again!

There was a great buzz around the Smash grounds on a crisp, sunny morning. The ballot was over and the last few votes had been tallied up by the hands. Now came the moment of truth: who had won? Who would join their ranks?

After breakfast, everyone, Smasher, Assist Trophy, and Final Smash character alike, filed directly to the auditorium, where Master Hand's enthusiasm became very clear. The hardwood flooring was polished to a shine, the walls had been given a fresh coat of paint, and golden curtains decorated with the Smash Bros. symbol cascaded from the ceiling. In the orchestra pit, a selection of Miis tuned their instruments, led by a strange-looking man with a powdered wig.

Ganondorf sat next to Toon Link, who held a flag with the words "Vote Tetra!" on them. He stared down his nose at the boy. "Do you really think," he asked, "that Master Hand would invite that brat pirate girl over someone more deserving?"

Toon Link put his hands on his hips. "Really, now _?_ Well, then, _Old Man-ondorf,_ who did _you_ vote for?"

The Gerudo puffed out his chest with pride. "I voted for myself. Obviously; no one else here can pose an actual challenge to me."

"That's what you said right before you got destroyed by the Duck Hunt dog." Behind them, the dog giggled at Ganondorf's incensed face.

On the stage itself, the hands peeked out from behind the curtain. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were wearing identical cuffs with Smash Ball-designed cuff links, giving them the appearance of disembodied cartoon gloves. Which technically, they were.

They could see Luigi eagerly wearing a "Daisy 4 Smash" print shirt. To the left, Mr. Game & Watch hopping up and down, holding a "Vote for Parabo & Satebo" sign. And to the left, Yoshi could be seen being restrained by R.O.B., while Wario jeered from a safe distance. A heated argument had broken out over whether or not Birdo or Lip would join the roster.

"I think it's about time we began, isn't it?" remarked Master Hand. He and his counterpart darted back behind the curtain.

The lights dimmed in the main theater. Immediately any idle chatting ceased as the Smashers waited with bated breath. The show was about to start.

The lights were dimmed and the stage was set. The Miis picked up their instruments. A deep booming voice echoed from the speakers:

" **Lllladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Smashers of all ages… we are pleased to announce the results of the Smash Bros. Fighter Ballot! And now, here is your host:**

… **drum roll please…**

 **Master Hand!"**

The crowd erupted into a peal of applause and cheers as the orchestra blared a triumphant fanfare. Master Hand himself hovered onto the stage, causing the applause to become accentuated with whistling and feet stomping the floor. He held up his hand (or rather, his body?) for silence.

"Welcome, Smash Brothers and Assist Trophies alike. Today is a monumental day in our history. Fans from all across the universe and many others have cast their votes on who should join the Super Smash Brothers. Even here, some of us have had ideas on potential recruits for this most esteemed collection of combatants." Here, the hand glanced at Shulk, who waved a giant "No Rainbow Without Reyn" sign.

"But now," Master Hand continued, "the voting has ended. The ballots have been tallied. _And now…_ the results are in! Brother," he called offstage, "if you please."

The left hand now burst out from behind the curtain in a "ta-da!" pose. Between his fingers, he held a golden envelope sealed with the Smash logo. The audience was literally on the edge of their seats, some squeaking with delight.

Master Hand took the envelope from Crazy Hand, who proceeded to dance off the stage on two of his fingers, earning a chuckle from some of the veterans. Master Hand cleared his throat. He spoke in a hushed tone, enough so that the audience had to lean in to hear clearly. "And now… the moment you've all been waiting for." He opened the envelope in one swift motion and pulled the slip of paper out. "Announcing the winner of the Smash Ballot." The theater was dead silent.

" _This game's winner is…_

…

 _ **Bayonetta!**_ "

It was as if all the air in the room was sucked out at once. A tall, dark, and most definitely handsome woman slowly strutted onto the stage. She was certainly a sight to see: a skin tight black suit, feather-like extension sweeping away from the shoulders, and her shoes—were those _guns?!_ The hand paid the chilly reception no mind, as he were too busy doing jazz hands.

"…Hello? Anyone there?" asked Master Hand when the silence became too much to bear. He looked out into the crowd. The Smashers' faces were hard to read. Jaws were agape. Eyes were bulging out of their sockets. Then…

"Who?"

The hand stopped. "Why, it's Bayonetta! She's the Smash Ballot winner."

Here, there was a mild upheaval from the Smashers. "You can't be serious," cried someone. "I thought it was gonna be King K. Rool." Someone else shouted, "No way, man, it was obviously Bandanna Dee!" Another voice— _of course it's Pikachu_ , thought Master Hand—said, "I'm telling you, I must've sorted 60,000 votes, and not one of them was Bayonetta!"

"Now, now, everyone settle down," called Master Hand. "As it happens, Bayonetta was the top character in Europe. So they claim," he added in a smaller voice. The Smashers were relatively appeased by this, but the Kongs seemed very cross as they sat back down.

"But that's not all!" bellowed Crazy Hand, making everyone jump. He burst forth from behind the curtain. "There is still **a new challenger!** " He produced another envelope from nowhere. The Smashers leaned in fervently.

" _ **Corrin!**_ "

As the hands clapped intensely, two young adults with white hair stepped onto the stage, one male and one female. Once again, silence occupied the auditorium. It was not the stunned, shocked silence that accompanied Bayonetta's arrival. This time, it was a tense, almost angry silence.

"So… is that it?" asked Captain Falcon.

"…Yep. These are your new challengers."

"…"

The lack of reaction worried Master Hand. "Quickly, play us out!" he whispered to the Mii band. The orchestra played a hasty closing fanfare as the hands tap danced off the stage.

* * *

The afterparty that followed was very tense. No one seemed to be in a celebrating mood. Pit especially seemed to cower in fear every time Bayonetta looked at him. In a corner, King Dedede was talking his head off, complaining.

" _Unbelievable!_ " he blustered, pausing every now and then to take a sip from his cup. " _Six_ Fire Emblem characters?!And _nothing_ for us Dream Landers?! This is a travesty." He downed the rest of his drink. "What, was ol' Bandanna Dee not good enough for 'em or somethin'?"

In another corner, Ganondorf sat in a chair scowling, as usual for him. "I don't believe this. Yet another fighter of _their ilk_ …"

Toon Link rolled his eyes. "For once, I'm gonna have to agree with you, 'Dorf. I mean, where do they get off, thinking they can just stroll in here with more characters than we do?"

Toon Link and Ganondorf were not the only ones thinking this, as the Corrins soon realized. Certain characters leered at them angrily from their spots, including Wario and Captain Falcon, the former of which jumped out of his chair and began to walk closer to them.

"Listen here, bucko! You think you can just-a waltz right in here with more of your _Fram Blam_ sword-wielding freaks?! Well, you've-a got another thing comin'!" he said, jabbing a finger in their faces. "How come my series gets only me as a fighter?!"

Behind him, Captain Falcon snorted. "Oh, _please_. At least you and your little plumber friends still _get_ games." He scowled into his drink.

Wario turned around to glare at the racer. "Hey, it's not my fault your series was abandoned for the superior, lucrative-er product."

That set him off. Captain Falcon lunged at the goblin-like man, only being held back at the last minute by Fox and Falco. "You take that back, you—you little—weirdo—freak—thing!" Wario simply laughed at him. "Wahahahahaha! Loser can't get another game!"

Sensing a scuffle, Yoshi stepped in between the two. "Now, now, everyone calm down. F-Zero wasn't abandoned… it was just… absorbed into Mario Kart."

It was the wrong answer, Yoshi realized, as he was sent flying across the room from a roundhouse kick. He bounced off the wall and onto a table, splatting right into Peach's welcome cake.

And so, as was becoming commonplace, the entire room erupted into chaos. Furniture was used as ammunition, cries of "irrelevant" and "dead series" were spat, and several Smashers were sent sailing every which way. No one seemed to notice as Mr. Game & Watch slid in through the crack in the door. "Good afternoon, compatriots! I—" He stopped and looked at the commotion before him. Bowser and Ganondorf had teamed up to stomp on a prone Corrin, while Ike was trying to get his head unstuck from a table. In an effort to call attention, the flat man stood up and rang his bell. "Excuse me? Anyone?"

He was promptly answered by a stray pie hitting him in the face.

Now this was just nonsense! In a huff, Mr. Game & Watch strolled over to the light switch and flicked it on and off. Somehow, it managed to get everyone's attention. Charizard released Pit from a headlock long enough to ask, "What?! Whaddya want?!"

Now was his chance. He stepped up on a conveniently-placed box. Then he spoke.

"Comrades, colleagues, villains… Wario," he added. "Is this how we present ourselves to the newcomers? Is this how we react? By paltry fighting?"

" _Yes,_ " replied Bowser. "That's why we got invited, braniac."

"Be that as it may," Mr. Game & Watch continued, "are we really so petty, as to fly into a rage over the smallest things?"

"Again, yes," replied Bowser. "I'm a villain. When I don't get what _I_ want, if I can't just take it, I ruin it for everyone else."

Mr. Game & Watch struggled for a good comeback. "Well…maybe, but… you shouldn't do that, hoodlum!"

Just outside, Master Hand and Crazy Hand were about to deliver a large, fancy set of cupcakes to the party. "Say, do you think Bayonetta likes red velvet? I feel like she'd be the type to like red velvet."

Before Master Hand could answer, the wall right next to the door burst, sending plaster and other debris everywhere. Through the dust, they could barely make out Mr. Game & Watch, fleeing from at least twenty Smashers, with Bowser leading the charge.

Both hands stared after them. Crazy Hand cried, "Oh, goodie! A chase!" He had to be restrained by his brother, who simply sighed. "Thank heavens the DLC is over."

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: It's been 3000 years...! Wait, nevermind.**_

 _ **So yeah, Corrin, eh? You know, the one that's not Bayonetta. ...The one nobody cared for. The one that's not your choice. That one.**_

 ** _Next time on Super Smash World: A Smasher does something funny!_**


	9. Chapter 9: To Be A Hero

When King Dedede woke up one morning, he couldn't help but feel that somehow, something good was going to happen to him that day.

Of course, he didn't have much to back up that claim, considering he woke up to Kirby shouting " _Gooood morning, everyone!_ ", but according to him, that didn't matter. What mattered was that today was going to be a good one.

As the king waddled down the hallway for breakfast, the offending puffball from earlier in the morning bounced up to his side. "Good morning, Dedede!" he said in-between bounces.

Normally, King Dedede would ignore Kirby and continue on his way (if he was feeling patient) or introduce him to the business end of his hammer (if he wasn't). However, King Dedede was feeling more than patient. He was feeling… openly benevolent.

So, instead of telling Kirby to quit bothering him, he patted the little puffball on the head with a "Good morning, Kirby!" He then waddled on his almost-disturbingly jolly way.

Kirby was ecstatic that Dedede greeted him without physical violence. The other Smashers, on the other hand, were… unsettled, to say the least.

"Dedede, are you all right?" asked Luigi at the breakfast table. "You seem… really jolly for eight-thirty in the morning."

"Oh, I'm better than all right, Luigi, ol' pal!" chortled Dedede as he swallowed down a couple of pancakes. "I just got a good feelin' about today, know what I mean?"

Luigi stared at his friend. This was unlike King Dedede at all. Normally he would literally inhale his breakfast, then laze around in the courtyard if he didn't have a scheduled match. But now, he was squirming in his seat, as excited as a little boy on his first day of school. _Something's not right here,_ thought Luigi.

"Hey, Luigi!"

 _Oh boy._

Luigi turned to the penguin, trying to keep a neutral face. "Yes, Dedede?"

King Dedede grinned mischievously. "Luigi, ol' buddy, ol' pal! You got any plans for today?"

Luigi sighed. He figured that Dedede had some ulterior motive for being so nice. He needed a favor from him. Well, he wasn't scheduled for any matches today, so it couldn't hurt. "Actually, I'm-a free all day today."

The penguin jovially clapped the plumber on the back, sending him face-first into his breakfast. "Excellent! Ohoho, lemme tell ya, Weeg, the two of us are gonna do some good work today, yessiree!"

Deep within himself, Luigi shuddered. He had a bad feeling that this would be a very long day.

* * *

After breakfast, the duo meandered down the halls, looking for Smashers in need of help. At Luigi's request, they went door to door offering their services. But for all their eagerness, it was a hard sell.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks."

"Who even are you guys?"

"Don't even think about it."

"Now's not a good time."

"Ew, _no_."

King Dedede irritatedly plopped down on a chair, which creaked and bent under his weight. "Can you believe it?! No one wanted our help! Fine, then! We'll see if I try to help when they come to me!"

Luigi reclined next to him. "Calm-a down, Dedede. Maybe we just need to-a start small. Ask around for small errands, you know?"

As if Luigi had said the magic words, Palutena popped her head out from behind a door. "Wait, did you just say small errands?"

The plumber got up. "As a matter of fact, we're-a running an errand service. Well, I mean, he is," he added, pointing a thumb at Dedede, who was sauntering up to the goddess of light, a wide grin on his beak.

"Aha! I knew there was someone around here who needed our help!" He sidled up to the goddess, who testily shoved him away. "So, whaddya need?"

Palutena dropped a couple of bills into Luigi's palm. "Can you pick up some milk for me at the store? They built this new convenience store just east of here. 'K, thanks, bye." With that, she shut the door right in the duo's faces.

King Dedede glanced at Luigi's slightly offended face. "…Well, you did say to start small," he said with a shrug.

Luigi and King Dedede headed for the main door. "We're going out, you guys," Dedede declared to no one in particular. "If we don't come back, Kirby's in charge of Dream Land. Wait a minute… Meta Knight's in charge!"

The sun shone brightly on the Smash grounds as Luigi and Dedede came outside. Donkey Kong was trying to pull a half-buried Falco out of the ground. Over to the side, Toon Link and Greninja were playing a game of volleyball while doing handstands, with Kirby as the ball. And right behind them, R.O.B. was holding a bucket of water, worriedly chasing a burning Yoshi.

A slow Thursday, Master Hand would've said.

Luigi and Dedede opted instead to go around the back of the grounds. It would've have been much quicker. Just go around to the back, and hop through the gate. A much faster alternative… had it not been for a certain swordsman searching around the trash cans.

Marth glanced up at them upon hearing their footsteps. "Oh, good morning, Luigi. And… Dedede, too, I suppose," he added unenthusiastically.

Luigi waved while Dedede snorted, offended by his lack of greeting. "What're you doing here, anyway, snooping around the garbage?"

Marth shut his eyes and took a deep breath, as if to hold in his anger. "I'm looking for my mirror that Bowser's _rotten little son_ stole." He continued to dig through the trash can and grimaced when he pulled out a napkin caked with drool. " _Uuuuuugh…_ He probably threw it away or something."

A stone flung at the prince's head got his attention. Marth whirled around to see the culprit himself, sitting in his Junior Clown Car. And in his greedy little claws was a small blue compact mirror.

"My mirror!" exclaimed a relieved Marth. "Give it back," he demanded, a tight grip on his sword.

Bowser Jr. simply stuck out his tongue. "If you want it so bad, then come on and take it from me!" He casually rolled the mirror along his arm.

A short pause, then Marth lunged for the mirror. But Bowser Jr. was too quick, and leapt out of the way.

Luigi, ever the hero, tried to talk the Koopa into handing over the mirror. "Come on, Junior, just-a hand over the mirror and no one has to get hurt." King Dedede brandished his hammer. "And if you don't, then someone _will_ get hurt!"

Bowser Jr. looked from Marth's sword, to Dedede's hammer, to Luigi's fists. Without breaking eye contact, he threw the mirror onto the ground. And for good measure, a drill extended from the bottom of the Clown Car, shattering the mirror into a thousand shards.

Marth shrieked. Bowser Jr. deftly dodged the swing of Dedede's hammer, and drove away cackling.

Marth's face was red going on purple. "That rotten little brat…" King Dedede put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Aw, cheer up, Marth, ol' pal! We'll get you a new one. Just, uh… try not to explode while we're gone, will ya?"

* * *

After making sure Marth wouldn't torch Bowser Jr.'s room, the two were out the gate, walking through the plain. "So what about this new convenience store? Who even owns this place, anyways?"

The green plumber shrugged. "Dunno. I heard it's-a one of Donkey Kong's friends." Overhead, clouds passed lazily by. Luigi took a deep breath. The silence of nature was a lovely break from the constant chaos and commotion of the Smash grounds. It was so peaceful and quiet…

…A little _too_ quiet.

Luigi turned around. Sure enough, there was King Dedede, lazy as ever, snoozing away on his back. He lethargically opened one eye. "Luigi… I'm so tired," he muttered huskily. "P-pick me up, will ya?"

Begrudgingly, Luigi helped the penguin king back up on his feet. "Whatever happened to doing good work?"

King Dedede pouted. "I wanna do good work, but no one told me it'd be just walking around…"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Luigi shook his head. "Maybe if you spent-a more time in the Wii Fit Studio instead of lounging around, you'd have-a more energy to walk-a."

"Hey, I went there once!"

"Bringing potato chips doesn't count."

"…Well, it should!"

Luigi sighed. Putting King Dedede and exercise together was like trying to get Ganondorf to volunteer at an orphanage. "Can't we take a car or something?" Dedede moaned.

"Well, I don't really see a car anywhere," Luigi said, gesturing to the vast, empty plain surrounding them. "So it looks like we're-a hoofing it."

"What about that one?" asked Dedede, pointing a hand right behind Luigi.

There, sticking out like a sore thumb, was the Blue Falcon, parked next to a tree as though it had been there all day. Luigi gawked. "Wha-wha—why?"

King Dedede waddled over to the vehicle, a greedy grin splitting his beak. " _Ohoho, yeah,_ this'll do nicely…" He glanced over at Luigi. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

The plumber blinked. "Oh, no, no, nonononono! We're not gonna take Captain Falcon's car!" Luigi plucked a note off the windshield. "See? 'Went to look for rocks for Charizard. Will be back soon. **Do not touch.** Love, Captain Falcon.' He could be back any minute!"

"Aw, come on, Weeg, where's your sense of adventure?" Dedede scribbled something on the piece of paper, and stuck it on the windshield, which he greedily stroked. He pushed a little too hard, causing it to pop open. "Well, wouldya look at that! It's like it's beckoning to me!"

Luigi was starting to panic. "Hurry up and put that back! You know how touchy Falcon gets when someone touches his car…!" Dedede paid him no mind, and began to clamber into the machine.

"Noooo!" In an effort to pull Dedede out of the machine, Luigi lunged for his robes, but stumbled, as he was liable to do, and fell in headfirst. It was a tight squeeze, with a fat penguin king, his hammer, and a green plumber squeezed into a one-seater F-Zero machine. To make matters worse, the windshield closed over them.

"Welp, guess we got no choice but to squat in here. Hey, scooch over, will ya?" Dedede pushed Luigi over to the side of the seat. His eyes fell on the dashboard. "Hey, look! Tunes!" he exclaimed, gesturing to the car radio. He pushed the power button and waited. A merry pop melody began to play.

" _Yeah, yeah, yeah!_

…

 _Hey, now, here is my song…"_

"Aw, yeah!" Dedede cried. "This is my jam!" He began to bounce in his seat to the rhythm, much to Luigi's discomfort. " _I wish that I was yours, but I'm too shy, I suppose!_ " He clapped as the backups in the song did.

Against his better judgement, Luigi began to bob his head to the music. "It's-a too bad Sal Out's cover is-a nowhere near as good as the original," he commented. "They honestly could've done a lot—" He caught himself midsentence. " _What am I saying?!_ Dedede, we gotta get out of here before Captain Falcon catches us!"

Dedede turned to Luigi, an impish look on his face. Slowly, he turned the key. The engine roared to life as the vehicle began to levitate.

Luigi blanched. "No," he whimpered.

Slowly, Dedede shifted from one to five-hundred.

"No," Luigi implored.

Slowly, Dedede's foot came to rest on the pedal.

"No," Luigi pleaded. If room would allow it, he would've gotten down on his hands and knees.

The words left Dedede's beak in a whisper. "It's time." A foot slammed down on the pedal.

Luigi didn't even have time to scream as the Blue Falcon took off, leaving small flames in its wake.

* * *

"Dangit, Charizard, this better be worth it."

Captain Falcon had been carrying a heavy boulder for Charizard from The Wilds, and he was starting to regret taking the Pokémon's little sidequest. In hindsight, he probably should've parked a bit closer. Speaking of parking, it would all be worth it just to see his precious Blue Falcon again. The bounty hunter absentmindedly pushed the button to open the windshield. He pushed the boulder in, and got inside.

…

He got _into_ the vehicle…

Wait a minute. Where was the Blue Falcon?

Captain Falcon's heart skipped a beat. His pride and joy, the product of all his blood, sweat, and tears, was gone. No pieces, no trace, nothing. All that was left was a patch of dirt where he parked it, some skid marks, and a note.

…

A note.

Hands shaking, the bounty hunter picked up the note and read it.

" _Borrowing the Blue Falcon with Luigi. Picking up some milk. Will bring it back ASAP._

 _Toodles!_

 _-King Dedede"_

The note lay crushed on the ground, where Captain Falcon's boot ground it into the dirt.

"Dedede, I'm gonna kill you."

* * *

In the Blue Falcon, Luigi and King Dedede quickly discovered that the Blue Falcon was a far different driving experience than a Mario Kart race or an air ride.

" _Dedede, what did you do?!_ "

" _How am I supposed to stop this thing?!_ "

" _Mamma mia, I'm-a gonna die!_ "

" _Get me outta this death trap!_ "

" _Tell Daisy I've always loved her!_ "

The duo's screams drowned out the still-playing radio. " _Is it love that makes my heart go boom, boom, boom?_ "

Suddenly, King Dedede cried, "Look, Luigi! I see the convenience store!" And there it stood, labelled "KuMarket" in neon colors.

Luigi clutched the seat like his life depended on it (which it may as well have). "For crying out loud, Dedede, hit the brakes!"

"The brakes! Th-th-th-the brakes…" Dedede's feet fumbled around and slammed hard on the brakes. The Blue Falcon skidded to a halt, narrowly missing the gas station, and slowing to a stop neatly between the lines of a parking space.

Luigi and Dedede identically clutched their chests, their hearts going a mile a minute. The radio played on:

" _Hey now, sing it to me!_

 _That's right, I'm talking to you…_ "

With a quivering finger, Luigi turned the radio off.

* * *

As was supposedly obvious by the name, KuMarket was owned by a bear, who went by the name of Blunder. He seemed pretty droopy most of the time, but perked up considerably when the two Smashers entered the store.

"Welcome to KuMarket! How may I help you today? ...Wait a minute…! You guys are—"

"Just here for some milk, thanks." King Dedede casually browsed through the aisles.

"But you're…you're _Smashers!_ Where I'm from, you guys are legends!" Blunder almost tripped over himself trying to get over the counter. "See, I heard this place was a tourist magnet, so me and the rest of my brothers packed up shop to move here. Especially since the Northern Kremisphere isn't doing so good nowadays… But still! And now, Smashers are _here!_ In _my store!_ Yes, sirs! Anything you want!" With that, the bear scurried to the back room, squealing excitedly as he went.

"Didja hear that, Weeg?" Dedede peeked his head over an aisle. " _Legends!_ Ya think we'll get a discount?" Before Luigi could answer that no, heroes don't normally get store discounts, the bell over the door rang, and in walked Lucina, face as stalwart and serious as ever. She waved at the duo detachedly. "Oh, good afternoon, Luigi."

Luigi craned his neck over the aisle to look. "Oh, hi, Lucina." Dedede, always as subtle as an eighteen-wheeler crashing into a gas tank, sauntered up to Lucina and took off his hat-crown in an extravagant bow. "Well, how do you do, Miss Lucina." Lucina was completely unruffled as she politely returned the bow.

At that moment, Blunder returned from the back room, carrying a stack of boxes as tall as he was. He nearly dropped them upon seeing the princess of Ylisse.

" _Oh. My. Gracious._ " Blunder trembled, boxes dropping to the floor. "You're… you're…" He never finished his sentence, as he fell to the ground in a faint. The three Smashers present stared awkwardly as Blunder lay there, glassy eyes staring at the ceiling.

Luigi tried to brighten the mood. "So…" he said, stepping over the unconscious bear, "what-a brings you here?"

"Oh, well, you see…" For a brief moment, Lucina looked worried, almost despondent. "My father, he has recently fallen ill."

Luigi and King Dedede's faces grew somber. "Oh… oh no." Lucina nodded gravely. "Indeed, he has contracted gastritis. So, I have made the journey out here to pick up some medicine for him."

"Oh! Well, then, don't-a let us stop y—" Luigi's mouth was covered by King Dedede's mittened hand. "Well, in that case," came Dedede's drawling voice, "I'll pay for it for y'all!"

Lucina seemed taken aback by Dedede's sudden generosity. "Lord Dedede…?" Behind her, Luigi nearly choked. " _Lord_ Dedede?!"

"Lord Dedede, I… I couldn't possibly accept—" But _Lord_ Dedede insisted. "Naww, go on! I insist!" He turned to the still-unconscious Blunder. "Ring us up, cashier!"

At the sound of Dedede's voice, Blunder briskly got up, as though he never passed out at all. "Yes, sir, Lord Dedede, sir!" As he scanned the items, Luigi sidled up to Lucina. "Say-a, have you noticed that Dedede's acting really weird today?"

Lucina stared at Dedede as he reached for his wallet. "Hmmm… Has Lord Dedede—" ("Please stop calling him that," said Luigi) "—always been so jovial?"

"That's just-a the thing. This morning he said something about doing 'good work', so now we're off picking stuff up for others." At that moment, the penguin rolled up to the plumber's side. "Hey, Luigi! And Lucina," he coyly added with a tip of his hat-crown. "We got the milk, medicine and mirror, so whaddya say we make like Pikachu and _bolt?_ "

As everyone present shuddered involuntarily from the sheer atrocity of Dedede's joke, a certain enraged bounty hunter walked up to the front of the store. There it was, his pride and joy, the Blue Falcon, parked neatly in front. A hand traced over one of its fins. The reunion with his prize vehicle would have to wait. He had business to attend to.

He peered into the front of the store. A bear was present, walking into the back room. And sure enough, there were the perpetrators, laughing and joking like nothing was wrong, as if they were _proud_ of their crimes. His fist trembled. Without another word, the automatic doors slid open as he walked inside.

Luigi, ever the cautious, spied Captain Falcon glaring at them. His eyed widened, his face paled and his moustache drooped. He yanked Dedede behind an aisle.

"What're you doing? I was just about to hit Lucina with another one of my jokes!" Dedede protested.

"The—the jokes can-a wait," said the plumber, trying to keep his voice steady. "Right now, we really need to go as-a quickly and as quietly as possible," he stressed, praying to some unseen, unknown deity that they hadn't been spotted, that they could sneak out the back—

" _So._ "

Too late. There he stood over them, arms folded, teeth clenched, the fluorescent lighting surrounding him in a way that made Luigi feel very much like Chrom. "This is where the _hijackers_ decided to hide, eh?"

Now it was King Dedede's turn to go pale. "H-h-hijackers? I dunno what you're talkin' about…" He dared not look Captain Falcon in the eye, for fear of the sheer hatred coming off the racer setting him ablaze.

"Don't play dumb with me, Dedede!" he spat, making both plumber and penguin shrink back. "I found this note on the ground right where I parked it." From his pocket he produced a crumpled piece of paper, on which Dedede's sloppy, yet elegant handwriting could be made out. He threw on the ground at Dedede's feet.

Dedede stammered, "In my defense, uh…I…" He looked around, desperately searching for inspiration. "The devil made me do it?"

Captain Falcon scowled. "Wow. I had zero expectations for an excuse, and I'm still underwhelmed."

"Well, this has been nice," said Luigi, stilling clinging to hope that they could get out unscathed, "but, as you know, milk spoils, so…" He tried to slip past, but Falcon quickly unfolded his arms and pointed at his big nose, making him squeal and drop the groceries.

"Listen up, and listen well," he growled, still pointing dramatically at the unfortunate duo. "Do you know how Captain Falcon deals with evildoers?" _Third person,_ thought King Dedede, heart racing as fast as the Blue Falcon. _That's never a good sign._

"Um," whimpered Luigi, now cowering behind Dedede, "he sends them on the path to rehabilitation?"

"Wrong!" barked Falcon, causing the two Smashers to cling to each other. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little music player, which proceeded to play the background music for Mute City. "Captain Falcon gives 'em…" He paused for dramatic effect, then in a deadly whisper: " _The punch._ "

Luigi felt the little hope for survival he had left drop into the deepest, darkest depths of his soul, never to be seen again. "Oh, _mamma mia,_ not the punch…" he moaned. Dedede opened his beak to say something, anything that would save them, but it was too late, for Captain Falcon was getting into position. He reeled his right fist back, literally burning with rage as he prepared to unleash fiery death upon the two Smashers that had dared to steal his prized vehicle. " _ **FALCON…!**_ "

…

…

…

Dedede exhaled. He hadn't even felt anything. Had they been spared? Or was this one of those weird coma dreams?

He opened an eye. To his surprise, he did not see Captain Falcon's fist mere centimeters away from his face, but Captain Falcon sprawled out onto the floor, with Lucina standing menacingly over him, sword pointed at his face. Coincidentally, the music had cut out at that very moment.

Now, Luigi removed his face from Dedede's chest. He stared at the scene in front of him. "Lucina…?"

Captain Falcon slowly got up and noticed the sword dangerously close to his nose. "Lucina," he said, taking deep breaths, "I'm telling you, just this once, let me punch—" He never got to finish his sentence, leaping out of the way as the Parallel Falchion barely sliced his cheek. He gawked at the princess glaring daggers at him, sword still pointing at his neck. The white triangles of his eyes widened in epiphany. "Oh man… Lucy, is this _still_ about your father? Look, let's face it, he was the _boring_ choice—"

Again, a swing of the Parallel Falchion interrupted Captain Falcon's words, this time slicing him across his stomach. He stumbled backwards and nearly tripped over his own feet, opening himself to yet more angry slashes and swipes from Lucina.

"How _dare_ you speak of my father that way—after all he's done—after _all_ his efforts—you _dare_ sully his name?!" She went on in this manner, striking at his joints and occasionally stomping on his face.

In the meantime, Luigi and King Dedede were still staring at the brawl with a mixture of awe and terror. After regaining his bearings, Luigi stood up. "Well, as much as I'd _love_ to see Captain Falcon get brutalized by-a Lucina, we should probably get-a going. Milk spoils, you know."

But Dedede remained transfixed. "Hold on, I wanna see how long it takes before he starts bleedin'..."

Luigi had to physically pull Dedede from his spot (which was no easy feat, considering Dedede's weight) and drag him out of the store. The two fled the store with groceries in tow, leaving Lucina alone to pummel Captain Falcon.

As the sliding doors closed behind them, Blunder the bear returned from the back room, carrying a large stack of cardboard boxes. "Alright, did someone order the… the…" The boxes dropped to the floor, as did Blunder's jaw. Lucina and Captain Falcon paused their skirmish to stare at the now-hyperventilating bear. He pointed a trembling finger at the F-Zero racer.

"Y-y-you're…"

And once again, Blunder collapsed to the floor in a faint, glassy eyes staring at the ceiling. Both Smashers stared at his unmoving body. Lucina hesitantly asked, "Um, sir… are you alright…?"

Captain Falcon seized the opportunity. In a quick movement, he elbowed Lucina in the stomach and majestically leapt out the convenience store window (knee-first, of course), shattering it into a thousand shards. It was truly a sight to behold, if it wasn't for Blunder being unconscious and Lucina keeled over in pain. He skidded across the ground as he landed in a dynamic pose, right in front of those _thieves_.

Right where he wanted to be.

* * *

As Blunder was busy fainting inside, Luigi and King Dedede took a brief respite outside the store. Luigi turned to Dedede. "Alrighty, Dedede, what do we do now?"

"Easy," replied the penguin. "Now that we've got everything we need, we drive back with the Blue Falc—"

Immediately, Luigi became very stern, and he held up a hand to stop him. "No, no, _no_. Absolutely not. As if Captain Falcon isn't already angry with us."

Dedede dismissed his concerns with a wave of his hand. "Aw come now, Weegie! Lucy's got Falcon taken care of. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? He managed to beat her and is coming for us right now?"

The sound of shattering glass and a deep, primal yell answered Dedede's question. As the squirrel would cower at the sight of a falcon's shadow, so the plumber and penguin cowered at the shadow of the muscular man who leapt seemingly from nowhere. He skidded to a stop right in front the two, at which point he straightened up and folded his arms. For a while, neither party spoke. Luigi's eyes were tightly shut, praying that Falcon would just hurry up and punch them already.

"…I'm disappointed in you, Luigi."

Luigi opened his eyes. He forced himself to look up at Captain Falcon. He was still angry, but in a much more somber tone than before.

"I'd expect this from Game & Watch, he's a wild card. Bowser, maybe. Heck, Pit's dumb enough, even him! But _you?_ I can't believe this."

Luigi's fear turned into confusion. "Falcon, what—?"

But he continued. "I mean, really, you're a good guy, a _hero._ And I get that we heroes always gotta help others and show compassion and yada-yada-yada…"

Now Dedede looked up. Was he stalling for time, or just rambling to make them drop their guard?

"So why are you blatantly helping a known _villain_?"

Luigi blinked. "I—what?"

Captain Falcon sighed. "It's _Dedede_ ," he said, as if he was explaining this to a five-year-old. "He's the _villain,_ the _bad guy_."

"Wh— _what?_ " Now Luigi was a little annoyed. "Now wait-a just a minute here! Dedede's-a no villain!"

"Oh, really?" sneered the F-Zero racer. "Give me one good thing he's done."

Luigi briskly stood up, ready to stick up for his friend. "He's-a done plenty of good things! Like the time he helped Kirby and his friends save the world from Magolor! Or what about the time he helped Kirby drive out Queen Sectonia?"

"Oh, please. Obviously he was just trying to buff up his resume. You know, make it seem like he's looking out for the greater good when he only has himself in mind. Why else do you suppose he beat Magolor? The last thing he needs is another tyrant muscling in on his territory…"

"Now wait-a just a minute here! King Dedede is-a no tyrant!" He looked to Dedede for some form of protest, but to his shock, the penguin king didn't even open his beak. He just sat there, looking down at his feet.

"See, look at that!" cried Captain Falcon. "He can't even try to defend himself because he knows! Believe me, he knows!" His tone became hushed. "Think about it. Why else do you suppose the Waddle Dees haven't staged a coup yet?!"

"Well, gee, I dunno," replied Luigi. "Maybe, _just maybe_ , it's-a because they're actually content under his rule, hmmm?!" Again, he looked to Dedede for backup, and again he sat there, unmoving from his spot. Luigi blinked. "D-Dedede…?"

Captain Falcon nodded solemnly. "Told ya, Weeg. He _knows._ " He walked over to the Blue Falcon and got inside. It slowly rose off the ground and took off into the distance.

Luigi irritatedly dusted himself off. "Jeez, can you believe the nerve-a this guy? Come on, Dedede, let's-a go." He picked up the groceries and started walking. "Come on-a, Dedede, time's-a wasting."

And once again, the penguin did not move from his spot.

Luigi stopped. "D-Dedede?" There was a deep, uncomfortable silence. At last, Dedede spoke.

"Luigi… do you know why I went on this whole dang adventure in the first place?" His voice was not the rough Southern accent he normally spoke in, but a much more somber, sad tone.

Luigi stared. "…Well, I mean… no, not really."

"Aw, come now, Weeg. You saw how the others treated me this morning. 'Ew, no, not _you_ , Dedede.' Or, what about, 'Go away, Dedede!' You could see it in their eyes, man." He now turned to face Luigi. "Whenever I go into the ring with Kirby or Yoshi or even Diddy, you can tell who everyone's a-rootin' for. They all wanna see the hero beat up the villain. Heck, I could tell that even you thought I was just tryin' to butter you up." Luigi winced at this accusation.

"That's how it's always been, Weeg. And just maybe… I thought maybe I could be the hero for once.

"But don't go thinkin' I haven't tried to turn things around before. I've tried to make amends for all the trouble I've caused. But…" The penguin sighed. He didn't even sound sad anymore, just…defeated. "You were there when I stole the Blue Falcon, right?" He turned away from Luigi. "Falcon was right. No matter what I do, I'll always be the bad guy."

For a while, neither Smasher spoke. Above, the clouds lazily drifted by. The sun shone high above the land. Luigi stared at King Dedede. Looking at his friend, sitting there, unable to defend himself… well, it filled the plumber with a newfound resolve to set things right. He was going to help Dedede, no matter what the cost.

"Dedede."

The penguin turned around. "What?"

"Alrighty, listen. I know you can be greedy."

"I'm aware of that."

"And kind of mean-spirited."

"Yyyyep."

"And vain, and gluttonous, and a high-and-mighty bumbling oaf…"

"Where are you going with this, exactly?"

"…You might-a be all of those things, but one thing you are _not_ is a villain."

Dedede stood up. "Luigi, you heard what Falcon said. I—" Luigi held up his hands, not having any of it. "Forget about what-a Falcon said! Think about it. What villainous actions have you taken over the course of-a 24 years?"

Dedede paused to think. "Well, I stole food once… OK, twice if you count Super Star."

"Twice, Dedede. Only twice. Twice in-a two stories that were pretty much the same thing. And the rest of the time? Any other particularly unsavory acts?"

Dedede opened his beak to say something but faltered. "…Well… I mean… there has to have been _somethin'…_ "

Luigi smirked knowingly. "Ah, but is there really? Perhaps the time you split up the Star Rod to protect all of Dream Land from Nightmare, hm?"

"Well, I guess that was something…"

"Or what about the time you saved Pop Star from Dark Matter? You actually teamed up with-a Kirby that time, didn't you?"

"…Okay, I did that."

"Or the time you helped Kirby with Magolor! Or the time you helped Kirby save Floralia!"

Now the king couldn't help but crack a grin. "You're darn tootin' I did." He got up and hoisted his hammer up on his shoulder. His old confidence was returning to him once again!

"And you know what else?" Luigi continued, his voice suddenly serious. "Re… remember the Subspace Army?"

Immediately, King Dedede ceased his strutting. The two Smashers gazed into each other's eyes. The memories resurged: the world getting torn apart at the hands of Tabuu, the hopelessness upon finding they were among the only Smashers left to face the threat….

"You saved us all, Dedede. Without-a you, we'd all be dead." He swallowed. "An-and I know this-a sounds really cheesy, but…" He took Dedede's gloved hands in his own. "You're a real hero, Dedede. Don't-a let anyone tell you otherwise."

"I…" Dedede was unable to finish his sentence, as he resisted the urge to blubber like Yoshi had when he found out that Waffle Wednesdays had put abruptly put on hold "indefinitely". He wiped his eyes. "Heh. I-I guess I am a hero, ain't I?"

Luigi nodded slowly, his own eyes growing misty. "Now let's-a go. We've got groceries to deliver."

* * *

With renewed vigor, the two Smashers raced homeward, the sky already faintly turning orange. Luigi checked the milk. It was growing warm! "Dedede!" he called out. "At-a this rate, the milk's-a gonna spoil!"

Dedede pressed a hand against the carton. "Shee-eesh! How're we gonna get back to the grounds now?"

Luigi fretfully ran his hands through his hair. "Oh, mamma mia, what're we gonna do…!" As though the heavens themselves were answering Luigi's question, a smaller, star-like shape bounced off of Luigi's head. Just a moment after, a tall woman dressed in blue floated down from above. "Goodness, my child! Are you all right?"

"Miss Rosalina!" Dedede bowed as he had to Lucina, but in a much more reserved manner. "What bring you here?"

"Ah, hello, Dedede. And Luigi," she added, nodding to the man in green. The Luma that had fallen on top of Luigi squeaked excitedly, peeking inside the bag of groceries.

"Oh, yeah! Rosalina!" said Dedede. "We need to get back to the grounds! Do you have anything that can get us there quickly?"

Rosalina smiled serenely. "Is that it? Oh, that's an easy one." She clapped her hands twice. A twinkle appeared in the dusk. The three Smashers looked up to find a comet hurtling through the sky. Upon closer inspection, it was no ordinary comet. It was the Comet Observatory! And it seemed to be coming straight for them.

…

It _was_ heading straight for them. And at quite a high speed, at that.

"Uh… that's our ride, right?" asked Dedede, backing away slowly. The observatory continued on its path. Rosalina continued to stare.

"Don't worry, Dedede," said Luigi, trying to put a brave face. "It'll stop eventually…"

The comet showed no signs of stopping. It was now heading straight for Luigi and Dedede in particular.

"…Oh no." Dedede clung to Luigi, who in turn cowered at the increasingly bright light, now traveling directly along the ground, speeding along and searing the grass as it went. At last, it finally came to a stop, just barely grazing Luigi's bulbous nose. On the Observatory itself, Lumas of varying colors squeaked and chirped as they invited the two on.

"All aboard!"

* * *

The trip back to the grounds was surprisingly stable. Even though he'd traveled on the Observatory many times, Luigi never did tire of the sight of so many stars whizzing past his vision. It was faster than a Mario Kart race, but unlike his encounter with the Blue Falcon, this was much calmer, somehow.

Luigi glanced to his right. Rosalina was busy chatting with King Dedede. And unless his eyes were playing tricks on him, he could have sworn the penguin king was blushing. He chuckled to himself. To think, he was reluctant about going on this adventure! Even though he'd bonded with the penguin king during the Subspace incident… he never felt like he'd truly known him until—

The Comet Observatory screeched to a halt in the parking lot, sending Luigi tumbling into Dedede's girth. Luckily, since Dedede's girth was surprisingly pillowy, Luigi was unharmed.

"We're here!" came Rosalina's peaceful voice. The Observatory slowly lowered to the ground, taking care not to hit Bowser's airship. The Lumas waved Luigi and King Dedede off as they stepped off the observatory.

By now, the sun had set, and stars were dotting the sky. The moon's light glinted off the flagpoles in the front. Luigi knocked on the doors and pushed them open.

Aside from a Pikmin or two scurrying around, the mansion was completely empty. Even the lights were off. Had the mansion been abandoned during their absence? The two continued their walk down the halls.

"Oh, there you are! I thought you died out there!"

It was Palutena, the goddess of light, the entire reason they'd even left at all. "Yes, ma—er, miss, we got yer stuff right here!" announced Dedede, handing over the groceries with a flourish.

"Oh, thank heavens! Well, you know… But seriously, thank you so much!" Her voice sounded genuinely grateful (a rare thing). "I'm gonna use these!" She smiled warmly at them, and promptly closed the door in their faces.

"…Um."

"So…now what?"

Luigi stared awkwardly at the ceiling. "Do you wanna… just-a relax for a sec…?"

"Relax?"

"Yeh."

Dedede flopped onto the floor. "Well, don't needta tell me twice!"

"G-guys!"

Dedede looked up. It was Lucas, jogging up to the two. From the look on his face, it was not a good reason. "Lucas! What-a happened?"

"You need to come quick. It's… it's an emergency." Lucas looked worriedly around, as though a monster would pop out from nowhere. Luigi swallowed. Surely nothing too bad could have happened while they were out… right?

The boy led Luigi and Dedede through halls, up some stairs, down some stairs, through previously unknown passageways, until they came to the common room door.

Luigi was understandably very nervous. Dedede gripped his hammer a little tighter. Lucas gestured for the two to open the door. With a hesitant hand, Luigi pushed open the door to find...

…complete darkness.

"…Hello?" Luigi was sorely wishing he had his Poltergust on him. He flipped the light switch on…

" _SURPRISE!_ "

Luigi shrieked and nearly fell backwards from shock. Even Dedede jumped backwards. "Whuh… what's-a happening?!"

Every single Smasher in the current tournament was in the room, jumping out from hiding spots. On the wall behind them, there was a banner with large letters reading, "Luigi and Dedede: Our Heroes!"

"Seriously," said Dedede, looking around in confusion. "What's goin' on here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" said Pit, running up to meet them. "Today's the anniversary of the time you saved us all from Tabuu!"

Dedede blinked. "It…it is?" He looked to Luigi. "Say, Luigi, is it really the day?"

"Don't tell me you forgot, silly!" said Kirby, popping up from behind Pit. "Without you guys, we'd all be stuck in Subspace for who knows how long!" He pulled the two into the room. "Come on in!"

As the two walked in, their fellow Smashers cheered and congratulated them.

"Thanks, you guys!"

"I hate to admit it, but… you have my gratitude."

"That's-a my bro!"

"You guys are real heroes!"

Luigi's chest swelled with pride and gratitude, while Dedede was trying his best not to cry. He gave a hearty thumbs-up, to everyone's cheers.

Everyone but one.

Luigi stepped through the crowd to talk to the lone Smasher. "Falcon."

"Hey…" Captain Falcon didn't even look at him.

"Falcon. I think you owe someone an apology." Luigi's voice was notably serious. "Come on." He took the racer by the hand and led him up to Dedede.

Dedede turned to face Falcon. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Luigi stood at a distance, waiting like a parent would for his child.

At last, Falcon spoke. "I-I'm sorry. I was wrong to assume about you based on a couple of actions." He held out his hand. "Forgiveness?" Clearly, Falcon was not used to apologies.

Dedede stared at the racer's hand contemplatively. Then, he took his hand firmly. "Alright, apology accepted." He promptly pulled Falcon into a noogie, to the applause and laughter of all.

Just then, Palutena walked in, levitating a large cake behind her. "I brought cake!" Dedede almost immediately dropped Falcon. "Oh boy!" He, along with fellow gluttons Kirby, Yoshi, and Pac-Man, made a beeline for the delicious confection.

The party continued as laughs were shared and stories were traded. Dedede's eyes suddenly widened in remembrance. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Marth!" From his belt he pulled a bright blue comb. "I got that thing you wanted!"

"Oh, thank Naga! Dedede, you have my thanks!" He took the comb as gently as though it was his firstborn.

"And Lucina! I got the medicine you needed!"

"Lord Dedede…!" From the crowd, someone whispered, " _Lord_ Dedede?" To everyone's surprise, she rushed out from the crowd and embraced Dedede like she would a loved one. Off to the side, Robin choked.

Dedede shifted around awkwardly. "Aw, come now, li'l ol' me a hero? Surely you—"

But to everyone's surprise, Lucina gave him a quick kiss right on his beak. Luigi and everyone in a three-foot radius spat out their drinks. Even the normally calm and collected Mewtwo was surprised.

Even through his feathers, Dedede turned red as a beet. "I—well—golly—! I…" He suddenly felt very warm.

Palutena sauntered up to Dedede and pulled him aside. "Oh, come on now, Lucina, you shouldn't have _all_ the fun!" With that, she, too, pulled Dedede into a deep, loving kiss on the lips.

It was as if everyone had stepped into an alternate reality. Luigi could have sworn he saw a Tepig fly past the window. This time, everyone in the room spat out their drinks. To say nothing of Pit, who nearly fainted had it not been for Dark Pit (who himself was appalled) to catch him. "L-L-Lady Palutena?!" he managed to peep out.

"Oh, come _on_ , Pit," drawled Palutena. "It's a party; ever hear of them? Loosen up, why don'tcha?"

Everyone just stared awkwardly at the scene before them. Some odd looks were exchanged amongst the crowd, and they seemed to come to an agreement to let this slide, just this once…

* * *

Eventually, the party wound down to a close, and the partygoers began to withdraw to their dormitories, with Smashers and Assist Trophies alike bidding each other farewells. Palutena in particular was teased quite a bit as she left; she claimed to have done it in the heat of the moment, but it was noted she couldn't look them in the eyes as she defended herself.

The men of the hour, Luigi and King Dedede, were the last two to leave. The two stood in front of the window, staring at the moon.

"Man, that was-a some party, eh? I didn't know Mega Man could-a dance like that!"

"Yeah, and who knew Greninja had it in him? And I didn't even know you could do that with a shoehorn!"

"…Well." Luigi straightened himself. "I'm-a gonna hit the hay for-a now." He turned to go, but Dedede put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Luigi."

"Hmmm?"

Dedede seemed to fumble on his words. "I… I know I've said this a buncha times, but…"

Luigi held up a hand to stop him. "It's alright. You don't have to say anything."

Dedede stared at him. He knew that through thick and thin, through good times and bad, Luigi would always have his back. Without another word, he embraced him like a brother. A Super Smash Brother. Both Smashers winced as they realized how corny that sounded, but hey. They pulled apart. "Well, see you tomorrow, Weeg." The penguin king turned and left.

"So long, Lord Dedede…"

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: I'm not dead! But**_ ** _I'm really sorry you had to wait this long! That's what happens when life comes outta nowhere to beat the tar out of you! Haaah..._**

 ** _Luigi and King Dedede are totally bros. Don't deny it, you saw it in the Subspace cutscenes!_**

 ** _Next time on Super Smash World: Who knows? You actually will wait 3000 years this time!_**

 ** _(You won't.)_**


	10. Chapter 10: Let Sleeping Ganons Lie

At last, night had settled on the Smash grounds. The sun had set over the plains, and the first few stars were beginning to dot the sky. A handful of Smashers were wrapping up their matches, and the ones that weren't were starting to turn in for the night.

One such Smasher, Ganondorf, stomped through the halls as he pondered over his day. He scowled bitterly as he remembered his match against Link, where he'd lost, again. _Note: turn off items for the next match,_ he thought to himself. His thoughts turned to a different match of his, where he'd won against Corrin by jumping off his head as he tried to recover, followed by a well-placed Flame Choke, sending him into the abyss. Ganondorf smirked to himself as he recalled these events. One of the few things that brought him genuine happiness in this world was the destruction of his enemies by his own hand, and Smash gave him repeated opportunities to satisfy this craving. But… no matter how hard he fought, no matter what strategies he used, Ganondorf found he could never beat those two pathetic whelps in green. He'd had some success with Zelda, but regardless of his great strength and unmatched command of his dark magic, the Links always, _always_ came out on top. To say nothing of the Sheikah woman…

He growled to himself. No matter. He would have time to think about his next plan in the morning.

Ganondorf reached the door of his room. It was big, evil-looking and imposing, just the way he liked it. If the almighty King of Evil was going to have a door to his private chambers, it should match his personality. The almighty King of Evil opened the door to his room. It, too, matched his personality: as cold and black as his heart. But it wasn't without decorations: there were weapons he had brought that he wasn't allowed to use, a large, evil-looking throne, and a dartboard with Link's face on it.

As much as he would have loved to stick a couple of darts into Link's eyes, even evil kings needed their sleep. He climbed into his bed, shut off the light, and closed his eyes, ready for dreams of conquering the world…

…

…

…

…Ahem.

Ganondorf opened his eyes. Odd. Normally the grind of the day would take its toll on him, sending him drifting off to sleep. But tonight was different. Perhaps he needed to clear his head. Yes, that was it. Some tea would do the trick.

He got up out of bed and walked to his personal pantry. A few minutes (and several broken teapots) later, there was a fresh cup of chamomile tea in his hands, which he drank in earnest.

Already, Ganondorf could feel the drowsiness overtaking him. Yes, the tea certainly did the trick. He climbed into his bed and let his eyelids slowly droop…

…

 _Thud._

…

 _Thud._

Ganondorf's eyes wrenched open. Of course, something had to disturb his rest. Well, he wasn't going to just lay there and take it, no sir. He was the King of Evil, blast it, and the King of Evil got things done!

Teeth gritted, he leapt out of his bed, grabbed his sword, and kicked his door open. It was only 10:30. The night was still young. He was going to show those fools what happened when they awakened the King of Evil!

 _Thud._ He stomped—no, he _rushed_ —through the halls, knocking aside any pottery he passed. The night was young, and a fire was burning deep within him.

The thudding was getting closer. Ganondorf's hand gripped his sword. He was right in front of the door. He clutched the doorknob and flung the door open, gazing at the scene that lay before him.

"…Can we help you?"

It was Pit and Little Mac, the former of whom was wearing angel-wing-print pajamas. Between the two was a miniature seesaw, and on one end was a pile of raspberry jam. On the ceiling were several red splatters of varying shapes and sizes.

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow questioningly. "And what, pray tell, are you two doing?"

"We're decorating my room!" said Pit proudly. "It's fun! You just put the jam on one end, and jump as hard as you can on—"

" _I don't care,_ " interrupted Ganondorf, "about your silly decorations." The Gerudo paused, deciding not to maul the two. Yet. "Just be quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep."

"Oh! You want to sleep better!" said Little Mac. "Don't worry. Doc Louis gave me plenty of natural sleep remedies." He darted behind the counter to pull out a box of tea bags and a jar of honey, not noticing Ganondorf grinding his teeth. "Honey and chamomile. It works every—" The boxer barely had time to react as the Sword of the Sages clipped his ear. He stumbled and fell on his back.

Ganondorf sneered at him. "Let that be a warning, whelp. Do not let me come in here again. Otherwise this blade shall be the last thing you see." Satisfied with his threat, he turned with a swish of his cape, slamming the door behind him.

He exhaled. Sometimes, it just felt so _good_ to be evil… With these wicked thoughts in mind, he stomped back to his room, prepared for a good night's sleep.

* * *

Back in his room, and now changed out of his armor, which was far too clunky to sleep in, Ganondorf was truly ready to rest. It was now 10:55. He climbed into his bed and closed his eyes. Visions of a Hyrule under his control began to fill his mind as he drifted off. He smiled cruelly. From far away, he could hear a handful of his followers, singing his praises…

…

…

…

…Wait.

Ganondorf's eyes jerked open. He could hear singing, yes, but it wasn't of his praise. This song was much happier-sounding.

And horribly off-key, at that.

With a heavy groan, Ganondorf groggily got out of his bed. It always seemed to be _something_ in this place. He shoved the door open and stomped down the hallways towards the source of the noise.

Already, he could hear the singing growing louder, and yet more off-key. Two voices by the sound of it, deep and guttural, like horrible, tone-deaf demons. Ganondorf's hand reached for his blade. If he had one pastime beside world conquest, it was slitting the throats of his enemies. He slammed the door open to behold the scene that lay before him.

It was Charizard, Wario, and Kirby, the latter sitting off to the side wearing little headphones. Charizard and Wario were both holding microphones, as a little radio played the last notes of "Smiles and Tears".

The King of Evil grit his teeth. "What… _are_ you doing? At _this_ hour?"

Charizard spoke up first. "We're practicing our singing for when we make our big break into the world of music!" Wario stepped forward. "Wario's-a gonna be a big star, captivating the world with his silky-smooth vocals!" And Kirby piped up with, "I'm here for emotional support!"

Ganondorf's eye twitched. "W-why in Din's name—" He stopped himself. "I don't care. Go to sleep."

"But—"

"I wanna sing now," said Kirby.

"No, I don't care. _Go to sleep._ "

"But we didn't—"

"I wanna sing," repeated Kirby.

" _Go. To. Sleep,_ " snarled Ganondorf.

"Can I sing now?" asked Kirby.

"Aw come on, that's not—"

Once again, Ganondorf swung his sword, narrowly missing Wario's jagged mustache. "'Ey! Whaddya think you're doing? I can't afford to ruin this ruggedly handsome face!"

Ganondorf looked down at the goblin-like man. "You have a face made for radio." He glanced down at Kirby, who had pulled out his own microphone. "It's my turn!" he said as he took a deep breath.

All Smashers involved took this moment to flee as the first few notes flew out of Kirby's mouth. Except Ganondorf. Ganondorf does not flee. Ganondorf tactfully retreats.

* * *

Another pillow burst into fluff as Ganondorf pierced it with the Sword of Sages. If the Great King of Evil wasn't going to get any sleep, he may as well spend his time on one of his favorite pastimes: murdering pillows.

Okay, normally he wouldn't murder _pillows_ , but it was all he had at the moment.

Ganondorf snarled as another pillow was sliced in two. Those cursed singers… how dare they keep him awake at this hour. Why, if he were in control (and in his opinion, there was no reason why he shouldn't be), he would have outlawed singing a long time ago!

Blasted singing…!

Singing…!

Singing…

…

…

Ganondorf stopped mid-swing. His face met his forehead. How could he have been so blind as to not thought of this. If he, or anyone else, were to fall asleep, how else but by a lullaby? And who better to sing such a song than Jigglypuff?

Ganondorf smirked evilly, as he was prone to do. If murder and conquest were his top two pastimes, then getting what he wanted by force easily clocked in at number three. He contemplated bringing his sword along, but decided against it. He would not need weapons to intimidate someone as soft and weak as her.

With a strike of his elbow, his door went flying off its hinges, splintering pitifully against the wall. He marched away down the halls, towards his goal.

* * *

In Jigglypuff's room, the little pink puffball lay in her bed, dozing peacefully and dreaming pleasant dreams, the type of dream one wakes up from with a new outlook on the world around them.

She did indeed have a new outlook on the world, when a large Gerudo punched her door, smashing it into a thousand shards.

"Bwuh?! Huh…?" Jigglypuff's rubbed her eyes as she looked around. Her eyes eventually focused on the intruder, looming over her like a cat that caught its prey. "Oh, _jeez_."

"Jigglypuff," began Ganondorf, the feel of her name unfamiliar on his tongue. "I require your assistance."

Jigglypuff looked at him as though he'd grown a second head. "At this hour? For crying out loud, Ganon, I need my sleep, too! It can wait—"

"Perhaps you did not hear me correctly," Ganondorf cut in as he stepped closer, his wicked face illuminated in the moonlight. "When I say I require your assistance, I mean _now_ and with _very little resistance_. Do you understand?"

But Jigglypuff was not intimidated by Ganondorf's threatening tone. She took a deep breath. "What's the magic word?"

Ganondorf grabbed her by the curl of her hair, his free hand glowing with dark energy. "The magic word is 'annihilation'.

Jigglypuff had known the King of Evil for a long time, and had long grown used to his intimidation tactics. However, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't completely afraid of him… "Alright, alright, _fine_. Whaddya want me to do?"

"I, Ganondorf, the King of Darkness, command you to use your magical incantations to put me to sleep!"

Jigglypuff blinked. "You… want me to sing you a lullaby?"

Ganondorf grit his teeth. " _Yes_. And you _will_ follow my orders, lest you face my—"

"Yeah, but why'd you have to say it like that?" she interrupted. "I mean, something like 'Oh, hey, Jigglypuff, could you maybe sing me to sleep tonight?' Do you always have to be so wordy and—"

"Did I say 'annihilation'? I meant, 'complete and utter extinction of all life'."

" _Fine_ , sheesh. More like the King of Ham…"

"What was that last bit?"

"Nothing."

* * *

The walk back to Ganondorf's room was a very long and awkward one indeed. Ganondorf tried his best to maintain his cruel and calculating demeanor, but found this very hard to do with a small pink ball riding on his shoulder. Jigglypuff also elected not to say anything about the ruined door.

Ganondorf climbed into bed. "Well, what are you waiting for? Sing."

Jigglypuff got out her microphone. "Yeah, but, what song should I sing?"

"I don't care," growled Ganondorf. "Sing whatever you think of. And make it quick."

Jigglypuff shrugged, as much as a puffball could shrug. "Alright, a song, a song… Oooh, I got one! Ahem…

 _This here is Mona Pizzaaaa!_

 _Makers of the world's best eats-aaaa!_

 _Fresh sauce… and cheese…"_

Jigglypuff's voice trailed off as she noticed Ganondorf glaring at her. "What?"

"You call that a song?" he sneered. "Choose another one, and be quick. My patience is running thin."

The balloon Pokémon rolled her eyes. "Ugggh, fine. Hmmm…

 _You and I have been through a lot together,_

 _That's just the way the story goes._

 _Even though your heart breaks, and you're down on your knees,_

 _Anyway you'll laugh again some—"_

"Stop."

"Oh, for crying out—what?!"

"That song is too… happy. It inspires hope among heroes. I don't like it. Try another one."

" _Are you_ —" Jigglypuff sighed. At this rate, she herself would never get back to sleep. "Try this one…

 _I believe the morning sun—"_

" _No!_ " bellowed Ganondorf, making Jigglypuff jump. "Not that one. Goddesses above, anything but that one."

"Listen," Jigglypuff hissed. "If all you're going to do is critique my singing abilities, I'll just go back to bed."

"Wait!" called out Ganondorf, and unless Jigglypuff was hearing things, she detected a hint of pleading in his voice. She turned around. "I haven't gotten any good sleep all night. So… I order you to stay here and sing me to sleep."

"…"

"…Please."

From the looks of things, it didn't seem like Jigglypuff had much of a choice in the matter. Plus, he actually said please that time! Progress is progress.

"Fine," Jigglypuff relented. "One last song." She cleared her throat and sang a slow, calming melody.

" _Take a page and a pen,_

 _Draw a big mushroom,_

 _Add an egg, then two more,_

 _Draw a cloud under here,_

 _Now we'll add some coins_

 _One, two, three_

 _One, two, three…_ "

And to her surprise, the song had worked! Ganondorf had fallen asleep at last! His eyes were closed, a blissful smile on his face, making no sound save for peaceful breathing. It was almost adorable, if it weren't for the fact that he was a powerful warlock bent on conquering Hyrule and dooming it to centuries of misery. And even then…!

A relieved smile on her face, Jigglypuff turned to go, but not before properly tucking him into his little bed. And as she crept out of the room, she heard the King of Evil mumbling in his sleep:

"Thank… you…"

* * *

At last, Ganondorf was asleep. It was a long time coming, but the King of Evil got what he wanted, as he should. Now awaited hours of glorious dreams of conquering—

 _Thud._

Now awaited hours of glorious dreams of—

 _Thump._

…Now awaited hours—

 _Crash._

...Now—

 _Honk._

You gotta be kidding me.

Ganondorf jolted awake, sending him tumbling out of his bed. This was the final straw. The goddesses had given him a taste of victory, only to snatch it away at the last second. There was only one solution: murder and conquest, his favorite pastimes.

With a mighty roar, he grabbed his sword and charged out of his room, intent on finding the source of those infernal noises and eliminating them as quickly and painfully as possible.

Ganondorf continued roaring as he raced down the hallway, waking up certain Smashers with the noise. Many of them tried to ask what he was doing at this hour, or even try to stop him, but Ganondorf paid them no mind. Normally, he would crush these whelps under his boot like the worms they were, but tonight he had bigger fish to fry.

The noise was getting louder as he stormed down the hall. Ganondorf's hand drifted towards his blade. It had been so long since he had gotten to properly kill something. And this time, it'd be completely justified! Well, not _completely_ justified. But, really, he was the King of Evil! He didn't need to justify who he slayed.

But the time for such thoughts was over, as Ganondorf had reached the door where those blasted noises were coming from. He scowled at the door, as though the door were actively choosing to block his path. Well, he was the King of Evil, and the King of Evil got things done!

He charged up dark energy in his left hand, preparing to smite the door with his patented Warlock Punch. With a powerful bellow, Ganondorf punched the innocent door in its center, obliterating it as he had done his own. Now, the Great Demon King could get a good look at the cause of his lack of sleep.

"…!"

A green, floppy cap, with a green tunic to match. Messy blonde hair. And worst of all, the part that made Ganondorf sick with anger, those horrid, cat-like eyes. These components made up the Smasher standing before him, and everything he despised.

"… _You._ "

"Me!" affirmed Toon Link. There he stood, behind a little drum set with a Triforce symbol on the bass drum.

Ganondorf felt his blood boil at the sight of him, from the top of his overly large head, to his sickeningly adorable little boots. Behind Toon Link, Lucas and Alph were cowering in the corner, having been frightened by Ganondorf punching the door. _As they should_ , Ganondorf thought.

"What in Din's name are you doing?" asked Ganondorf, trying to mask the greater-than-usual hatred he felt for Toon Link.

"We're starting a band!" replied Toon Link, as though he were completely unaware of the man that wanted him dead standing right in front of him. "Yeah, see, so me, Alph and Lucas here thought 'Hey, wouldn't it be great if we started a band together?' And then I said, 'Ooh, how about we call it…'"

As Toon Link blathered on, he failed to notice Ganondorf's face growing a worrying shade of red. He ground his teeth, his veins bulged, and his mind swirled with all sorts of unpleasant thoughts about what he would like to do to the boy that would surely cause the ESRB to come a-knocking.

Lucas, on the other hand, _did_ notice Ganondorf about to explode, and desperately tried to get Toon Link to be quiet. "Oh, would you look at the time, we should probably get to sleep soon, andbysoonImeanrightaboutnowrightToonLink?"

"You would do well to listen to your little friend," warned the Gerudo, as his hand gripped his blade. But Toon Link paid him no mind, instead choosing to stick his tongue out at him. "Oh, please. I wouldn't expect some old geezer like you to understand."

At this insult, it was not rage that overwhelmed Ganondorf, but curiosity. He arched an eyebrow. "And what, pray tell, would the point of your little musical ensemble be?"

As Lucas and Alph lunged at Toon Link to get him to shut up, _please_ , Toon Link was eager to clarify. "Our band is about youth culture and its place in modern society!"

"…What."

"Well, a lot of older people don't really—"

"No, no, what is this… youth culture of which you speak?"

"Oh, well, youth culture is—mmmph?!" A gloved hand went over Toon Link's mouth, preventing him from telling the secrets of youth culture. "Absolutely nothing important!" finished Alph, who nervously eyed Ganondorf's sword. "Nothing important whatsoever…"

"Oh, really?" asked Ganondorf skeptically, scratching his beard. "Well, if this 'youth culture' is so important to you… then it must be destroyed."

The three boys were silent. "You… you're gonna destroy youth culture?" asked Lucas.

"Yes," declared Ganondorf, beginning to advance on the three Smashers. "If youth culture stands in the way of my eight hours of sleep, then it shall be slain by my hand." He drew his sword and pointed it straight at Toon Link's nose. "Starting with you whelps."

Lucas and Alph cowered behind the green-clad hero, having a great desire not to be impaled. But Toon Link was not intimidated in the least. He had battled the dark lord once, and if he wasn't scared then, he wasn't scared now. He laughed mockingly. "You can't destroy youth culture, Ganon _pork_. It's not a physical object, it's a concept! A concept that unites all young people across the world!"

Ganondorf smirked as he tightened his grip on his blade. "Hmph. You would stand against me, the Demon King? You are either very brave or very foolish."

Toon Link drew his own sword. "Whatever. Bring it on, Old Manondorf!"

Ganondorf's anger reached its' point. " _I told you never to call me that! Now die!_ "

And so, the two Smashers charged at each other, blades drawn, emitting yells of fury as they met in the center of the room in the classic clash between good and evil, light and darkness, a battle that would decide the fate of the universe—

"Stop!"

The battle that would decide the fate of the universe would have to wait, as both Smashers comically fell to the ground in an absurd anticlimax. There, standing in the doorway, was Falco, looking surlier than usual and dressed in Arwing-print sleepwear. Behind him were several other Smashers, who all wore looks of either irritation or sleepiness.

"Begone, fools!" barked the Gerudo. "This is a private matter."

"Oh, really?" asked Falco, stepping into the room. "Well, it's a little hard for matters to stay private when you keep waking up half of us with your screaming and stomping around!" Several Smashers hollered in agreement.

"That may be so, but this unholy little imp—" he gestured towards a smirking Toon Link— "has kept me awake with his ranting about this 'youth culture'. So, I have taken it upon myself to find, and destroy—"

"Oh, for crying—you want to destroy _youth culture?!_ " Falco turned to the crowd behind him with a helpless look. "How—why—you can't destroy youth culture! It's more of a concept than a physical object."

"That's what I said!" stated Toon Link, who was quickly silenced by a dope slap to the head from Lucas.

"But, you don't understand," said Ganondorf, desperation crawling into his voice. "They were keeping me awake all night—"

"And you're keeping us awake!" retorted Shulk, stepping forward in nothing but his famous swim trunks that he apparently slept in. He sighed. "Look, why don't we just all go back to bed and pretend none of this ever happened?" In the heat of the night, and the air of sleepiness still weighing upon everyone, the Smashers murmured their agreement and dispersed. The three Smashers that were responsible quickly fled the scene, but not before Toon Link cheekily waved goodbye with a "Nighty-night, Old Manondorf!"

Ganondorf now stood alone. He sighed. The struggle of the night's events had drained him. He might as well go to sleep himself. With a heave of his shoulders, he marched back to his room.

Upon reaching his room, he slumped into his bed. At last, he could feel drowsiness overtake him. With a contented sigh, he closed his eyes and drifted off, ready to sleep at last.

…

…

… _Beep!_

…?

 _Beep!_

…?!

 _Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"…Eh?"

Ganondorf jerked awake. What was that noise? He looked at his alarm clock.

6:30 AM.

The Gerudo's eyes widened in shock and horror. "N-no… it can't be…" he whispered.

As if to confirm his fears, the alarm clock gave off one last, defiant _beep_.

Ganondorf's entire body trembled.

* * *

If one were to be present and awake on the Smash grounds that particular morning at exactly 6:30 AM, they would have heard what sounded like a buffalo roaring in pain. Two such Smashers, Wii Fit Trainer and Pikachu, heard this sound as they sat in the breakfast nook sipping their coffee.

"What was _that?_ Sounded like a Bouffalant roaring in pain…" asked Pikachu, setting down his mug.

"Who knows? Honestly, there's always _something_ in the mornings…"

"Right? If I had the option, I'd just stay in bed all day."

"That's not healthy, you know."

"Can you blame me? I like to sleep in sometimes. There's nothing I value more than a good night's sleep."

"Mmm."

The two continued drinking their coffee, unaware of the agonized Gerudo swearing revenge in his room.

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: Poor Ganondorf. The guy only really gets rest when he's sealed away by some magical sword, huh?**_

 _ **Next time on Super Smash World: uh.**_


End file.
